Page 45 of Coming to Grips
A couple of people call his name. Someone whistles. He smiles nervously. “Thanks. Yeah, so. The reason I’m up here tonight...if you were here last Friday, you might have witnessed my outburst.”
The crowd quiets again. He’s surprised the rapid thud of his heart isn’t being picked up by the microphone.
He looks down at Kyle and points at him. “This here is my best friend, Kyle. We’ve been best friends for about thirteen years now. We’ve weathered a lot of things together...”
The attention of the entire bar is now on Chase. It’s dead quiet. No one’s playing pool or throwing darts. There’s no clinking of glasses at the bar even. The spotlight’s on him figuratively and literally and the sweat beads on his forehead. He swipes his forearm across it. His throat feels like someone’s got their hands around it. His head feels as if it could float right off his body. He takes a breath. The sooner he says his piece, the sooner he can flee.
“I said some nasty things last week. Things that really hurt Kyle. Things I regret. Things I wish I could unsay, but since I can’t, I can only apologize. In public. To Kyle.”
He meets Kyle’s gaze again. “Kyle, I’m so sorry. I have no excuse and I’m asking right here, right now, will you forgive me?”
Cheers and applause echo through the building.
Kyle nods. “Of course, I forgive you, Chase. Thank you.” Not that Chase can really hear him; there’s too much noise now. He can make out the shape of his words though.
Chase takes another breath. The apology was the easy part. “I’d, uh...also like to set the record straight about some of those things I said.”
The noise abates again.
Kyle cocks his head, his eyebrow rises. He might have been expecting the public apology, but Chase knows he won’t be anticipating what’s coming next. He scans the crowd, gaze not stopping anyplace particular.
“As I said before, Kyle’s my best friend, I hope that never changes. But when I stated that’s all we were, it was a lie...things had changed between us. That’s what made my words so reprehensible.”
Chase hears a gasp and a few murmurs. His knees feel like jelly. Kyle looks dumbstruck.
Chase clear his throat a little. “I’ve never thought of myself as gay. I’m not sure I actually am gay, but whatever I am, I love Kyle as a best friend and...I love him as more than a best friend. Kyle, I hope we can work towards being partners for life.”
Cheers and clapping break out again, along with a couple of whistles and some catcalls.
Kyle turns away, disappears into the people behind him. Chase’s stomach lurches, his vision goes black, and he gasps for air. Oh, God, oh, God... Kyle’s walking away. Oh, God, Chase’s broken them for good. What the heck was he gonn—
He feels arms around him and goes slack. Chase breathes in the smell of cologne and that underlying scent of outdoors and sunshine that he always associates with Kyle. He opens his eyes to see Kyle. Kyle’s hugging him. Chase chokes back a sob of relief, pulls in lungfuls of air, and throws his working arm around him. “Kyle.”
“God, Chase, I don’t know what to say. The apology was appreciated and more than enough. The rest was amazing and wonderful, and I love you too.”
A hugeawww...sounds from the crowd and they break apart, Kyle looking as surprised as Chase feels.
“Oh, God,” Chase says, realizing the mic is still in his hands. He thrusts it back to Marty and follows Kyle off the stage to friendly laughter.
Hands clap Chase on the shoulder as they wind their way back to the seating area.
The opening chords of “God Bless the Broken Road” begin, and Chase grabs Kyle’s hand, tugging him around to face him. “Kyle, will you dance with me?” Chase had asked them to play it. He hadn’t planned on dancing to it, but he’d had a teacher back in middle school who used to say go big or go home. He might as well go all the way.
Kyle’s mouth opens, then closes. “Are you sure? Making a public confession is one thing. A public display is something else altogether.”
“I’m sure.” Chase nods. “I want to prove to you that I’m all in.”
“Announcing you love me to the whole damn world was pretty good proof, Ace.” Kyle leads Chase a few steps onto the dance floor.
It’s a slow song and it’s awkward because they’re both men and men are supposed to lead.
“You ask, you lead,” says Kyle with a smirk and shrug.
With a quick rearrangement of arms and Kyle holding tightly to his right hand, they’re dancing, circling slowly to the tune.
It’s odd and awkward and wonderful at the same time, and Chase has no desire to be anywhere else than here in Kyle’s arms. Or with Kyle in his arms. Whatever. His heart is full and he can’t help the smile.
