Page 36 of The Top of Admiration
“I never asked Miranda to do shit,” Cordy seethed at her older sister. “She took on Harrison because she wanted to, and because it made me feel better. That’s what she does when she loves someone. It was more fucking helpful than your standard matronly act of constantly telling us all to grow up and move on! You’ve been an old lady since you were 12. You should thank us for making your life less beige. I mean you married an accountant for fuck’s sake.”
“Hey,” Seamus said, looking wounded.
“Enough!” boomed Theo. “Enough. The last time I let you all run a conversation like this without guardrails, we ended up with a ‘peace llama’ in the living room.” He made quotation marks with his fingers.
“It was a baby goat, Dad,” Cordy said quietly. “And we found little Bodhi a good home.” Leah nodded sagely in agreement. I guess I could see which parent passed on the crazy gene. Juliet stood in her seat, wiping angry tears from her eyes.
“Juliet,” Seamus warned, low.
“Don’t ‘Juliet’ me.” She didn’t look at him; she looked at Miranda and shook her head. “I’m the reasonable one and as usual, you two gang up against me. I either go quietly and willingly into your messes, or you leave me out completely. Well, I’m done. Fester in your own dramas. ‘Thank’ him again and kill him, Miranda, but I won’t be there to pick up the pieces.”
“That’s rich. You two always ganged up on me,” Miranda shot back. “Why can’t Miranda be more responsible like Juliet? Why can’t Miranda be as stable as Cordelia? Oh, Cordelia bought a home.” She mimicked Leah’s voice. “Too bad it was with an asshole, and I was the one picking up the pieces. And where the fuck were you, Jules? Working a million hours a week as usual.”
Furious that Miranda had turned against her, Cordy stood angrily. “Sorry I couldn’t foresee my boyfriend fucking a teen chipmunk in our house! At least Harrison knew that Grandad was dead.”
Theo rubbed his temples and stared hopelessly at Leah, who quietly said “Girls!”
Juliet stormed out with Seamus close on her heels with the car keys. “Leah, Theo … everyone … I’m sorry. It’ll be okay.” He left quietly.
Cordy and Miranda glared at each other, but while Cordy looked the picture of fury, Miranda appeared about ready to break.
She turned to me. “I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice, the words barely making it out. “For the drink. The step. The kite.For all of it. I wanted to say thank you without blowing your secret. Which is dumb, and I’m—” She faltered, palms open, like she could catch the confession if it fell out of her. “I am catastrophic. I fuck everything up.”
I held her gaze. “No, you don’t,” I said quietly. “Don’t hide. Just sit with me. Eat some healthy potatoes.” Leah, while obviously upset, nodded, determined to get rid of the unbuttered potatoes.
Miranda shook her head, pushed her seat back, and left the house with a quiet close of the door. Cordy huffed and sat straighter in her chair. “Well, I can hardly storm out of my own house, but if anyone needs to criticize me further, I’ll be in my room.” Damon followed close behind her.
Lucy pulled a ‘yikes’ face and offered to help Leah and Theo clean up, which they gratefully accepted. While we moved about cleaning, Lucy prattled on about some new lip stain, with Leah responding politely as though World War III hadn’t just erupted. Theo worked in silence, scraping plates and putting away leftovers.
As I left, Leah patted my arm. “Sorry about all the injuries, Cam. Don’t let tonight scare you off,” she said in that soft-but-earnest tone only mothers seem to manage. “We haven’t had a fight like that in at least a year. And at least this one didn’t damage the inflatable Santa again. Gosh, we’ve gone through a few of those. Or the slow cooker, so we’re definitely improving.”
I nodded blankly, trying to imagine what sequence of human decisions could involve damage to both a Christmas decoration and kitchen appliance. And why was Santa repeatedly made into collateral damage?
“Miranda … she’s unpredictable, yes, but she makes life brighter in ways you don’t always see straight away. She’ll make you laugh when you least expect it, and if she loves you, she’ll standbeside you through anything. Loyalty is her backbone, even if her methods are … unconventional.”
She gave me a small smile, half weary, half hopeful. “You deserve someone loving, Cameron. But loving doesn’t always mean safe. With her, you’ll never be bored, and you’ll never be unloved.”
Amen. I couldn’t think of a happier future.
Chapter 30: Miranda — Remorse
I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends
The Merry Wives of Windsor, William Shakespeare
I sat in the Walmart parking lot with my head on the steering wheel. Where else could I go? My house had imploded, I could no longer count on Bad Cam, not that I ever could, and I didn’t want to bring crazy to the door of my friends’ houses at this hour.
Juliet was right. I was a mess. I should be so much more stable now. I know my teens were full of misguided adventure, but I was supposed to be an adult. I was supposed to be working toward a reliable career, a solid future. Instead, I was playing more games, but this time causing injury to a man who I was beginning to realize I had strong feelings for. And he was so patient, sitting there at our dinner table with a calm look on his face.
I always thought stability and predictability were a little dull. Jules’s life would kill me, but where had my patterns taken me? I’d wasted years on an irresponsible commitment-phobe, probably because he was ‘safe.’ He’d never ask me for more than fun. Monogamy was my only demand, and he’d delivered on that. Physically at least.
Good Cam was reliable. Stable. And something told me when he was with someone, he committed fully. And that wasn’t safe. At least not for me. I’d drive someone like him away in record time, even if I was on my best behavior. Sure, Lucy had given him a good apprenticeship in spending time with someone whoconsistently found themselves in sticky situations, but I was like Lucy on steroids, even when I didn’t mean to be. My “Thank Cam” campaign got him injured at each stage. Controlled mischief was apparently my thing. My Harrison campaign was flawless, but this … this was something else.
I stared at my dash pointlessly. I had to go home, but I’d been awful to Cordy, who had only been trying to defend me. I threw Harrison’s infidelity in her face to take the heat off me, and outed Juliet’s teen pregnancy scare in front of everyone. Now I was not only chaotic, I was cruel, and that wasn’t me. I knew that much.
I turned the key in the ignition. I’d start with Cordy. Throw myself on her mercy and beg her forgiveness, which I knew without doubt she’d give freely and immediately. Jules would be harder. I had to apologize for the pregnancy announcement, but I was still angry at her. She had been irrationally angry at a situation that didn’t even involve her, but given her ‘darling’ snarl and baby jibe at Seamus, I suspected she had something deeper going on. Something she’d need her sister for.
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