Page 92 of Light Up
The only explanation he could think of was that as they’d sheltered in the back of Corey’s car—which he didn’t rememberat all—they’d talked, or rather Corey had talked because chat was not Tal’s thing. Then their subconscious minds had done the rest. Maybe Corey had said—Imagine if we walked and found a hotel and they had all sorts of Christmassy events planned… Things like a murder-mystery party. Let’s make up names for characters.Had he talked to Corey about doms and subs? They would have been desperately trying to stay awake because of the risk of hypothermia.
He hardly paid attention to the remainder of the film. He felt uneasy, unsettled, generally disconcerted and he didnotlike it. Tal needed logical explanations, rules, everything in its place. Even worse, he didn’t know how to make this sense of dislocation go away. Louis might think he ought to have nothing to do with Corey, but Tal felt the opposite. He felt as if Corey was the key to…everything. Tal could feel his anxiety eating into him. There had to be a sensible explanation for all of this, why he was so drawn to Corey. He needed to think, to go over everything. He needed to be alone.
“I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” Tal freed himself from Corey and pushed to his feet. “See you in the morning.”
When he was outside the door, he leaned back against it and took a breath. Had he been too abrupt?Yes.Should he have left Corey on his own with Louis?Probably not.Benjamin was fine but Louis…
“I’ll go up too,” he heard Corey say.
“No,” Louis snapped. “Give him a moment.”
Tal knew better than to eavesdrop. Hadn’t Corey done the same thing earlier? But he couldn’t move.
“You’re fucking up his life,” Louis said.
Oh God, Louis! That’s not fair. Leave him alone!
Corey didn’t answer.
“You tell this crazy story about walking to some hotel through deep snow, make up the Hallmark movie events you didthere, which are the last fucking things on the planet that Tal would want to take part in, and you expect him to accept what you’re saying? Just leave him alone.”
“I know it can’t have happened,” Corey said quietly. “It felt like it did, but I know it can’t have. It’s outside anything that can be explained by what we know of the world. But Tal’s remembering things that I remember too, stuff I haven’t told him about. I don’t know how long we were in the car before we were found. Falling asleep could have been fatal, especially with our injuries. I can only assume we talked about all sorts of things to stay awake. I can’t explain why it seemed so real. No dream I’ve ever had was like that.”
“So you finally accept it didn’t happen?” Louis said.
“My head says it was impossible. But not my heart. That might never change. Sometimes inexplicable thingsdohappen. You must see that as a doctor. Miraculous recoveries. Same with coincidences. We either accept those strange occurrences or we don’t. Idoknow that I like Tal a lot and he likes me. Well, he liked me a lot when we were in the hotel, but he doesn’t remember everything. Yet. His memories are returning slowly.”
“You’re feeding them to him.”
“I’m not. I’ve never done that. I don’t understand why you’re not happy for him.”
“You said you know what he wants, that you can be what he wants, that youhadbeen what he needs. What the fuck did you mean by that?”
Tal’s heart thumped hard.
“What did you think I meant?”
“That you’ve fucked him. Or you think you’ve fucked him. What the hell do you imagine you can provide for Tal?”
“Louis, stop,” Benjamin said. “That’s enough.”
“Let him answer,” Louis snapped.
“That’s between Tal and me.”
“We don’t trust you,” Louis said. “You’re taking advantage of him.”
“Oh God. I’m not. You think I want his money? I don’t. But I want to be clear about something. I’m not walking away from Tal. Not unless he tells me to. You don’t have to like me. That’s up to you. You’ve making it sound as if you expect him to choose between me and you. He told me how long you’ve been friends. Friends are important. He needs you. I don’t want you to stop being his friend or him to stop being yours. But I’m no one’s enemy. Believe me, I have no intention of hurting him.”
“You’re not what he needs,” Louis hissed.
“I am until he tells me I’m not. I’m not going to stand here and argue with you. I’m tired and my heart hurts. Goodnight.”
Tal moved fast, up the stairs into the guest room. When Corey walked in a moment later, he gave a short laugh. “The stairs creaked. You’ve only just come up so you heard all that.”
Tal nodded.
Corey bit his lip. “Louis really doesn’t like me. I don’t want to spoil Christmas. If you want me to go, then I’ll go. Not tonight, please. I don’t fancy my chances in this weather unless Santa picks me up in his sleigh, but tomorrow…”
