Page 59 of Everything That Kills Me
The next time the family came to visit, Zeph spoke.
“I want to speak to Alice,” he croaked.
Alice looked horrified.
“On her own,” Zeph added.
She looked even more horrified.
When the other three had left the room, he stared at her. “I know what you did.”
“What are you talking about?” She stood twisting her fingers together.
“Did Rufus and Scott tell you to push me?”
“No, they pulled you off the track.”
“Did you want me to die?”
She shook her head. Tears were falling now. “I saw you. You and Jack.”
“Saw us where?”
“In the beach hut. I followed you when you went to Wisby. I saw you take him to the hut and I looked through the window.”
Oh God.
“He’s gay?” she whispered. “You’re gay?”
“Yes.”
“Does Dad know?”
“He suspects.”
“Why didn’t Jack tell me!” Her face screwed up as she cried.
“Because this was new to both of us. It was our secret until we were ready for it not to be a secret. But he had leave. Move house. So…”
“I can’t… I was going to kill myself,” she whispered.
Zeph’s lungs locked.
“I wanted to die.”
“I know you’re unhappy. I’m unhappy too, but you have to look forward. Decide what you want in your future. Something or someone attainable.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re good at everything.”
“Not at dancing.” Zeph made himself smile.
“That’s true.” Her lips curved up for a moment.
“I’m not going to tell Dad or Elisa what you did,” Zeph told her. “You’re the only one I’ve told that I’m gay. Secret. Okay? But you have to get help, Alice. You’re too thin.”
“I’m not.”
“You are. You just can’t see it. Promise to go and see someone and I swear not to tell anyone you pushed me.”
