Page 96 of Light Up
“Of course I’m not.”
“What happened changed me. I wasn’t a victim but I started to feel like one, which was why I was committed for so long. I had to…rebuild myself, my self-esteem, regain my self-worth. Not easy when I didn’t think I deserved to breathe. I was almost lost, hiding inside my head. I felt safe there. Then one doctor, Mikal Kiska, got through to me, made me see that compared to many, I was fortunate. That I was wasting the life I had. I found myself again a year later.
“We only get one chance at this and I didn’t want to stay broken. I’ve not made much of a success of things so far. Sometimes I wonder what I’d have been like if it hadn’t happened, if what I am now matches what I would have been. But it can’t, can it? Experiences change you, for better or worse.”
“They do.”
“Is that the way you see Dorian? An experience that changed you for the worse or better?”
“At the time, I didn’t see it as a good thing. It’s hard to trust again when something like that happens. I didn’t want to let anyone into my life. Just like you.”
“Until me.”
Tal smiled. “Until you, you completely unsuitable, too young for me, brave, gorgeous fae boy with your crazy hair and purple nail polish and those gorgeous eyes. I want you in my life.”
Corey’s face lit up. “Is this real? Sometimes I think maybe I died in that crash and all this is what happens in heaven. Assuming I go to heaven.”
“I’m real. Our safe word was…?”
“Polar bear,” they said together.
“Are you too tired to talk about what you want?” Corey asked. “Or to hear about what I want? Or do you remember?”
“You want someone to take care of. I want someone to take care of me. I’m not looking for pain but for kindness.”
“Does that have a name?”
“A pleasure dom.”
Corey ran his finger over Tal’s lips. “What’s the difference between that and someone who’s intensely focused on their partner’s pleasure? Isn’t it just being a considerate lover?”
“The difference is the intense focus, about having ultimate control of the timing and intensity of the other person’s pleasure. And working out how to get there whether it’s through frustration, pain, shame and so on.”
“I want to unravel you from being a man into a desperate mess,” Corey whispered. “I want to make you into a blissed-out puddle. I want you so over-stimulated your nerve endings sing. I want you to look at me and know I did that to you.”
Tal groaned. “Now I’m hard as iron and frustrated. Thank you.”
Corey chuckled, then took a deep breath. “I like the idea of tying someone up in elaborate rope work because they need it, and because I do too.”
“It’s not wrong for both to need it in a different way.”
“Do you remember what we did? My hands on your neck?”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t ask you.”
“I’m glad you didn’t. You were careful. I mean, what were you going to say? Can I choke you?”
Corey managed a smile. “But you like breath play?”
“Sometimes. I trusted you. I shouldn’t have taken the risk, but I did. Just as I’d let you tie me up and I’d trust you. I hadn’t been sure I’d ever do that again, but now I will.”
“If only that service station had sold the right sort of rope for you to open tomorrow morning.”
Tal laughed.
“Are you sure you want me?” Corey whispered. “Your friends don’t think you should.”
