Page 65 of Everything That Kills Me
Zeph’s heart jumped into his throat and stuck there. “Why now?”After three fucking years?
“I needed to see you.”
Damn his stupid heart for beating faster. “Are you going to explain why you left so suddenly?”
“I can try.”
So he wouldn’t.
When Jack made the turn into the next street before he did, Zeph sucked in a breath. Jack knew where he lived? He testedhis theory by walking past his door. Jack had stopped outside number thirty-five. Zeph walked back.
“Can I come in?”
Zeph unlocked the door and pushed it open. “I’m upstairs. Or did you know that too?”
He walked up with Jack on his heels. Part of him wanted Jack to slam his door shut, press him against it and kiss him. Another part of him wanted to be cool and remote, find out why it had taken Jack this long to get back in touch and then tell him to fuck off. He knew which part was the stronger and he was angry with himself.
Once Zeph had put on the light and closed the door, Jack stepped away from him. Zeph took off his backpack, kicked off his deck shoes and peeled off his sweater. His room was always hot.
“Do you do lap dances as well?”
Zeph blinked. “As well as what?”
“Stripping.”
Oh God.Zeph’s cheeks heated. That wasn’t… “Would you like a drink?”
“No, thank you.” Jack had taken off his jacket and was walking around, examining everything.
There wasn’t much. A double bed. An orderly desk with his laptop in the middle and three screens arranged around it. Shelves filled with books, files of notes, a whiteboard covered in equations and code. There was a little bathroom behind a sliding door. Zeph had a kettle to make hot drinks, but he shared a kitchen with the rest of the house. He drew the curtains to shut out the street and keep Jack to himself.
“How’s Cambridge?” Jack asked. “Everything you wanted it to be?”
“Not everything.” He didn’t turn round.
Jack came up behind him. Zeph felt his breath hitting his neck, and it was as if the years peeled away. He’d missed him so much. Too much.
“Then what’s missing?” Jack whispered.
Zeph wanted to sayyoubut he turned to face Jack and said, “Happiness.”
Jack looked shocked. “You’re not happy here? But this is what you wanted, what you planned for. Your dream. What will make you happy?”
“I guess that’s what I’m waiting to find out.”
“I thought about you a lot. Did you think about me?”
“For a long while I couldn’t think of anything but you.” Zeph’s stomach twisted into a knot.
Jack’s eyes flared, the grey darkening. “And now?”
“Now you’re in front of me, you’re all I can think about. Why are you here? What have you been doing? Why did you leave? Where have you been? Why couldn’t you contact me?” Zeph bit his lip to stop more questions pouring out.
“If I can’t answer all those questions, would you prefer that I left?”
Zeph knew he could have told Jack to leave and he’d have gone. But those words would not come out of his mouth. His nerves spiked like sharp needles. Pain running alongside pleasure. He’d imagined this moment for years and all that he’d thought he’d say had disappeared.
“I’m thinking about kissing you.” Zeph felt like he’d blurted that out but he hadn’t. He’d considered every word and still said them while his brain popped and fizzed in an alarming way. “Wondering if it would be the same, still electric, still magic.”
