Page 40 of Nasty
I closed my eyes, bowing my head. Shit. He really knew how to completely throw me for a loop. I’d gotten angry so fast, ready to assume he didn’t think I was worthy of him, and then in a heartbeat he’d turned everything upside down. He didn’t think I was unworthy. He considered me precious, something to be treasured, and he didn’t want to share.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“What for?”
“For all of this. Having to run me all over the country. Having to try and find this Carver guy. Having to try and keep me safe. Iknowit’s fucked up, apologizing to you for that, but…I don’t know.I just don’t want you to think I’m a terrible person, because someone wants me dead this badly.”
His mouth twitched. Just a little. “I murder people. A lot. And you’re worried about whatIthink ofyou?”
“This isn’t funny, Fix.”
“I’m not laughing.”
He wasn’t, but I knew he wanted to. “Tell me what you’re thinking right now,” I demanded.
“Why are you so panicked about what I’m thinking?”
“Because. I have no control over anything anymore. I’m lost. I’m freaking out. I don’t have a fucking clue what’s going on, and—”
“I’m thinking about how beautiful you are,” Fix said, cutting in. “I’m watching you climb the walls, and I’m thinking about how absolutely stunning you are, and how fucking lucky I am to get to be the guy whodidn’tkill you.”
I stopped pacing. “You aresoweird.”
“Weird is good. Weird’s okay with me.”
Exhaustion crept out of nowhere, sinking its claws into me. I closed my eyes, letting my arms fall limp. “I’m glad you’re the guy who didn’t kill me, too,” I whispered. “You could have been some fat, hairy guy from Michigan named Calvin. At least you’re pretty.”
He snorted. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think this might be the most romantic moment ever documented between an assassin and his victim.”
A bark of laughter burst out of my mouth. “This is all so…unbelievably, categoricallyfucked up. Please. Just tell me life is going to go back to normal soon. I don’t think I can take one more second of this.”
A shadow fell across his face. “If normal is what you want, then I promise you’ll have it really soon. In the meantime, take off that dress.”
“What?”
“Take. Off. That. Dress.”
“Why?” I knew perfectly well why.
“You need a good fucking, Sera. You need my cock inside you right now.”
“Actually, I need a Valium, and I need to call the cops. Plus, you need to get to this Barrows place to get that thumb drive for Rabbit.”
“I have plenty of time.”
He was so serious; he looked down at me like a predator, assessing its prey, and my pulse leapt into overdrive. Fuck. He meant it. He wanted me to strip, and from the set, determined look on his face, he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “I did my best, Sera,” he rumbled. “I behaved myself, and I held myself back. Now it’s time for you to take off the damn dress.”
“I don’t know. I’m feeling…”
“Vulnerable?” Fix finished for me. “Unsafe? Alone? Heartbroken?”
“Yes.” I clenched down on my jaw, flaring my nostrils. I didn’t like hearing those words come out of his mouth. He was right, but admitting I felt all of those things felt pathetic somehow.
“When you’re with me, you’re not vulnerable. When you’re with me, you are safe. When you’re with me, you will never be alone. And as for your heart, Sera, I’ll make sure it’s beating too fast for you to ever feel it ache again.”
I couldn’t locate the part of me that drew taut and snapped. All I knew was that I’d been having trouble scrambling to keep all of the broken pieces that comprised me in place, and then suddenly I just…stopped. I suddenly didn’t need to fight so hard anymore. It felt like all of the things Fix had just said to me were true, and I was finally realizing it for the first time. He hadn’t left my side. He hadn’t abandoned me to my fate when things had become severely complicated. Not for one second had I felt like he was going to hand me my bag and pack me off back to Seattle without him. I wasn’t alone. He was going to fight for me, and protect me, even when I thought I didn’t need it.
So fine.
