Page 83 of The Art of Being Merry
Except by the furtive glances he tosses my way, he will. One of us has to stay strong.
I clap my hands. “Bath or shower?”
“Shower,” both boys echo.
“If you start the water, Mama, I’ll make sure Jace gets clean.”
I quirk a brow, wondering what his angle is. “His hair, too?”
“Yep. I got this.” He’s capable of it but usually gives me a hard time if I even imply he should help his brother.
“Jace, you good with that?”
“Okay.” Much as being easygoing will get him far in life, I fear people will take advantage of it.
With that settled, I try one more time to get Dax to leave, but the man outright refuses, wanting to see the progress I’ve made on his sweater. “When you’re done, of course,” he supplies, settling further into the couch. Like he belongs there.
And a strong part of me likes him there.
But no, Mama duty calls.
I turn on the water for the shower, making sure it’s adjusted to the right temperature for Atlas. He’s pickier than Jace.
It’s something I’ve only recently started doing. At Atlas’s insistence. Soon, he’ll be too big to take a shower with his brother, so I’m soaking it up while he’ll tolerate it.
“Call me when you’re done,” I instruct, leaving them to their own devices while I return to the living room.
“If you want me to leave, say the word and I’ll be on my way.”Despite all his protests earlier, Dax’s voice is sincere. If I asked him to, he’d go.
So why can’t I make my mouth form the words and tell him to leave?
“It’s not that I don’t want your company. I don’t trust myself around you.”
It’s not like Keith and I never had sex while the boys were sleeping. Hell, a few times while they were awake. But it seems different, inappropriate to consider having sex with Dax while they’re in the house. They’re older, wiser. I don’t think I’d be truly able to relax, my ear always listening for them. It would completely ruin the mood.
“I almost didn’t come because it’s too hard to be around you and be on my best behavior,” he admits freely. The honesty in his voice infuses itself into me. “Though the alternative, not spending time with you and the boys, isn’t something I want to regard as a possibility.”
“So that leaves us where?” I’m afraid to sit down on the couch, even with cushions separating us. I’d most likely end up in his lap.
“In this weird limbo. Definitely uncharted territory for me.”
“Never been with a single mom?” I laugh, but it’s humorless.
He shakes his head. “Not what I meant.”
I know about his past lifestyle only from what Willa’s told me and the two women in town who made comments, none of which were high praise. Dax hasn’t gone into detail about his dating history. It’s so not my business who he’s slept with. There’s a high probability he got some as recently as the day before we hooked up. Hell, in between our hookups. I’m not here to judge him. We didn’t put parameters on our casual, friends with benefits relationship. Long as he’s keeping me safe, that’s all that matters.
Laughter saturates my brain, reminding me to keep one ear trained on the bathroom in case they need help. Which is why I miss when Dax stands in front of me.
“You make me want things I’ve never wanted in my life.”
His comment is so unexpected, I gasp. “Like what?”
“Dates. Stability. Commitment.”
“Me?” I hedge. He can’t possibly mean what he’s saying.
His finger trails down the edge of my jaw. “You, Clementine. I want impossible things with you. Even though I shouldn’t. I’m not built for more than what I’ve already given. At least I didn’t think so.” His gaze drifts from mine, staring off at something on a far wall. “Because a few months ago, I wouldn’t have said I was capable of feeling what I do for you.”
