Page 28 of Snowed in with My Pucking Ex
“But that’s what couples do for each other. It would have been my choice, just like it was when I decided to switch schools instead of ending up at the same college as you.”
“No,” he responds in all seriousness. “Not for me. I could never live with myself if I’d overshadowed or taken any of your hopes and dreams away. It would’ve ripped me in two if I’d found out once it was too late. I was torn up over your grandfather askingme to back off so you could ‘forge your own path,’ but I was also glad he’d been straight with me. I wanted you to have your chance, for you to do whatever your heart desired, so you’d be happy.”
The tears that I’d been holding back a moment ago fall freely down my cheeks. Why does this hurt more than it did when he broke up with me all those years ago? Is it because my choice to choose him over everything else was taken away from me? College was great, I’m thankful I got my degree, but I could’ve and would’ve done all of that with Sean by my side as well. I can’t believe that Pop, or the rest of my family, would do this. I understand why they did, because they love me and were looking out for what they believed was my best interest, but Sean could’ve been the love of my life, and that would’ve been taken from me before I ever had the chance to live my true happiness with another person.
With a sniffle, I murmur, “One thing I’ve learned in this life…You can have all the success in the world, accomplish everything you ever dreamed of, have the best of friends, the happiest of childhoods, but you know what? None of it would matter if you had to grow old all alone or without a person you love with every ounce of your soul.”
I take a deep breath and then exhale as my gaze lands on our fingers, still intertwined together. I’m going to follow his lead and stop wasting time, too. He deserves to know what I think and how I feel. I meet his stare, saying, “I may not have known back then if you were the one for me, but it hurts learning the choice and chance of that sort of love with you was taken from me. I wasn’t hopelessly in love with you back then, but I was already falling. A little more time together, and it would’ve happened for me. Believe it or not, Sean Spruce, but you’re an easy man to love.”
He offers me a soft, sad smile. “I would’ve loved you with every beat of my heart. I’m so sorry I wasn’t honest with you about it back then. I was young and a little scared, if I’m being honest. I knew how close you were to your family. I couldn’t say anything, especially when I thought I was doing the best thing I could for you, giving you your freedom to grow into your own pair of wings.” He reaches up, his fingers tenderly wiping away my tears.
I lean in, resting my forehead against his. There’s nothing I can do about the past and all the time we’ve lost, but it doesn’t have to be our future. “You’re a good man. Thank you for being honest with me now.”
He nods and eventually lifts his head to press a kiss on my forehead. I sniffle a bit, allowing my tears to completely dry up while watching the logs burn down in the fireplace. Eventually, he gets up, adding more wood, and I grab our s'mores ingredients. We’ve had fun today, then a little bit of the heavy, so now it’s time to enjoy some sweets and the time we get to spend together without any other distractions.
“I need chocolate,” I announce and hop up. “The time has come; you’re in for a new life experience.”
He does a fist pump of excitement, making me laugh as I head into the kitchen to grab the thin metal sticks from on top of the refrigerator. As I’m reaching, I remember I was going to grab the space heater earlier, but got distracted. With the fireplace blazing, the old-fashioned wood-burning stove going, and the blankets covering everything, it’s managed to keep the worst of the chill away, but I don’t know if it’ll be enough throughout the night. It also helps that I’m still wearing my fleece-lined leggings and sweater, since I was working in the barn earlier and needed to stay warm.
I set the heater up in the hall between the living room, where we’re sleeping, and the bathroom. I definitely don’t want tofreeze my tush off in the middle of the night if I need a bathroom trip. I can’t help myself and sneak glances at Sean as I do, with his striking jawline, five o’clock shadow, and high cheekbones. The man is ridiculously good-looking, and I’m finding it harder and harder to stop myself from staring like a weirdo. I manage to not trip over anything on my way back to the mattress, which is an accomplishment all on its own at this point, with how distracted I seem to be whenever this man is in the vicinity.
I toss the bag of unopened marshmallows at him, and it hits him on the side of the face. His hands scramble to grab it while laughing, since I caught him off guard for once. He immediately tears the plastic open and sticks his hand inside, grabbing one of the white fluffs of goodness to pop into his mouth.
“Oh my God, it’s been so long since I’ve had one of these.” He groans with delight, chewing, and then immediately places another in his mouth.
“That’s cheating. You’re supposed to roast them first,” I say with a grin.
I steal the bag away and load two on my metal stick. He copies me when I hold the open bag in his direction again. He manages to swipe an extra, which he pops in his mouth, and so help me…as he chews, all I can think of is how delicious his kiss would taste right now.
“Your coach is going to put me on blast if he finds out about all the sugar I’m feeding you today. At your next practice or game, you'd better skate like it’s Christmas Eve and you’re Santa Claus.”
He laughs, shaking his head at my comment. “Like Santa, huh?” His eyes sparkle, and I know he wants to say something else about my comment, but he’s holding it back.
“What?”
“Have you been a good little girl this year?”
I snort and roll my eyes, “Please, buddy. There’s nothing little about me, have you seen these thighs?”
I don’t know why I say it, maybe because my guard is down and I’m having a good time. It doesn’t even click what I’ve said until after I’ve already said it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my curves. I’ve had them for my entire adult life, and have made peace that I’ll never be stick thin, but still, I don’t need to make Sean aware that I’m anything but confident. My thighs are a little bigger than I’d like, but that’s a normal way to feel, even for those of us who’ve grown to love our bodies. I’m sure we all have at least one thing we’d like that was a little smaller, trimmer, or even thicker, curvier, longer, etc…
His big palm lands on my thigh, making me still in an instant. Heat fills me all over again with his touch. My cheeks are warm, and hello, it’s not from the fire. One touch from this hockey stud has me zeroing in on where he’s touching me, not able to think past how I want to put my hands on him, too. “I happen to think these thighs are pretty perfect,” he pauses for a beat, then finishes, “For many things that I’d like to do.”
I fan myself, suddenly wishing I was wearing a T-shirt instead of this knit sweater. I swear it’s gotten hotter in here suddenly. “Are you, um, warm? Maybe we didn’t need that heater on yet,” I mumble, more to myself.
Sean's eyes sparkle with amusement, loving how flustered he easily gets me. We’re not so young and innocent anymore. We’re grown, and in this small cabin, all alone with nothing to do but keep each other company…Well, it has many different options running through my mind on how we can spend our time together.
“The temp’s not bad. It’s you, you’re just hot.” He compliments with a shrug.
My mouth pops open right about the same time the scent of burnt marshmallow fills the air. “Oh no!” I quickly scrambleto grab both of our sticks and take them into the kitchen. Thankfully, the burning sugar on fire goes out with my quick jog to the kitchen, and then I’m grabbing a wad of paper towels to scrape the black goo off.
“Everything okay in there?”
“It’s fine. Our marshmallows are burned beyond a crisp, though. We’ll have to toast them again. This time, no distractions.” I order, making him smile even wider. He’s got a set of dimples on him that know exactly how to drive me wild.
“I can’t help it if I’m smitten,” he comments softly.
His admission makes me feel tingly all over. I’m so freaking smitten, too. He has no idea. I offer him his stick and two new fluffy balls of sweet goodness. “Okay, round two.”
