Page 29 of Everything That Kills Me
In one of Jack’s training sessions, a trainer he was getting the better of in a fight pleaded with him to go easy, talking about not wanting to go back to his kids with a dislocated elbow. Jack hesitated and it cost him the encounter.
Over dinner, Thomas criticised him for pausing. “Not everything will be done at a distance. Don’t lose focus. No one you are engaged to kill will be innocent. Even if it’s not the head of the snake, those who work for them are legitimate targets.”
“But this man was a trainer, not the enemy.”
“You shouldn’t have hesitated. He was trying to put you off. You weren’t going to damage him.”
Jack had felt like he might. “How do I kill someone when they tell me they don’t want to leave their children without a father? When they say their wife is pregnant? When they claim they’ve been forced to do something bad because their family has been threatened?”
“How do you know they’re telling the truth? You can’t know. What sort of father are they to get drawn into the business they’re in? As for those who claim they’re working under duress… Can you safely let them go? Doubtful.”
“So I just kill them?”
“First and foremost, you consider your job and your own safely and security, and that of others you might be protecting.”
His world was full of grey lines, Jack thought. Every fucking shade of grey.
Jack went for a shower after his run, worried Thomas was going to tell him not to be friends with Zeph, that Zeph wanting to join the security services, even in a desk job, meant it was too risky to be associated with him. Then again, maybe Zeph would be a useful contact. But that was five years from now. There was little chance they’d still be in touch. Less than little. No chance.Jack had to be a lone wolf. It wouldn’t be long before he didn’t even have Thomas at his back.
What lay ahead was a future he’d been brought up to expect. To want. It had been what he’d chosen. He’d be doing good. Even if no one knew he was the good guy. Even if he died with no one knowing that. Except now he was a little less sure this was what he wanted.
He knew he didn’t want to push Zeph away. He was supposed to be blending in. Zeph helped him do that. He had all his arguments ready for when Thomas told him to pull back from the friendship.
He came downstairs to find Thomas had made them both a cooked breakfast.
“We’re going away next weekend,” Thomas said.
“Where?”
“Türkiye. Istanbul.”
“Oh.” They’d been there a year ago.
“What do you remember?”
“No hands in pockets when talking to people. They tend to stand closer to each other than we do. A downward nod of the head means yes. Backward tilt means no. Leave your teaspoon over your glass to signal no more, thank you. The usual Muslim customs, though alcohol is legal there.”
“If you’re over eighteen. You won’t be going to school on Friday morning. I’ll call and tell them you’re sick. We should be back on Sunday. Possibly Saturday.”
“You’re doing a job?”
“No. You are.”
Jack froze.
“I’ll be with you, but it’s your job. Hakan Kubat. Read the details on my laptop. I’ve left the file open. See what you can come up with.”
Jack tried not to eat too quickly. He was apprehensive and excited but made sure he showed nothing.
“I’m going to sit with you as you read, watch you, only correct you if you’re going down the wrong path.”
For all the training Jack had done, knowing someone was going to die by his hand brought a lump to his throat. It was hard to finish his breakfast but he knew Thomas would notice if he didn’t, so he chewed slowly and swallowed every mouthful. Once he’d washed up the breakfast things, he headed to Thomas’s study.
There was a special operating system on Thomas’s computer that used the hardware but not the software or drive storage. The system preserved anonymity by never storing data about what you’d looked at or done, forcing all internet activity through a special network. Thomas and Jack were rarely apart but when they were, they talked to each other using draft messages on an account they shared. Everything was deleted once read.
Jack started to read. Thomas dropped into the chair at his side.
When Jack had done, he pushed his chair away from the desk. All the clues were in the document as to what Thomas wanted him to suggest about dispatching Kubat. Details of the man’s routine along with information about who he’d supplied with arms, who he’d had killed and how he’d had them killed. Not only men, but women and children too. Punishment for not doing exactly what he wanted was severe. An entire family murdered. Jack chewed his cheeks.
