Page 24 of Reckless At Raleigh High
I almost chip my teeth when my father starts to make excuses for his past behavior. I break the skin of my palms, fingernails gouging into my flesh, when he comments on how protective Silver is over me. Hot bile burns at the back of my throat he tries to worm his way into her good graces, asking for her help to get me on side. Pride andreliefwash over me like a winter squall when she basically tells him to go fuck himself.
That’s my girl, Silver. That’s my girl.
The door to the building slams closed behind her when she goes, sealing her inside the light and the warmth of Raleigh High, and a deadly calm settles over me. The anger’s still there, but it isn’t the searing brand it was a moment ago. No, this is a different kind of anger altogether—the kind that cools to tempered steel and runs soul-deep, woven into the very fabric of a man’s being. I shove away from the wall, rounding the corner just as my father begins to walk away.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I growl.
He stops in his tracks, his head whipping in my direction. A calculating smile forms on his lips as he looks me up and down. “Well, well, well. The man himself. Didn’t think I was gonna see you today, son.”
“Bullshit. You know I’m enrolled here.”
He stifles a laugh, tipping his head back to look up at the stark, winter sky. “Yeah, well…you have to be enrolled somewhere. There’s a difference between being on the books and actually showing up, right? And us Morettis, we’re hardly thefurther educationtype, are we?”
He says ‘further education’ like it’s something to be embarrassed about—a dirty, shameful secret that guys like us would ever consider being associated with such a lame concept as learning.
“You don’t know shit, old man. Just because you were happy to remain ignorant the rest of your life, doesn’t mean the rest of us want that. You kept yourself stupid. And to what end? To lookcool? Hate to burst your bubble, Giacomo, but flunking out of high school, not even bothering to get a GED? That’s not cool. That’s the dumbest thing a guy can do.”
He grimaces, his mouth pulling down at the corners. “I got plenty of money, kid. A solid roof over my head. Food in the cupboards—”
“That’s more than you left Mom with.”
He slowly blinks, visibly side-stepping the comment. “What did I need math and science and fucking theater class for, huh? It’s all fucking pointless. You’d do just fine if you turned around and walked out of this place right now. Waste of fucking time if you ask me.”
“No one did ask you, though, did they. No one’s asked you for anything at all. You’re the only one wasting your time. I’ll never forgive you for what you did. You could have hurt me all day long. You could have rejected me and Ben and I would have found a way to make my peace with it. Men like you have been disappointing their kids since the dawn of fucking time. But the way you hurt her? It wasunforgiveable. She was convinced you were gonna come back, y’know. She used to talk to you all the time, like you were standing on the other side of the front door, about to come through it any fucking seco—”
“That’s because she was fuckingcrazy, Alessandro!” The words explode out of his mouth, echoing out across the dell, the deep cavern behind the school repeating them back to him like the report of a gunshot. Rooted to the spot, I stand perfectly still as he rushes toward me, jabbing a finger angrily into my face. “You havenoidea what it was like, boy. She was unstable when we met but it was cute back then. Kinda exciting. You never knew what she was gonna do next. The unpredictability was fun. But when you were born, she…” He shakes his head, disgust carved deep into the planes of his face. “She lost her fucking mind, Alex. And not in a fun way. She tried to stab me, for fuck’s sake. How’s a guy supposed to handle a bitch when she’s fucking certifiable like that?”
“If you refer to my mother asbitchagain, I will personally see to it that you never eat solid food again.” There’s an electrical storm building in my chest, and any second I’ll crack open and unleash it upon him.
