Page 36 of Everything That Kills Me
“No, they’ll be on the next one.”
“Good. I didn’t want them to see us talking and tell your dad. God, what a mess.” Martin dragged his fingers through his peppery grey hair.
“What did he say to you?”
“A vitriolic call telling me I’m to have nothing more to do with you. No phone calls. No lunches. No birthday money. NoChristmas present. That two hundred came back. I’ll keep it for you.”
“He suspended my bank account and took my new phone and my old one. Told me I couldn’t see you or Paulo anymore.”
“What happened? Did you tell him you were gay? If you did, I don’t know whether to be proud or horrified.”
“He was angry with me over something and took me down the garden. He asked if I thought he was stupid. I realised he’d guessed. He hit me.” He touched the bruise on his face.
A muscle twitched in Martin’s cheek.
“There’s a boy I like,” Zeph said quietly. “He’s new. He’s in all my classes. Alice likes him too. They all think I’m in some way stopping her going out with him. He doesn’t want to go out with her.”
“Does he want to go out with you?”
Zeph shrugged. “He likes me but Dad threatened to throw me out if I don’t stay away from him. I think Jack has to be careful too.”
“Dan’s an idiot. I didn’t even need to ask Paulo, but he knew what I wanted to do and told me to ask you. Come and live with us.”
Zeph felt his lip quiver.“Thank you for offering. Thank you for coming to see me but you live too far away. I don’t want to change schools.”
“You could. You’ve only just started the term. If they use a different exam board, you’d quickly catch up.”
“I want to stay here.”
Martin smiled. “I thought you might. You really like this boy.”
Zeph nodded.
“You sure he likes you in the way you want him to?”
“He kissed me. It was as if the sun came out.”
Martin squeezed his shoulder. “It’s okay to be gay,” he whispered. “Don’t let anyone try and tell you otherwise. But how you deal with it is up to you. If you’re not ready to be out yet, then that’s fine. Wait until you are. Things have changed from when your dad and I were at school. AIDS terrified everyone.”
“Are you trying to excuse the way you were treated? Your parents threw you out. Dad pretends you don’t exist unless he has to acknowledge you do. He still calls you Stefanie.”
“I don’t think he’ll ever accept who I am. But when I was younger, our parents were scared. Dan was scared. It’s never going to be easy to be trans but it is easier than it was. A little. Plus, HIV hasn’t gone away though there’s so much more that can be done these days. Your dad is frightened for you.”
Zeph wished that was all it was, but it wasn’t.
“We’ll stay in touch,” Martin said. “If you want help, just ask. Okay? I better go. I don’t want your stepsisters to report back to Dan and get you into trouble. I wanted you to know that you are loved. If you need it, you have a home with us.”
“Thank you.” Zeph hugged him, taking strength from Martin’s hold.
That warmth in his chest lasted right until he headed into school and saw Rufus and Scott sniggering.
“Like old guys, princess?” Rufus came up alongside him.
“He’s my uncle.”
They both burst out laughing. Zeph didn’t care whether they believed him or not. He just hoped they didn’t say anything to Alice.
It was a double period of games first thing. Not usually mandatory in the sixth form, but it was at their school. Ten of their year, including Alice, who’d opted for cross country running because she was an idiot, were given instructions on which route to take by the teacher. At least Rufus and Scott were nowhere in sight. There was more choice of what youcould do for the last two years at school and the pair had chosen basketball. Alice had never been interested in cross country. Zeph couldn’t remember her ever doing it before. She looked pale and drawn. He doubted she could run more than a hundred metres. The only reason she was there was because Jack was running.
