She’s beautiful. She’s a society beauty, fashionable and well-thought-of.
Bernadette felt her heart twist. For the longest time, she’d wished to be like the woman talking to Nicholas. Pretty, elegant, and graceful. She’d longed to draw people’s eyes the way that woman did, so effortlessly. She was refined and lovely and Bernadette felt her heart ache.
He’ll notice how plain and clumsy I am,she thought sadly.
Lady Lockwood was beaming—even from across the room, it was possible to see her evident happiness. Nicholas still didn’t look happy, but he was standing talking to them and Bernadette turned away, heart twisting painfully.
She couldn’t bear to watch him conversing so effortlessly with a high society beauty.
“Bernadette?” A voice spoke behind her, making her turn around. She blinked in surprise, seeing Lady Aldford there. Clarissa and Marcia were nearby, chatting with some guests of around their own age. Bernadette felt relief flood her. She felt better having at least one person who she knew and trusted at the ball.
“Lady Aldford,” she murmured, relieved. “Can I help you with something?” The lady had an inquiring look on her face, those blue eyes—almost an identical blue to Nicholas’--creasedat the edges with a small quizzical frown.
“No,” Lady Aldford said with a smile. “Not at all. I just thought I’d come to greet you. I hardly had a second to talk with you earlier. You look very pretty.”
“Thank you,” Bernadette murmured. She felt her throat tighten with an awkward, shamed feeling as she gazed at her blue gown. She’d felt so proud of it, so pretty in the fine dark blue silk. But a dress couldn’t make her less awkward, less terrible at witty conversation. All of her mother’s chiding flooded back.
A dress can’t do all the work for you. You’re a timid mouse.
She blinked back tears.
“My dear?” Lady Aldford murmured. “Why, whatever is the matter? Are you feeling unwell?”
“A little,” Bernadette confided, struggling to keep her voice from showing her deep emotion. “I need to go outside. It’s very hot in here.” She fanned herself, though the ballroom was not unpleasantly hot. It was a large room and it accommodated them all without seeming to be too hot.
“Of course, my dear,” Lady Aldford replied softly. “I’ll walk with you, if you like?” She glanced over at Marcia and Clarissa, a frown creasing her brow as though she was hesitant to leave them on their own in the crowded ballroom. Bernadette shook her head.
“Thank you, Lady Aldford, but I’ll be quite all right. I just need a minute.” She turned around and hurried across theballroom to the doors at the back.
She paused in the doorway. Lady Lockwood was still laughing with the two guests, and Nicholas was still standing there. Her heart sank. He was paying more heed to the woman in the white gown than he had to her. She swallowed hard, all her shame flooding back, covering her like a cloak. Just seeing that woman reminded her of all the cruel things she believed about herself.
I’m a timid mouse. I’m uninteresting and graceless and nobody is going to look twice.
She walked out onto the terrace and tensed instantly. There were people out there, the murmur of talk soft around her, the scent of perfume in the air teasing the senses. She walked quickly to the rail and turned away, the darkened garden calming her. A stream ran somewhere, or perhaps it was a fountain, the babbling sound of water soothing on the cool night air. The smell of dew was sweet and fresh, better than the cloying perfumes and pomades of the hall. There was no noise outside except for the water and the distant background of talk and laughter.
I should just stay here,she told herself firmly.I don’t belong in the ballroom there.
The terrace was safe and familiar, far away from the stylish guests.
“Ah! Miss Rowland!”
She whipped round as Lord Lockwood greeted her. Herheart thudded, her stomach twisting uncomfortably. She had not spoken with him since she met Nicholas and even then, she’d been a little overawed.
“Good evening,” she greeted him, dropping a deep curtsey.
“Good evening,” he replied lightly. “Capital evening, eh? Candles, music, refreshments...Agatha’s managed it all damnably well. Excuse my language.” He didn’t seem overly apologetic, despite his words, and Bernadette drew a breath.
“I think...” she began, wanting to excuse herself, but he interrupted.
“You’re needed in the ballroom. Nicholas has done a dance without you; so, you need to do the next one. Keep people watching.”
Bernadette stared at him. “I’m sorry?” she asked, utterly confused by his words.
“Nicholas. Just had a dance with Lady Emily. Best come in now, eh? There’s a sensible girl.”
Bernadette hadn’t meant to step towards the ballroom door, but the earl evidently thought she was going that way because he stood back, and she had to enter in front of him or it would seem rude.
She entered the ballroom and stopped in the doorway, looking around. She couldn’t spot Nicholas anywhere. Lady Lockwood was talking with a small group of men and women in somber colors. The young woman in the sparkling dress was nolonger anywhere to be seen.
