Page 52 of Revenge At Raleigh High
Jason Press, Aged 5 ½.
In the windows at Henry’s, a little girl called Wendy Michaels has been honored six times, her small, delicate little snowflakes arranged in a circle right in the middle of the window.
Alex takes in the winter magic of the high street, the sides of his Stan Smiths caked with the fresh snow that fell earlier this evening, and I find myself staring at him once again. His hands are driven deep into the pockets of his leather jacket. Every time he takes a breath, a billow of fog clouds the air, quickly rising up through the starry trees and disappearing into the night sky. The small bursts of golden light, like little fireflies, reflect in the darkness of his sharp, alert eyes and in the waves of his almost black, swept back hair.
He looks around, studying the scene laid out before him, like he was just kidnapped by aliens and unceremoniously dropped onto the surface of another strange, unfamiliar planet.
It startles me sometimes—how madly, desperately I am in love with this person. The knowledge, the sheer depth and beauty of that love, makes me smile to myself, basking in the warmth that’s kindled in the hollow of my chest because of it. “You lived in Raleigh last winter, didn’t you?” I ask. “Why didn’t you come down here to see the lights then?” This is obviously the first time he’s seeing them.
His mouth works, lifting up at one side. “I rode through a couple of times on the bike. There was less snow last year. I didn’t stop, though.” Watching the people of our little town wandering up and down the street in front of us, arm-in-arm, bundled up in scarves, hats and gloves, their cheeks reddened by the cold, he looks like he’s trying to understand what’s going on around him but none of it quite makes sense. I suddenly realize what’s going on in his head. He still feels soapartfrom all of this. He still doesn’t think there’s a corner of Raleigh’s High Street where he might fit in.
I loop my arm through his, leaning my head against his shoulder as we make our way past Hardaker’s Grocery Store and the Dillinger’s Pharmacy, nestling into him snugly, showing him that we’re just like any of the other couples out to look at the lights.
We reach the Regency Theater at six-fifteen, a little early to meet Ben, but Alex didn’t want to risk being late. We sit on the wall out front, taking everything in as we wait for Jackie’s silver SUV to pull up.
“Looks like the inside of a snow globe,” Alex muses.
“You’re so far away from the rest of town over in Salton Ash. This must seem really quaint and weird in comparison to the trailer park.”
“It does.” He frowns, lines forming between his brows. He seems lost in his thoughts. So lost that he doesn’t even notice when Jackie’s SUV arrives, rolling up along the curb outside the movie theater.
I’ve met Jackie only once, when she picked up Ben from my house. I didn’t even see her when she dropped Ben off at the hospital to visit Alex after he was shot, which has always seemed weird. I observe her as she gets out of the SUV and opens the rear passenger door for Ben, trying to see what I can figure out about the woman. No makeup whatsoever. Her mousy blonde hair is scraped back into a sloppy ponytail, and the long cardigan sweater she’s wearing that goes down to her knees—seriously not warm enough in this weather—looks like it’s coming apart at the seams. She’s wearing Mom-jeans, and there are Uggs on her feet, a dark tideline rising up to her ankles where they’ve gotten wet. She looks harried and wary as she ushers Ben toward us, wrapping the cardigan sweater tightly around her slightly puffy frame, as if she’s trying to use the cardigan as some sort of shield against us.
She’s left the SUV’s engine running, which says a lot; she isn’t planning on sticking around.
By her side, Ben looks extra handsome in a black jacket with a pressed blue shirt underneath it.
Alex grins when he sees Ben. “Nice jacket, man,” he says, brushing some imaginary lint from his brother’s shoulder. “Looking sharp.”
Ben beams. His brother’s approval clearly means a lot to him. “Thanks. There was this really cool leather one at the store, well, it wasn’t real leather, but it looked just like yours. I would have preferred that one, but Mom said this one would be better.”