Jack holds out his hands in a placating gesture. “Alex. This is exactly why I came to see your girl first. I hoped she’d help you see that I didn’t come here to cause problems. That all I wanted was to build a relationship between us finally, after way too many years—”
I lunge forward, slamming my hands into his chest. “Where were you when they locked me and Benny in that group home, huh?” A current of fury bristles just beneath the surface of my skin. “Where were you when I got kicked out of my first foster home?” I push him again, grinding my teeth together. “Or the second?” He does a good job of standing his ground, but when I push him again, he loses his footing, slipping in the rotten snow. “What about the third home, Jack? Did you know the guy in my third home wouldn’t let me wear underwear? He used to strip me fucking naked and lock me in a dog crate in the garage. He thought it was funny to piss on me through the bars when he came drunk every other night.”
The miserable fucker’s eyes round out, like I’ve just said the most hurtful thing I could possibly think of. “I…I didn’t…know, Alex. I wouldn’t have…”
Fuck him. Fuck him and his fake guilt. “Right. You wouldn’t have done a thing,” I spit. “You didn’t even check on us.”
“Ben?” he whispers. “Did…they hurt him, too?”
Manic laughter bubbles up the back of my throat. Stepping away from him, putting a healthy amount of space between us, I let my head rock back and I unleash it: howling raw, insane laughter up at the sky. “No.No, no, y’know, Ben was actually pretty fucking lucky. How ironic is that? I fought tooth and nail, and I railed against Jackie, but at least she fucking loved him. She never would havehurthim. Not on purpose. He had a stable home, which is more than I can say I ever had. Not that any of it matters now, of course, but BEN IS FUCKING DEAD AND YOU CAN GO TO FUCKING HELL!”
I hurl myself at him, letting it all go; the lightning inside me needs out and won’t be told no a second longer. Jack throws up his hands, shielding his face, but I’m not out to break his nose. A broken nose is painful, but it’s not the end of the world. I home in on a more fragile part of his body: his chest, and his stomach. If I can break a few of his ribs, I might be able to do some more serious damage underneath. Deflate a lung. Stop his heart. I don’t know…justsomething.
I drive my fists into his sides and his chest with as much force as I can muster, blow after blow raining down…and he immediately topples over onto his ass. Not what I was expecting. I wait for him to get up, blowing hard, switching my weight from one foot to the other, ready to fucking end this…but then Jack rolls onto his side in the dirty snow and hacks, wheezing as he tries to sit himself up…and all I see is a pathetic loser in a leather jacket, pretending to be something he’s not. Pretending that he still fucking matters.
“Goddamnit.” I drag my hands through my hair, pulling on it out of frustration. “Just…get the fuck out of here, Jack. I’m sick of looking at your face. For the last time, do us both a solid and leave Raleigh in your rearview, okay? I don’t want you here.”
Huffing, my father gets to his feet, straightening out his t-shirt and his jacket. His face is sheet white, the same color as the bleached-out sky. His bottom lip is busted open, staining his teeth bright crimson. “Would if I could, son,” he pants. “But I’m gonna be here for at least another couple of weeks. I’m staying at the Motel 6…if you change your mind and wanna…talk.”
I watch him hobbling off toward the parking lot, amazed that those few hits I got in didn’t miraculously make me feel better. During the long nights and the endless days when I’ve imagined laying into my old man, I was so fucking sure that they would.
* * *
I haven’t brought a bag with me. No notebooks. No textbooks. No pens. I basically came to Raleigh to observe Silver from a distance, but after what just happened with Jack, my plans have changed dramatically. Jack dropped out of school the moment he could legally get away with it. He took shitty construction jobs, never rising above the lowest paid shit-kicker position, because he was never willing to put the hard yards in. He gave up on everything before he even got started, and that went for my mother, too.
If I bail on school just because Ben’s not here anymore, and I walk away from Silver because things have gotten hard, then how am I really any different than him? Ben would be disappointed in me if I quit on everything now, when I was the one who was always encouraging him to do better, be stronger, to put his head down and focus on his education and the life he was going to build for himself.
When I enter the classroom on the first floor of the English block, Ms. Swift squints at me over the top of her iPad, frowning. She’s a mousy, quirky looking woman, and her bangs are permanently in her eyes. “Mr. Moretti, I don’t believe you’re in this class?”
