Page 41 of Walk on the Wilde Side
"Nevvie, if there's one thing you are not—it's silly. I'll be there in ten. Where are you now?"
"Locked in my office," I say, continuing to feel silly despite his insistence that I'm not.
"I'm already in the car. Stay in the office. I'll text you when I'm at the shop."
"Thanks, Zander." I hang up and walk to the office door. I take a deep breath and walk out of the office. I'm never like this, but something about the way the man looked at me through the window scared me badly. I stand in my kitchen and listen for noises but hear only the ticking of the clock out front, the hum of the refrigerator and the occasional passing car on the road.
I decide to brave it and walk out to the front of the shop. The man's mean stare is still burned into my memory. Nana always taught us not to judge a person on their appearance, but something about the man looked sinister. I wait a few minutes, and when there's no sound outside, I walk to the window, pull back the edge of the blind and peek out. I can only see half the sidewalk from the side edge of the shade, but I don't see the man.
A few minutes later, the buzz of my phone startles me. I laugh thinking about how Kinsley would get a kick out of seeing me jumping around like a scared rabbit.
I pick up the phone. It's a text from Zander. A gentle knock follows. A rush of relief and a good dose of embarrassment clash inside of me as I hurry to the door to let him in.
"I walked up and down the sidewalk but didn't see anyone other than a woman walking her dog," Zander says.
"I think he's gone. But he was there, I promise. Shit, I'm feeling so ridiculous. Can I make you a sandwich for your troubles, or I've got some cookies leftover from today's lunch." I turn to head back to the kitchen, but Zander takes my hand.
I don't turn back to look at him at first. I'm feeling like such a paranoid coward, and the way he raced over here to check on me only intensifies my embarrassment.
"Nevvie, look at me." His deep voice rumbles around the small shop.
I sigh loudly and face him. His blue gaze catches me off guard, and for a moment, the embarrassment vanishes and something else takes its place, something that settles deep in my chest. I've known this man for so long that I feel like we've been connected by something stronger than friendship. My heart would break if I ever lost him from my life.
I'm not expecting it when his fingers reach up and brush the side of my face. It sweeps the breath from me, but there's more. It's a reaction through my entire body. It's one simple, light touch, but I can feel it everywhere, and, suddenly, my knees are less solid. His blue gaze seems to darken with glassiness, too, as he looks down at me through thick lashes. Am I imagining that his breaths are shorter, faster? Is his physical reaction to touching me as strong as mine is to him touching me?
"Don't ever hesitate to call me, Nev. I don't care what time of day or night it is or how minor the problem is. You and your grandma were always there for me, and I owe you."
His words break the spell. Once again, I'm being silly tonight. The sexual tension I perceived was only coming from one side, my side. A man like Zander needs far more than a nerdy, quiet bookworm like myself. I could never satisfy someone like him, and I blush inwardly for even thinking it. I really need to get home and to bed. I'm having a weird little mental meltdown this evening.
"Oh, right. Well, that was mostly Nana's doing. I didn't have that much part in it."
This time it's Zander wearing the disappointed frown. "Well then, I won't fool myself into thinking that you were part of it. I thought—" He shakes his head. "Nothing. Well, if you're ready, I'll walk you to your car."
It has to be a record for the fastest time two people have hurt each other's feelings. The only difference is my words were untrue. When Zander came to Nana's for help or shelter, I was always there. I wanted to be near him, to make sure he was safe and taken care of. He lived in such a harsh world, and I wanted him to stay in our world where cruelty and pain didn't exist.
"Zander," I say before I leave to get my purse and keys. "I loved it when you were with us. As much as I adored and loved my grandmother, I loved her even more because she cared so much about you. Because we both cared so much about you."
I turn to walk to the office, but once again he takes my hand. He spins me back to him and pulls me into his arms. His mouth covers mine. It's not hard and hungry, even though it seems both of us want it that way. It's gentle, like in the rock cave on the ranch. I feel so much power coming from him. It's as if he's a volcano holding back its lava. His tongue strokes my bottom lip, and burning heat unfurls through my whole body.
The kiss ends, and a heated hush falls around us. Once again, the only sound is the ticking of the damn clock on the wall. I never hear it during the busy part of the day, only in the mornings when I'm alone in the shop and now, standing in Zander's arms. I'm surprised I can hear it over the staccato beating of my heart in my chest.
Zander lowers his arms. "Sorry, I just—fuck it—not sorry. I just wanted to kiss you, Nevvie. But you know what, let's go. This isn't—we aren't—fuck," he says angrily and pulls his gaze from mine.
Seconds after feeling as if I could never be satisfied by anyone but the man kissing me, I'm feeling about as hurt and confused as a girl can feel. "I'll get my keys." My voice crackles out of my throat and sounds like someone crunching up a potato chip bag. I rush away in a tornado of mixed feelings. Why has it always been so damn complicated between us?
I stop in my office, brace my hands on the desk and close my eyes to catch my breath. I can still feel his mouth against mine, his arms circled around me. The heat in my pussy lingers long after the kiss even after the cold shower thrown on all of it by his reaction to his own kiss. It's fucking maddening considering he was the one to pull me into his arms. Just like he did years ago, he's leaving me a complete emotional mess. I hate being an emotional mess.
I take a deep breath and walk out stoically with my head held high as if nothing happened. Zander has a hard time looking at me, which only makes me feel worse about the kiss. Once again, the profound reaction only seems to be coming from one side, mine. Kinsley loves to tell me that the one thing I'm stupid at is men. She's right. It's the one place where my confidence is shit.
"I'm ready, and thanks again for coming. I feel really silly about it all, and I won't bother you again," I say it in a very professional tone, like one I might use with a vendor or banker.
"Nevvie," he says, hesitantly.
"Let's go." I flick off the final lights, leaving only one dim one lit in the kitchen area. It's pitch dark in the shop front.
"Yeah, all right," he says quietly. It seems he's having some major regrets, and that's fine. Maybe it'll keep him from pulling that same move again. Just thinking that shouldn't hurt so bad but it does.
Zander holds up his hand to stop me so he can go out first and check the sidewalk. I feel the blush of embarrassment again. I've learned my lesson on overreacting, and I've certainly learned my lesson on snatching up the phone and calling Zander at the first sign of trouble.
