Page 76 of Everything That Kills Me
“No.”
Am I your boyfriend?
Jack turned Zeph’s head by his chin so he was looking at him.
“You’re my first,” Zeph blurted. “And if you say you’d guessed, I might hit you.”
“Might you?”
Zeph groaned. “No.” He took a deep breath. “I get the feeling you know everything and I don’t know anything. I don’t want to get things wrong.”
“Things?” Jack’s mouth quirked.
“Yes, things.”
“Like thethingswe’ve done so far?”
“Exactly like them.”
“Did you do anything wrong?”
Zeph gulped. “I just lay there.”
“So?”
“But I just lay there!”
“I remember you doing more than that. But did you enjoy what we did?”
“Yes.”
“Did you at any time want me to stop? Or did you want to stop?”
“No.”
“Then don’t worry.”
Zeph was quiet for only a moment. “Have…you been with a lot of guys?”
“No.”
Zeph swallowed hard. “But some?”
“Yes. But I’ve not done this with any of them. Never eaten a meal they’d made, sat on a bed and talked to them, laughed with them, made plans for a holiday…”
Thatwas what Zeph needed to hear.
“But…” Jack said.
Zeph definitely didn’t need to hear abut.He turned away.
Jack stroked Zeph’s cheek until he turned back. “Youdoneed to hear thebut.”
I don’t. I really don’t.
“You have another year at Cambridge, a plan for where you want to work after graduation. I’m a ghost. I can’t be part of your world. Nor should I flit in and out of your life when it suits me. That’s not fair to you. All I can offer is this summer.”
Zeph’s heart, which had been on the mend, cracked like the San Andreas fault.
