Page 38 of Dirty
Father Richards left me standing there, staring out of the window, wondering what the hell he was talking about. Fix stared back at me, hands in his pockets, his face awash with pain, as ifheknew what Father Richards had just said to me, and he really was still crippled by some unknown grief. I couldn’t look away. Fix was broken and undone. He was lightandhe was darkness. And despite every warning bell in my mind that said otherwise, I couldn’t shake the feeling that, while I knew he was danger personified…he might, justmight, also be my safety, too.
EIGHTEEN
SCANDAL
SERA
“You look like…” Fix stepped back, scanning me from head to toe. He grimaced. “I don’t like the color. I don’t like the dress. Fuck. I don’t like any of it. Only thing I like about it is the fact that it’s so sheer.”
“Why’s that appealing? You can’t see through it.” Still, I curved my shoulders, rounding them in, just in case I was wrong and my boobs were currently on show for everyone to see.
“I like the fact that it’s so thin, because I know you’re not wearing any underwear. There’d be…linesor something. I’d be able to see your panties, and I don’t see panties. Which means your pussy’s completely naked under that thing right now and it’s making me fucking hard.”
Jesus wept. At least he was consistent. He hadn’t let up since we’d met, using every opportunity he could to slide in an innuendo or a sexual pun into our conversations. But this…this was a little more direct. “My pussy’s none of your business, Fix. Don’t talk about it. Don’t even think about it.”
He’d found me in back in our hotel room, where I’d briefly returned to plug in my cell phone. Fix was a leaner. Guaranteed, anything he could use to prop himself up with was going to be leaned against. Right now, he was leaning against the TV cabinet, hands in his pockets, watching me as I rifled through my bag, looking for a charger.
“Aren’t you going to ask me?” he said.
“Ask you what?”
“How it went with your father.”
My hands stilled inside my purse. I’d known what he was referring to, but even mentioning that man’s existence caused palpitations in my chest. “Did he leave?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Did he hurt you?”
Fix snorted. “Please.”
“Didyouhurthim?”
“Uhhhh…”
“That’s all I need to know.” I pulled the cable out of my bag and plugged it into the wall. “We should go downstairs. Amy wants me in the photos.”
“I’ll get changed. I have a shirt I can wear—”
“Don’t. You don’t need to get changed.”
A small, entertained smile. “You really don’t want me in these photos, huh?”
“You’re going to be gone from my life in a couple of days, Fix. WhywouldI want you in my sister’s wedding photos? They’re gonna be hanging over her gaudy ass fireplace for the rest of time. That’s not the reason why I don’t want you to change, though. I don’t want you to change, because these people are all assholes, and I don’t give a fuck what any of them think. Amy won’t care what you’re wearing. It’s only Ben and his stuck up relatives, who can frankly go fuck themselves. Screw it.” I’d been boiling over since the chapel, getting madder and madder about Ben’s parents interfering, nearly ruining Amy’s day by inviting Sixsmith here. They were snooty, miserable, belittling motherfuckers, and I wasn’t going to bow and scrape in order to make a good impression with them. I loved Amy with all my heart, but I wouldn’t change myself for her, or for anyone else.
Fix was right. The dress I was wearingwasfucking hideous; I looked like a goddamn macaroon. Snatching some clean clothes, I headed for the bathroom.
“Don’t lock yourself away in there on my account,” Fix called after me. “I swear I won’t peek.”
“Yeah. Right. There’s no way in hell I’m getting changed in front of you,” I retorted. “I’mnotwearing any underwear, after all.” I really wasn’t. He’d been perfectly right in his assumption, and the knowledge he was turned on by the idea of me in nothing but this monstrosity of a dress had affected me more than I thought I would. I slammed the bathroom door, tearing the dress over my head, and tried not to gasp in horror when I realized just how wet I was between my legs. Goddamnit. I wasn’t ready to find myself embroiled in an attraction with another human being. A normal human being, who had a steady job, hobbies, was good to his family and friends. How the fuck had I found myself in this situation, becoming more and more attracted a guy who was never going to spell anything but trouble for me? Fix might not have been a priest anymore, but he was still in possession of the holy trinity: a killer smile; an ass you could bounce a quarter off; and a set of abs so perfectly defined that gazing upon them made you want to weep.
He wasn’t just a man. He wasn’t even of this planet, as far as I was concerned. He was either an alien, crash landed here from some distant galaxy, whereeveryonewas unbelievably attractive, or he really was an angel, who, having fallen from grace and tumbled from heaven, was now living amongst us mere mortal, confusing us all with his surreal, otherworldly hyper-masculine beauty, and generally causing chaos and disruption wherever the fuck he went.
If I valued my sanity, I would get through this next few days, and I’d walk away from him. There was no future for us. I had to go back to work in Seattle, and Fix was constantly on the road, taking jobs, doing things that made my hair stand on end. I’d realized something, as Father Richards had been talking to me just now. Iwasn’thorrified by what I’d seen in that auto shop anymore. Yeah, I could have done without the imagery inside my head, but… Franz hadn’t been sick. He hadn’t acted out of some mental health issue that drove him to behave in depraved, cruel ways. He was just a fucked up, evil piece of shit that had liked hurting people. That was the end of it. Franz would never have stopped. He wouldn’t have reformed, or suddenly not wanted to rape and torture young girls. I was never going to agree with what Fix had done, but…
He was right.
I wasn’t afraid of him.
