Page 156 of Quicksilver
He sat there, his bare, inked chest not moving, his black waves tumbling into his face, so perfect, so handsome, and that cursed fucking thing deep down in the basement of my soul ached and saidmine.
“You know why,”he said into my mind.
“No, Fisher. Out loud.”
“All right, fine. Have it your way. At first, I didn't say it because I fucking hated you,” he said. “Hated what you represented.”
My blood was cold as ice in my veins, but I had to hear it. “And what was that?”
“Weakness. Vulnerability.”
“I amnotweak, Fisher! I’m not like those butterflies, pathetic, hatching and dying in the cold—”
“Not you!Me!”He thumped himself in his chest, suddenly furious. “Myweakness!Myvulnerability! I've known for centuries that you were coming. That you were just going to show up one day and change everything. You're the chink in my armor, Saeris. The soft spot where the knife slides in. You are the thing that Malcolm will hurt to hurt me, and I couldn't...couldn't fuckingbearit!”
I bit the end of my tongue until I tasted blood.
“And, yes. I told you once about the Oshellith. Yes, I told you that they hatched and died in a day. But I was being cruel, Saeris. I didn’t tell you about them properly.”
Nothing inside the bedroom changed. Nothing moved, but the air seemed to still. The figures in the paintings on the walls, with their faces slashed to ribbons, seemed to all hold their breath. “What do you mean?” I whispered.
“The Oshellith hatch once in most Fae lifetimes. Up north, in the wastelands, far beyond Ajun Sky, where the dragons used to live. The air’s so cold there that it’ll freeze in your lungs if you breathe it in without a mask. No life exists there for long. But once in a thousand years, the howling winds drop, signaling the coming of the Oshellith. News of that event travels quickly. That’s when the bravest of our kind set out. They go on foot where no horse can go. When they reach the valley where the Oshellith hatch, they find the butterfly’s cocoons and they shield them with their bodies. They give them whatever heat they can, for as long as they can. It can take up to twelve hours for them to break out of those cocoons. But when they do…” Kingfisher swallowed, shaking his head. “It’s the most beautiful thing a person can experience in this lifetime. They glow blue and pink and silver, with an ethereal light. They have music, though no one knows how. A sweet, soft song that’s capable of healing. The Oshellith mate and lay their eggs, but once that’s done, they fill the air, and they dance. Protecting them while they live is considered a sacred rite that many die in order to perform. That’s what Oshellith means in Old Fae, Saeris. Most Sacred.”
He closed his eyes for a moment, his expression pained. His breath came ragged and uneven. “All names hold power in this place. Everyname means something. We have true names that we don’t share with anyone. Not our friends. Not our families. Our mothers are often the only people who actually know it. Andeven a mother might use her child's name to her own advantage in the pursuit of power. This place—it's fucked, okay. And you show up, and you have one fucking name, and everybody knows it. And Icouldn'tsay it because I was scared. Of what it would do to me when I did. It would be like acknowledging you were here after all this time. So I called you Osha instead. But it meant more, Saeris. To me,it meant more.”
He wasn’t being serious. There was no way. “All of this time…” I whispered. “But…you called me that from the very start.”
Kingfisher nodded slowly, eyes shining bright.“Most sacred,”he repeated, whispering the words.
I covered my face, and I gave in. I sobbed. The name he gave me, the name Ihated,was a declaration of what I meant to him even then. For a long, long time, all I could do was cry through this monumental revelation. Eventually, a kind of stillness settled inside me, though. “How did you know? That I was coming? You said that you knew.”
Fisher set his jaw. “I was told. A long time ago. By my mother. She was an oracle. I didn't believe her, but then, when I was taken ttt—” He swallowed hard, his eyes watering. Quickly, he scooted to the edge of the bed, planting his bare feet against the floor. He couldn't breathe.
He couldn’t breathe!
I stepped forward, but his hand shot out, gesturing for me to stay where I was. Screwing his eyes shut, he leaned forward, gripping hold of the edge of the bed until his tattooed knuckles turned white. After way too long, he drew in a shallow breath.
He was all right. He was breathing.
I staggered back, letting out a sob as I hit the chest of drawers behind me and slowly sank to the floor.
“I…have to be careful,” he gasped. “I can't...” Trailing off, he sent me a sidelong look that begged me to understand what hewas telling me. That there were things he couldn't say without suffering dire consequences. That I had to fill in the gaps for myself. “She wrote about you,” he whispered. “My mother. Pages and pages. She knew that she’d die soon, and so she wrote me a book. ‘A mother is always there for her son,’ she told me. ‘It doesn’t matter that he grows and steps into his power. Even the strongest warrior’s heart can break. His soul can still be crushed. Since I won’t be able to comfort you when the challenges before you feel too great, take this book and keep it as a guide. Above all, know this. There will be times when the world seeks to destroy you, Kingfisher. Butyou are stronger than you can ever know. You will not falter. And you will notface it all alone.’”
My anger was a powerful thing, but in the face of this revelation, it wavered. I didn’t know how to feel. This was a lot to take in.
Fisher hung his head, a bitter smile at his mouth. “She said, when I needed you most, you’d come blazing into my life like a meteorite, riding on a wave of chaos that would turn my whole world upside down. That you’d shine so brilliantly that you’d light up hell itself and guide me out of the darkness. She had no idea what your name would be. Just that you’d have dark hair, and a beautiful smile. And that I’d love you with a fierceness despite myself.”
My heart squeezed, my throat burning with emotion. Centuries ago, a mother had looked into her son’s future, seeking comfort, to assure herself that he would live a good life. And she had seen the pain and suffering the fates had in store for her boy, and then she had seenmeand known that he would be okay. The weight of that…
Fuck, I couldn’t breathe.
“She said she felt like she knew you. That you and she were friends, even though a thousand years stood between you. She…shedrewyou.” Fisher’s voice grew tighter as he fought to speak.Balancing on the edge of tears, he forced himself to laugh instead of cry. “And she captured you almost perfectly, too.”
I wasn’t as strong as Fisher. I let my tears fall. “Almost?” I whispered.
Fisher swallowed, looking down at his hands. He looked half-broken when he met my gaze again. “She was wrong, sometimes. About little things. Small details with big consequences.” He pointed to his ear. “In all of her drawings of you, your ears were like mine. You were Fae. And when I saw...” He sucked in a deep breath. Sat up a little straighter. “When I felt Solace calling to me and I stepped into that pool, I saw that you were human, and I knew in an instant how easily this place would destroy you. So I made the decision to leave you there. But I couldn’t leave you, could I?” he continued. “Your stomach was torn wide open. You were dying. I had no choice but to bring you back. So I decided to be awful to you, so you'd fucking hate me and want nothing to do with me.”
“Stellar plan,” I whispered. “Thatreallypanned out.”
