Page 33 of Coming to Grips
They lie watching each other again when Chase says, “So, last night...that was...”
Every muscle in Kyle’s body tenses. “Please don’t tell me you’re—”
Chase shakes his head. “No, I don’t regret it at all. I just...” He sighs, studies the lightly textured ceiling.
“You just what?”
“I’ve only ever dated women. I have no idea what I’m doing.”
Kyle laces their fingers together. “As long as you’re not walking away, take all the time you need to figure your shit out. I’ve waited five years for this moment. I can wait another six months, a year.” He doubts it’ll be that long. Not really. But Chase needs to know that the time is his to take, as well as the reassurance that Kyle’ll be there. In reality, they’ve been in a relationship for years, their friendship aside. The only thing they’ve gotten from others for the last four years is sex. He’ll give Chase whatever space he needs.
Chase surges to his working elbow, causing him to lean slightly toward Kyle, a frown marring his handsome features. “Am I going to be the woman in our relationship?”
“What?” Kyle snorts. At least Chase is thinking of them in a relationship.
“You know, since you’ve been gay forever—am I going to be thought of as the, I don’t know, the woman, the feminine one, between the two of us?”
“In all the years we’ve been friends, has anyone ever thought that?”
Chase shrugs. “I don’t know. It never occurred to me to worry about it. But I dated women, so our standing as the men in our relationships had been equal, I guess.”
He has a point and Kyle mulls it over for a moment. “To be honest, Chase, I don’t know. There’s nothing we can do about what people think. Some people are gonna be haters. They’re going to be rude, they’re going to disapprove. I know you remember what I—we—went through when I came out. But the people who know us, who love us, they’re not going to think anything but‘bout damn time.”
Chase chuckles. “If you say so.”
“But if it makes you feel better, I’ll let you be the man.”
“Shut up,” he says around a grin that slides off his face a moment later.
“Now what?”
A blush creeps up his neck and colors his shoulders. “I really don’t know what I’m doing... You’ve been gay forever, have had relationships with men. Sex...” His voice comes out strangled when he says “sex.”
Kyle swallows a smile. “We’ve had sex, Chase, just FYI.”
He nods. “Okay, right. But, um, I have no idea how to be in a relationship with another guy.”
“It’s about being with a person—not whether that person is a man or a woman. You were in a relationship with Anna; you’ve been in a relationship with me. We’ve been friends a long time and not much about our relationship is going to change. The penetrative sex, when we get to it, which is what I think you meant before, will be further expression of how we feel about each other, not just getting off like in porno movies. I mean, I hope there’ll be times when it’s mostly physical, when we just want to tear each other’s clothes off and go for it—” Kyle waggles his brows, and color trickles up and over Chase’s scruffy jaw. “—but most of the time it’ll probably be the small expressions of affection that turn into more.”
“I just don’t want you to be less than satisfied with any aspect of our relationship.”
Kyle’s heart feels like an over-filled balloon, ready to burst. He sniffs back the slight burn of emotion in his nose. He gets to have this. He finally gets the one person who’s always understood him best, loved him most. “That’ll never happen. You’ll learn me and I’ll learn you. No part of the process changes because we share a gender.”
“What if I’m just not...” He falls back and stares at the ceiling again.
“Not what?” An edge tinges Kyle’s voice at Chase’s small, quiet tone. He knows who caused that insecurity.
Chase hears it and frowns. “I never got the feeling from Anna that sex with me was more than...nice.” He closes his eyes as the blush completely takes over his face.
A red-hot burst of anger at Anna spikes inside Kyle’s gut. How she could have made Chase feel any less than what he is just pokes the beast within him. But she’s not here, and neither of them needs any negative vibes filling their newfound togetherness.
Kyle cards his fingers through Chase’s rat’s nest of hair. “That probably had more to do with the trouble between you two than any skill either of you possesses or lacks. I know you had doubts for a while.”
“Maybe...”
“Chase, look at me.”
He waits for Chase to turn his head.
“Last night was awesome. When you took charge? Yeah, that was seriously hot. I haven’t felt so good or come so hard in ages.” He isn’t going to admit it was because he hadn’t been with anyone in several months, even before Chase’s accident.
“Really?”
“Really.” Kyle leans in and kisses him again, licking into his mouth, nibbling his lip, sucking his chin. It’s a little after eight, early-riser syndrome striking again, and checkout isn’t for a few more hours. The have plenty of time to lose themselves in each other once more.
