Page 43 of Riot Rules
Oh my god, I’m going to have to touch it.
Oh my god, Iwantto touch it.
I did not see that coming. I want him, though. I want him so fucking badly and I cannotwait another second.
He must be thinking the same thing. I jump into his arms at the same time he presses us forward to the bed. There’s no time for foreplay. His hands are on me, rough and firm, and I answer in kind. My body responds to him so perfectly. We fit together so easily. When he positions himself over me, my legs are already parting, making room for him, wrapping around his waist, pulling him forward. He kisses me, groaning when my breasts crush up against his chest.
“Are you on the pill?” he pants.
I nod.
He thrusts, driving his hips up, and I feel him for a split second, the head of his rock-solid cock pressing against my pussy. The next moment he’s inside me, and…oh my god.Oh my fucking god!
The pain is like lightning.
I tense, arms and legs locking, body as stiff as a board. Dash pulls back, a harrowed expression on his face. “No,” he says.
“What?”
“Tell me you did not just let me do that. Tell me you aren’t a fucking virgin.”
Heat rises in my cheeks, though it’s unlikely he sees my deep blush in the darkness. I’m still in pain. He’s frozen solid, still on top of me, still inside me. I can feel myself stretching to accommodate him but it’s a gradual thing, and the burn between my legs brings tears to my eyes. He throbs inside me, involuntarily, I think, and he tries to pull away, but I grab him, locking my legs tighter around his waist. “Well, I’m not now, am I? Not anymore.” I laugh breathlessly, trying to make light of the situation, but Dash isn’t laughing. His face is serious, his forehead furrowed, his brows pinched together.
“You should have said something.” His voice is controlled, but he’s shaking. I can feel his heart hammering away beneath his ribcage again, just like the night of the party, sitting on top of the Charger. “You shouldn’t—Ishouldn’t—” he says, correcting himself, but I cut him off.
“Don’t. Please don’t. Just kiss me, for god’s sake. You’re making it weird.”
“Carrie. This isnothow you’re supposed to lose your fucking virginity!”
“Don’tIget to choose how I lose it?”
“No! Not if you fucking chooseme! Only a mad—”
Enough. I grab him by the back of the head, and I kiss him. He’s wrong. Itisup to me, and Ididchoose him. That’s all there is to it. I’m surprised that he’s so upset about what’s just happened. I would have figured that taking a girl’s virginity would have been a badge of honor for a member of Riot House, but the way Dash is behaving, you’d think I tricked him into a promise of marriage or something.
He resists the kiss at first. His hesitancy fades when I pull myself up off the bed, crushing my breasts up against his chest, winding my fingers into his hair. I want to feel the warmth of him on my skin. I’m drunk on the smell of him. It might still be stinging like a bitch, but I’mrelishingthe feel of him inside me, hard and pulsing despite his horror. Kissing Dash is like drinking from a vial of poison. Each sip I take from him, each brush of my lips, each tentative sweep of my tongue, each savored taste of his mouth dooms me further. The more I take, the more I’ll suffer for it, but there’s nothing to be done about it now. It only took one taste to seal my fate; I might as well drink long and drink deep now.
I moan, the sound a winded plea, and the tensed muscles in Dash’s back relax. He lowers himself down an inch, his mouth slowly working against mine, the pressure of his lips firm and increasingly insistent. Dash’s teeth fasten around my bottom lip, and a bright snap of pain forces my eyes open. He stares down at me, lust and anger warring across his face, and he is both beautiful and terrifying.
“Ishould have gotten to choose, too, Mendoza.” His voice is low, spilling over with conflicting emotion. “That’s a responsibility I wouldn’t have entered into lightly. Not with you.”
Suddenly, I’m so aware of every point where my body meets his. My thighs flush against his sides. My arm brushing his. The palm of one hand on his back, the other at the base of his neck, my fingers in his hair. My breasts against his chest. Our hips locked in alignment, and the hardness of him swelling inside me. And it’s a lot. Holy hell, it’s a lot. I was so desperate to experience this before it was no longer on the table that I didn’t consider what it would actually be like. For him, or for me. And he’s right. He went into this blind, because I kept something really important from him, and…oh, shit. What the hell was Ithinking?
“Fuck. I’m so sorry!” I try to roll out from underneath him, but that’s not possible. Dash is much bigger than me, so much heavier, and he’s resting just enough of his weight on me that I can’t go anywhere.
“Whoa. Slow down.” He props himself on an elbow and lifts his hand to my face. His fingertipsalmostmeet my cheek. He stops, blowing out a frustrated breath, then rocks his head from side to side, like he’s trying to loosen a tight knot of tension in his neck. Oh my god. This is terrible. He’s freaking out. I just unwittingly tricked a guy into taking my V-card, and now he can’t even bring himself totouchme? I attempt another escape, trying to slide sideways out from under him, but—
“Carina. Hey, hey, hey, wait. Goddamnit,stop.” He catches hold of me, his thumb on my chin, his other fingers curled beneath my jaw, guiding my face up so that I have no choice but to look at him. “Am I hurting you?”
I swallow down the lump in my throat. “No.”
“Okay. Then just relax for a second. I didnotexpect this. I’m just figuring out…” He looks up at the wall, frowning.
“How to get the hell out of here without hurting my feelings?” My laughter is weak.
“No.” He looks at me, and the frustration is still there, but there’s also something new, too. Something that looks a lot like concern. “I’m trying to figure out how to make this good for you, Mendoza. Jesus Christ. There’s no do-over on this. You only get one first time, and I’m the worst piece of shit in the world. I don’t wanna fuck it up for you.”
Oh. The dread that has been clenching around my heart eases a little. “You still want me then?”
