Page 39 of Revenge At Raleigh High
They sound delighted that one of their previous tormentors might have been carted off to the loony bin, and I can’t say I blame them, really. We were fucking terrible to them. Zen’s the only one of us with an indoor pool, and all of Raleigh is still buzzing about her cat fight with Rosa Jimenez. Doesn’t take a detective to figure out that Laurie and Jade must be gossiping about her.
“She’s gonna have to shave her head, y’know. No way she’ll be able to pull that off. Her skull’s a weird shape,” Jade titters.
Laurie rolls her eyes. “Her head looked perfectly normal to me. Rosa left her with an inch of hair in a few places remember. I’m telling you, she’s going to show up at school today with a head full of the most expensive, amazing looking extensions and it’ll be like nothing ever happened. This kind of shit doesn’t stick to the Kacey Winters’ crew.”
“It stuck toSilver,” Jade counters.
It’s then that they notice me behind them, pulling my Raleigh sweater and sweatpants out of my gym bag. The girls fall ominously silent. I’m used to overhearing all kinds of shit about myself, so I’m not going to be losing sleep over Jade’s off-the-cuff remark. At the end of the day, she’s right—the shit really did stick to me. I don’t think the girls have ever been caught so blatantly talking about me, or Zen, or anyone else for that matter, though, and they don’t seem to know what to do with themselves.
I pull off my shirt, quickly replacing it with a Raleigh High School Sirens tee, wanting to get dressed as quickly as possible. Technically, I shouldn’t be wearing the Siren’s shirt—I haven’t been on the squad for a long time now—but it doesn’t matter. A second later and my Raleigh sweater is hiding the article of clothing from sight anyway.
Laurie and Jade still haven’t started talking again; the silence in our little corner of the locker room is growing more awkward by the second. Eventually I can’t take it anymore and I turn around to face them. “Zen won’t get extensions. She’s too proud to cover up what happened. She’ll shave her head,” I tell them. “And she’d never try and drown herself. It’s not her style. If Zen was going to kill herself, she’d be a little more theatrical.” I think about it for a second. “She’d probably hang herself. Somewhere public. She’d get a kick out of the fact that someone would have to find her swinging from a light fitting.”
The color drains from the girls’ faces. They look like they’ve seen a ghost. Both of them stare at me, eyes wide and unblinking as I continue to get ready, shimmying out of my jeans and donning my grey sweatpants. It isn’t until I’m doing up my sneaker laces that they dare breathe a word in my direction.
“With both Kacey and Zen out of school…” Jade begins. She has to look to Laurie to supply the rest of her sentence.
Laurie doesn’t seem all that happy to help out. “With both ofthemgone now, we were wondering…are you planning on trying out for the squad again?”
My head snaps up so fast I almost give myself whiplash. “I’msorry?”
“The squad,” Jade says weakly. “There are two spots open now, and the girls on Kacey’s backup list, well…they kind of died in the...shooting…so…”
What the hell are they suggesting?
I shake my head a little, trying to understand. “I—Are you—”Nope. Still not making any sense.“Areyouasking me if I’ll rejoin the Sirens?”
Jade and Laurie trade a wary look. Laurie’s the one who speaks. “I mean, we have all college acceptance letters based on our athletics records. If the squad doesn’t do well this year at the NCC, we can basically kiss our hopes of getting into a decent school goodbye. And you…well, you were never captain material...”
“Gee.Thanks.”
“Nothing personal,” Laurie adds quickly. “We’re not captain material either. But you were a great flyer and you always showed up for everything, made sure you gave it one hundred percent, and that’s what we need right now. Someone reliable who’ll do a good job.”
Jesus Christ, don’t bowl me over with flattery or anything. I’ve never received such a glowing recommendation before.“I don’t think so. I’ve got a lot going on right now. I don’t really have the time. What with guitar lessons, and, um, having to help out at home and all that.” I don’t even really know what excuse I’m giving them, only that I’m totally stunned they’d even ask me. Not long ago, they wouldn’t have acknowledged I was a living, breathing entity. Amazing how quickly things change. With Kacey gone, the head of this particular snake has been cut off, and the body no longer knows what to do with itself.
“Okay, well, if you change your mind…” Jade mumbles. “Also…” She casts her eyes down at her feet, picking nervously at one of her fingernails. “If you remember, could you please tell your boyfriend, um, thank you for…” She trails off, unable to finish.
“We were in the library that day,” Laurie says. Her voice is harsh. A little sharp. I recognize the anger in her tone for what it truly is—the only way she can talk about what happened without falling to pieces. “I saw the look on Leon’s face. He would have shot every single one of us if he’d had the chance. We’d all be dead now if Alex hadn’t tackled him.”
I nod, eyes flitting from one of the girls to the other, unsure how to proceed here. “Okay, well…if you want to thank him, maybe it would be better coming from you,” I suggest.
Jade snatches up her gym shoes, clutching them to her chest. She shakes her head violently from side to side. “I can’t. He’s terrifying.”
She pads away quickly in her socks, ponytail swinging wildly as she heads for the gym.
* * *
I’ve managed to sort through most of what happened with Jade and Laurie by the time I’ve showered and gotten dressed after volleyball. It was the shock of another student addressing me on purpose that did it. It’s been forever since I’ve spoken to any of my classmates in a normal, everyday way, that I couldn’t stop wondering when the hammer was going to drop. When they were going to laugh in my face. When they were going to start whispering behind their hands, giving me vicious sidelong looks caustic enough to strip paint.
The moment never arrived, though, and all through gym class, all I could think to myself was, ‘You cannotrejoin the Sirens. You cannotrejoin the Sirens. You cannotrejoin the Sirens.’
Trouble is, I’ve missed it. I’ve missed being on the squad more than anything else I lost during my great downfall. The Billy Joel-loving, Chuck Taylor-wearing, guitar-playing, badass version of me is kicking against the very idea that I might want to become a cheerleader again. It’s telling me that I’m better than that, and only vapid monsters place any stock in a cheerleader’s uniform. Another large part of me (that doesn’t listen to Billy Joel) knows that isn’t the case, though. There are plenty of girls on the cheer squad who aren’t brainless, vain dimwits who just want to flirt with boys. Some of the girls on the squad joined because they are actual athletes, and they love taking part in such a fun sport. I always envied those girls. I was never allowed to say it, of course, but they were the true stars of show.
I take my time brushing my hair, waiting for the hallways to clear before I leave the locker room. I have a free period next and a date with some text books in the library since Alex has History, so there’s no need to brave the rush of people all trying to make it to their next class on time.
You cannotrejoin the Sirens. You cannotrejoin the Sirens. You cannotrejoin the Sirens.
I’m repeating the mantra on repeat when I do finally make my exit. My phone buzzes in my back pocket, and I’m reaching to take it out when I see the door to the boy’s locker room swing open and someone emerges.
