Page 27 of Snowed in with My Pucking Ex
He hums with appreciation after he’s devoured half the bowl of his soup, “Mmhm. I was right. You did a good job.”
I preen a bit at his praise.
This is not an ideal first date,if this were an actual date, but it’s simple, and I can appreciate that fact, too. It might help if I turn on some music or something to break up the silence when we’re not talking. I could’ve added some candles to the table, too; maybe it would’ve made it a little more romantic. I wonder if he’ll kiss me tonight? If not, I may have to sneak at least one in before we fall asleep.
“Hey, Sean? Can I ask you something? It has to do with our past, so if you don’t want me to go there, I won’t.”
“You can ask me anything.” He meets my gaze, watching as I slurp chicken and rice soup from my spoon. I don’t know how he wolfed his down so fast, because mine’s still a bit hot.
I set my utensil down, nerves twisting my belly with what I want to know. “When you broke up with me and moved away, was it because you had met someone else?”
His brows raise, and I can tell my question has caught him completely off guard. He immediately shakes his head, expression serious. “No, of course not. I was crazy about you.”
That’s what I thought too.
Then why did he break up with me?
“I was pretty smitten with you, too,” I admit. Although he should’ve already been aware of where my heart was. I didn’t hide how much I liked him back then, since he was my boyfriend.
He clears his throat, reaching over to rest his hand on top of mine. “I should’ve checked on you after I left and made sure youwere okay…that you knew I didn’t want to upset you. I’m sorry if my breaking it off the way I did and then leaving hurt you. It was the last thing I ever wanted when it came to me and you.”
I take another bite, feeling more confused than ever.
If he didn’t want to hurt me, he was crazy about me, and there wasn’t somebody else, then why did we break up? I was ready to follow him to college or wherever his hockey career led him. I thought he wanted the same thing, but then it all changed one night, and before I knew it, he was gone. I was left behind, quietly nursing my tender heart, and swearing guys off for the foreseeable future. One thing it did motivate me to do was go to a college nearby and graduate. I put myself first and didn’t think twice about another guy until after I graduated. Sure, I dated, but I never let any of them get serious during that time. Sean was always in the back of my mind anyway, so it was hard to let go of him easily.
“Thank you, I appreciate you saying that.” I take my last bite and stand with my bowl. I set it in the sink, filling it with water, and grab the stuff for s'mores. I don’t want to keep picking at an old wound, so I’m going to try and let it go. I don’t want it to taint the rest of the night, especially when there’s a possibility of a future for us.
I bring everything with me, setting the marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate bars on the table near the couch. We can make some later, once these heavy feelings have passed and the soup has had a chance to settle. The living room’s still a bit cool, so the chocolate shouldn’t melt before we want it to.
It’s not long before Sean is doing the same, finishing his second bowl of soup, and coming to sit beside me on the mattress. We’re close enough now that I lay my head against his arm and watch the blaze burn. I stretch my legs out, warming my toes closer to the toasty fire. The room may’ve warmed up a lot more, but the floors are still chilly from the lack of insulation.
He shocks me when he leans in and sweetly kisses the top of my head. Then again, as he places his hand on my thigh and gives it a firm but tender squeeze. My body buzzes all over for him, wishing he would touch me everywhere.
I sit up, shifting a bit to meet his gaze and say, “I wonder how long we’ll be snowed in? If Pop will even make it out tomorrow with the tractor.” The wind is blowing like crazy outside, and with all the snow, it makes me wonder if I’ll get extra lucky and have Sean all to myself for longer than one night.
“I don’t know, are you bored with me already?” He says it jokingly, but I can read the vulnerability in his expression.
I’m used to not having a TV or anything to entertain me except my family here, but Sean probably thinks it’s weird and too quiet. I love it, though; the peace of this place is exactly what I needed after working so many hours and then coming to the farm and worrying over one thing after the other. The cabin has a way of taking away any outside distractions, and with us being snowed in for the time being, there’s nothing I can do but take a mandatory relaxation day and soak in the time I now have off.
“Pretty sure I’m not the one we have to worry about getting bored. You’re used to living an exciting life, probably spend a lot of time out and about in the city.” I don’t have to mention women, because we both know it’s what I’m implying. But if he’s going to be vulnerable, then I will be too.
He reaches for my hand, pulling it onto his lap, and not letting it go. We’re close, basically arm to arm as we use the couch behind us to lean against. He stares at our hands for a moment before his gaze meets mine again. His brow furrows a bit as he claims, “I mean it, Winter. I never wanted to hurt you, and somehow…I know I did. The thought of it makes me feel terrible. You have to believe me when I say that the last thing I wanted was to leave you behind.”
Tears crest, even though I try to fight them down. It’s been years. This shouldn’t still be bothering me like it does. My lip trembles as I finally find the nerve to ask the question I’ve always wondered about. I whisper, “Then why did you?”
Chapter Seventeen
Winter
He glances away, releasing a deep exhale. His free hand moves for his hair, as he runs his fingers through the dark strands. He squeezes the back of his neck briefly before placing his hand back on his lap. His fingers tenderly stroke against mine while he’s quiet for a beat. He eventually admits, “Because I was asked to.”
Now it’s my turn for my brow to screw up with confusion. “What do you mean you were asked to? By whom?” His mom, maybe?
“I promised I’d never say anything, and I’d never want to cause an issue, but we’ve lost so much time together, Winter.” He shakes his head, staring deeply in my eyes, to the point I know he’s serious. He’s telling me the truth even though he’s battling with himself over breaking his word to someone else. This man has a heart of gold, and somehow, I’ve always known as much; it’s probably why I held on for so long. “I’m done losing my chances with you. Your grandfather approached me when we were dating. He knew about our plan to go to the same college.”
I nod because I’d told everyone. I was beyond excited, and the fact that I had Sean by my side, I was on cloud nine, thinking our future together was solid.
“He confided in me that your family was worried you’d put your aspirations on hold for me, that my career would always overshadow anything you’d set your mind to, and you’d sacrifice too much for me.”
