Page 44 of Light Up
“I think about it all the time,” Corey whispered. “Me and a sub. What we’d do, how we’d play. I don’t know whether or not that’s healthy. Is it healthy? Or at least normal? Maybe don’t tell me if it’s not. It’s my only comfort. I jerk off imagining what I’d do, what he’d do, what he’d say. I don’t want to give up looking, only I’m not sure I can settle for less than I want. That’s not dom behaviour, is it, to give up, to be uncertain? Then other times, I think I might as well stop hoping, that I’m wasting my life. But apart from walking into a club with a sign around my neck sayingPart-timedom looking for part-time sub who’s nothing like me,what can I do?”
Then an idea occurred to him. “Could you teach me about being a dom? Show me how to find someone? How to approach someone? What are you into? Do we have anything in common?”
“Are you a virgin?”
“No! Well, a virgin dom, yes. But I’ve had sex. I’m twenty-two. Of course, I’ve had sex but just ordinary stuff. You know, things like watersports, fisting, sounding, scat play. God! That was a joke. And totally inappropriate. Shit! I am so nervous. I’ve never talked to anyone like this. Doms have to start somewhere, right? How did you learn? Is there a school? A club that teaches people how to be doms? I suppose I’d have to pay to join. I mean I think I know what to do but maybe I don’t. Would it be expensive? How can I find out? Am I going to get laughed at?”
“I… I…”
“Could you teach me?” Corey whispered. “That would be awesome. Maybe I could be your sub, just to learn what it’s like. That’s important, right? How can you be a good dom if you don’t understand what your sub needs, what he’s going through? Maybe we could swap roles in the murder-mystery. You can show me how a dom would behave and I could try to be a sub.Obviously, we can’t go too far. Not physically anyway. People would freak out.I’dfreak out if you told me to lick your shoes or you tried to put your fist in my mouth. But then a dom shouldn’t make his sub feel uncomfortable, even if it’s just pretending. Unless you’d agreed beforehand.”
“I’m not a dom.”
“Oh.” Corey’s eyes widened and he chomped on his lip. “Sorry.”
~~~
Tal hadn’t wanted to interrupt once Corey got started. That this…barely out of his teens young man, this mouthy but earnest, passionate guy could think he was a dom—it was…ridiculous! Nothing about him said dom. Everything about him said twinky brat.
Did he have any idea what was involved, the complexities of the relationship between dom and sub? The intricacies of the power dynamics, the need for absolute communication, the emotional toll, the trust required? Most importantly, that it was the sub who had the real power, not the dom? But he’d read a lot. Watched porn. Tied up a cushion. Right.For Christ’s sake, Corey!
It had been a struggle not to roll his eyes. Except… Wasn’t he being judgmental now? Being everything he despised about the way he was treated?
Corey exhaled as if all the air in his lungs had whooshed out of him. “I assumed and I didn’t give you the chance to correct me, did I? Sorry.”
Tal could have kept quiet. He didn’t need to say more than he had. So he wasn’t entirely sure he understood why he opened his mouth and said, “I’m a sub.” Maybe it was because Corey had been open and honest with him. Maybe because he didn’t want to be judgmental. He didn’t want to be like everyone else.
Corey slowly slid down beneath the surface of the water, just as if he were dissolving. Tal waited for him to emerge. He was just beginning to think he’d have to pull him up when Corey reappeared, blinking water from his long lashes.
“I was contemplating claiming a Great White had got me. I feel so embarrassed. I’m really sorry. I keep making assumptions, don’t I? And I have the gall to do that after I complained that people make assumptions about me. Unforgiveable. I’m nervous, in case you hadn’t noticed. I want to say I can’t believe you’re a sub and that sounds terrible and I shouldn’t have even said it, just thought it. Oh God. Not even thought it. I’m sorry. I’m going for the record for the number of times I saysorrywhile I’m sitting in hot water, literally and figuratively, drinking lovely champagne with a guy I fancy. Oh look. A record.”
“I have…particular needs,” Tal said.
“Did I manage to cover any of them in my bout of verbal diarrhoea?”
Tal hesitated. “Yes.”
“In the list of stuff I wouldn’t do? Damn, of course they are. Because that’s my fucking life. And I’ve probably offended you again. Sorry,again.”
Oh God.Now Tal couldn’t speak.
“Will you tell me what you want? What you’re looking for?” Corey asked. “You could still teach me. Will you? Can I do things to you? Things you want. Will you do things to me? Show me what it’s like? Help me?”
“We’re not going to discuss this now. You’ve had too much to drink.”
He watched Corey wrestle with his thoughts. “Just one question—no, two questions and then I’ll shut up. Do you always bottom when you have sex?”
“No. I like topping too.”
“Maybe that answers my other question. Do you want to be a sub all the time when you have sex with your dom or just when you’ve agreed to do a scene?”
“Only when I’m playing.” Though Dorian had other ideas.
“You shivered then.”
“Did I?”
“Someone hurt you.” Corey’s eyes glittered. “Is he the reason you’re not with anyone? Because, I mean, look at you. You’re perfect. Did he get away with hurting you? Did no one call him out on it? What did he do?”
