Page 116 of Quicksilver
“It's an ancient rite,” Lorreth said. “One very few know how to perform anymore. But Fisher's father had almost died once, and his friend had used it to save him. So, he'd made sure Fisher knew it, too, in case, one day, he was able to use it to save the life of someone who was important to him.”
“But you were a stranger...”
Lorreth’s sharp blue eyes glittered hard as diamonds. He took a sip of his whiskey and set the glass down, regarding it. “Yes. A stranger. And Fisher did it anyway. He bonded a small part of himself to the scrap of life that was clinging on inside me, and that was that. I was still sick as a dog, but death loosened his grip on me. I knew I was going to live, and so did Kingfisher. He told me he was leaving to find the other wolves and that he'd be back in three months. He said I could go as soon as I was feeling better, if that's what I wanted to do, but that there was a place here for me as well, if I preferred the idea of that instead.”
“And you chose to stay here. And to fight.”
Slowly, Lorreth nodded. “I had no family. No one who needed me to be anywhere else. So I figured fuck it. I only have a life because of him, anyway. Might as well work my ass off and do enough good with the time I have left to be worthy of the gift that he’d given me. I stayed at Cahlish. The moment I was on my feet again, I started training. Before that point, I'd never even held a sword, but I gave it everything I had. And Iate. I ate so much fucking food, Cook would scream the moment he saw me strolling into the kitchen. When Fisher came back three months later, he didn't find me at Cahlish. I was waiting for him at the war camp, half a foot taller and twice the weight I'd been when he'd left. Most importantly, I was ready to kill vampires.”
“Wait. You crossed Omnamerrin? Onfoot?”I asked incredulously. Fisher had said only Fae with suicidal tendencies attempted to cross the mountains that stood watch between Irrín and Cahlish.
“I did. Took me nine days, and I nearly got buried by an avalanche, but I made it here in the end.”
“You’re lucky you didn’t die. Wait, what would have happened? If you had died? What would have happened to the piece of his soul Fisher gave you?”
“Good question. If I die first, the piece of Fisher's soul returns to him. He becomes whole again. Everybody has a big party. The end. But ifhedies first, he's condemned to wait here for me to die before he can move on. He’d be trapped here, in a non-corporeal state, unable to touch anything or anyone. Unable to be heard.That'sthe sacrifice he made when he decided to give me the gift of life. It's happened before. The Fae male or female who tore off a piece of their soul dies first, of natural or unnatural causes, and then the recipient lives on in fine health for another two thousand years.
“Take Saoirse, Queen of the Lìssian Fae, for example. Her mother, who was queen before her, saved her life when she was a child. A hundred and eighty years later, her mother is murdered by unknown entities, and Saoirse rises to power. She's young and beautiful. She likes being queen. She surrounds herself with infatuated males who are willing to die to keep her safe, and so she announces that she plans to live forever. She takes tonics and elixirs and is rumored to drink vampire blood to extend her life. Nearly three thousand years have passed since her mother died, and Saoirse doesn't look a day over thirty. Meanwhile, her mother's spirit has been chained to her, forced to witness the world of the living without being able to interact with it. Without being able to move on to her eternal rest...”
Lorreth looked sick to his stomach. I had to admit, I felt a little sick myself, too. The idea that anyone could condemn their own mother to such a lonely, awful existence, as well as the inevitable madness that was sure to set in, was incomprehensible to me.
“Fisher says he's not worried about what happens to him if he dies first,” Lorreth said. “And I'm not worried, either. Truth is, I plan on dying first, anyway. But if the fates guide the stars in a different direction and our better angels claim him first, I won't permit a single breath into my body beyond the last oneKingfisher takes. By my own hand, I'll make sure the piece of soul he loaned to me finds its way back to him. And if the fates consider it just, and I've done enough to earn a place at his side, I'll go quietly and happily with my brother into whatever lies beyond.”
25
BALLARD
Kingfisher barely saida word to me when he took me back to the estate that night. I swayed a little and almost certainly slurred a lot when I told him I wanted to stay in the camp, but he refused to listen. His features had formed a blank mask when he found me in the tavern, drinking with Lorreth. They were still blank when he made sure I was safely transported into his bedroom, and blanker still when he bid me a curt goodnight and left.
The next morning, I woke to a splitting headache and a small fox, licking my face. The sun was high in the sky, and Fisher hadn't come for me. He didn't come at all that day. After eating a greasy breakfast that made me feel much better, I spent the afternoon exploring Cahlish, wandering through the rooms, feeling displaced and useless. I didn't belong here. And while the estate was beautiful, and cozy and felt as though it had been loved at some point, I couldn't see how Kingfisher fit in here, either. The place was built for a family. There were supposed to be children tearing along the halls, and the sound of laughter in the air, but the grand house echoed with a painful silence that filled me with sadness.
I imagined Kingfisher's mother receiving the letter from the king, informing her that she was to report to the Winter Palace with all of her assets in tow, where she would be married to him and was expected to start a whole new life. I imagined her looking at her dark-haired boy and wondering what kind of life he would lead in a court full of vipers beyond the walls of this sanctuary.
I ate dinner in Fisher's bedroom, sitting at his desk, and then when darkness fell, I curled up in his bed and cuddled with Onyx until I passed into a restless sleep.
I became uneasy when Fisher didn't come for me the next morning. I'd missed out on the opportunity to run three trials yesterday, and I didn't want to miss another three. By mid-morning, I was pacing back and forth and so agitated that the fire sprites stopped coming by to see if I needed anything, and even Onyx grumbled at me and slunk off outside to chase squirrels in the snow.
At three in the afternoon, he finally showed his face. There was no sudden crack of a shadow gate appearing in the bedroom, though. There was a perfunctory knock at the door. It being his bedroom, he didn't wait for an invitation to enter. He opened the door and just stood there, looking at me. “You're wearing my shirt,” he said eventually.
“Yeah, well there wasn't anything else to wear,” I answered hotly. “All of the clothes from the room I had with Carrion are gone. Archer showed me to another room down the hall, but that one was full of dresses, and I think we both know how I feel about those.”
Fisher grunted. “It's too big for you,” he noted.
“I had noticed.”
Hewasn't wearing black today. Not all black, anyway. His cloak was the darkest green, as was his shirt. The shadows underneath his eyes were the color of livid bruises, though, andhe seemed paler than usual. He clearly hadn't been sleeping well. And there was a cut on his cheek. It looked fresh, but notthatfresh. From yesterday, probably...
“What happened?” I asked, getting up from the bed.
“Nothing. A pack of feeders were moving along the border about an hour to the north. Ren thought we should go check it out before they sprung any surprises on us or tried to cross further up the river, but it was nothing. We clashed briefly. The feeders turned and fled.”
I didn't know what to do with that. He'd gone out to fight, and I'd been traipsing around his old house, snacking on cake, and drinking cups of tea. And there was a cut on his face. I didn't know what kind of emotion that provoked in me, but I didn't like it much.
“I'm going to see Te Léna,” he said, and the announcement twisted something deep inside me. I was a burning, drowning wreck of a girl, and I didn't even know what to do to save myself.
I smiled faintly. “Oh. Say hi to her for me.” Te Léna lived here somewhere, I knew that much. I hadn't tried to find her since Fisher dropped me off the other night, though. I hadn't wanted the company. Or else, very unfairly, I hadn't wantedhercompany, which was ridiculous, I knew.
“I'll be with her for a couple of hours. When I'm done, I'll be back for you,” he said.