Next to me, Alex tenses like he’s just been electrocuted. His eyes whip up, boring into Jackie’s face like twin lasers. He doesn’t need to explain his reaction to me, or to her. She’s already avoiding making eye contact with him as she fusses over Ben’s collar.
“All right, Buster. I’ll be back to get you at nine thirty. I want you out front here, ready and waiting, okay? We’ve got an early morning tomorrow, and it takes an hour to get home, so…”
“I would have picked him up and brought him back,” Alex rumbles.
Jackie sighs. She sighs like she’s dog-tired and sick of Alex’s shit. I instantly hate her. I hate herforhim. “That Camaro’s a piece of junk, Alex. It would have broken down halfway back to Bellingham. I’m not having my boy waiting out on the side of the road when the weather’s like this, while you wait for one of your loser friends to come and give you a—”
Alex’s jaw cracks loudly. “He’snotyour boy.”
Jackie looks everywhere but at Alex. She accidentally makes eye contact withmeand immediately shrinks away from it, disengaging. She fixes her attention on her watch. “All right. Three hours, Ben. I’ll see you soon.” She kisses the top of his head, turns and leaves, getting back in the SUV and then driving off down the high street.
Alex is a perfect storm, masterfully controlled, as he purchases the tickets to the movie. We head inside to buy snacks from the concession stand. Ben goes to the bathroom, and that’s when Alex loses his fucking mind. He doesn’t rage or shout, though. He’s so,soquiet, which is far more worrying.
“She isnothis fucking mother,” he whispers, waiting outside the restrooms. “He isnother fucking son. How dare she tell him to call her that.”
There’s no way for me to comfort him here without drawing attention to the fact that he’s fuming mad. Ben comes out of the restroom, and Alex plasters a broad smile on his face, jostling his brother, rough-housing as we make our way to the correct screen and find our seats inside. It’s impressive, how he can pretend like nothing’s bothering him like that. It’s all for Ben’s benefit. Alex gets so little time with him that he doesn’t want to ruin our evening, but I know how much he’s hurting right now. I can still see it in his eyes, and it fucking kills me.
The movie’s terrible. It’s blood and guts from the moment the opening credits scream across the screen. The violence doesn’t stop until the movie ends on a brutal note, the last man standing finally losing his head as the psycho serial killer of the piece leaps out of the dark and takes a chainsaw to his neck. Ben is delighted. He pretends to chop and saw at the air the whole way out of the movie theater and all the way down the street to the diner. There’s enough time for a milkshake and some fries before Jackie comes back to get Ben, so we sit in a booth and joke around.
Alex teaches Ben how to dip his fries into his chocolate milkshake, and it’s like a lightbulb going on right over the kid’s head. They include me in their little jokes, and Ben asks a lot of questions, but for the most part I just let them do their thing, let them be brothers, and it makes my heart hurt in my chest. Alex shouldn’t have to hand Ben off to Jackie like a loaner sibling he gets to borrow for a couple of hours. He’s going to be a great role model to his brother once he finally gets custody. It’s just such a shame that he has to go through the nightmare of family court first. Things get nasty inside those court rooms.Reallynasty. And now things are even more complicated, because Ben’s suddenly calling Jackie Mom, and she’s whisking him off to Hawaii?Jackie’s smart. Alex might have secured the help of his social worker in order to build his case for when the times comes next year, but Jackie’s laying her own groundwork.
He thinks of me as his mother, Your Honor. I’ve been able to take Ben traveling, to show him the world. I’ve been able to enrich his life and give him experiences he’d never have otherwise, Your Honor. What canAlexdo for Ben? Really? His life is unstable and unpredictable.Iam the safer bet.
I hate that this sort of game is being played. Alex has no choice, though. He either participates or he gives up any hope he has of ever being granted custody. He’s going to have to be just as conniving and manipulative as Jackie if he wants to beat her at her own game. And how does Ben come through the other side of that kind of warfare unscathed?
“I have something for you,” Ben says shyly, reaching into the pocket of his jacket.
