Page 15 of Let it Snow
Lucy stared into his eyes, and she must have seen his sadness because soon the joyful expression that had been on her face moments ago slipped away.Her chest fell as she exhaled deeply, the whoosh of air audible in the quiet of the room.“You’re leaving today,” she said sadly.It was a statement and not a question because from the moment his feet stepped foot inside the Inn, they both knew his stay was only temporary.
Max swallowed the lump in his throat.“I am,” he replied, a sad smile on his face.“The roads are clear, and that means the trains will be running.”He reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly with his own, as if doing so could tether the two of them together permanently.“I promised my mother I would get back on the road as soon as I was able.That doesn’t mean I have to stay away forever, though.”
Lucy looked up at him, her face confused and slightly hopeful at the same time.“What do you mean?”
Max smiled at her as he thought about the possibilities before them.“Well, I had been thinking of moving back to England.I’m not sure what form it will take yet or when it will happen, and London would probably be the best place for me to find work, but—” Lucy’s finger on his lips stopped his meandering speech.
Her head was shaking slowly at him, a resigned expression on her face.“Please, don’t make me any promises you can’t keep, Max.You don’t have anything solid planned, and even if you did, plans change all the time.”Her eyes looked watery, but she blinked away the moisture before it could fall over her porcelain skin as she gestured out the window of her bedroom.“Just look at what brought you here.I thought the storm would turn out to be a whole lot of nothing.Instead, it turned out to be something incredibly special, something I will cherish the memory of for as long as I live.”She swallowed, her lip wobbling slightly as she did.“Maybe we should leave it at that.”
Max took in everything she was saying and nodded absently.Could he really just leave their time together as nothing but a fond memory?He knew the answer for him was no, but she was right.He couldn’t promise her anything, not yet.But his priorities were now shifted, and he would figure them out sooner rather than later because he wanted to be able to make promises to her.Big promises with lasting consequences.His heart swelled at the thought of being able to do so, but until he could offer her more than an idea, he had to respect her wishes.
“I won’t make you any promises except this one, my darling.”He cupped her face, smiling when she leaned into his touch.“Our time together will always be more than a memory to me.”
Lucy smiled shakily at him and grasped the back of his neck, pulling him down to her until their foreheads rested together.“It will be more than that to me, too.You’ve given me something I wasn’t sure I would ever have again.The feeling that I’m not all alone in this world.”She looked into his eyes, the brown of her own looking richer than he had ever seen it.“Will you make love to me one last time?”she asked.There was no way he would ever deny her anything, so he did, knowing that as they explored one another’s bodies until they were gasping for breath and coming together again, it wouldn’t be the last time.Far from it.
CHAPTER TEN
Lucy
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It had only been threedays since Max left, but Lucy felt his absence acutely.It was like one of her limbs was missing, and no matter how hard she tried to adapt to the absence of it, she simply couldn’t.Her heart ached with the longing she felt for him.Every spot at the Inn reminded her of Max.The Christmas decorations they had hung together, the kitchen where they had baked together, and, of course, her bedroom where they had a number of hours making love or lying together as they shared ideas about the future, all held memories of the man she loved.
She had even avoided changing her sheets until the last possible moment because they smelled like him, like oranges and nutmeg mixed with other Christmas spices, a smell that she would forever associate with the baker from America.Then there was the fireplace and the rug in front of it that Lucy couldn’t help but blush at any time she passed through the family room.The memories of the first time they made love taunted her at night, causing her to lose sleep she sorely needed if she was going to make it through today.
Christmas Eve had arrived at last, and soon she would be welcoming the whole of Upper MiddleWood into her Inn as well as any other travelers who happened to pass by and wanted to partake in the town’s tradition.It was her family tradition as well, and she was finding the idea of facing it alone didn’t scare her nearly as much as it had a week ago.Beyond his company, his care, and his attention, Max had given her the sense that she could keep the ginger biscuit decorating going for as long as she remained at Blackthorn Inn.He told her she wouldn’t be alone, and while that might have been something she knew in the back of her mind from the beginning, his reminding her of that in his calm, steady voice had brought it to the forefront.
As she baked the biscuits her mother had made and her grandmother before her the day prior, Lucy could feel their presence there with her the whole time, along with that of her grandfather.Max was there too, of course.He had given her the greatest Christmas present she had ever gotten, a sense of love and peacefulness that had eluded her, kept her world dark.Now there was light again, and there was no way he wouldn’t be there with her in thought and in spirit every year from now on.
As Lucy placed bags of royal icing and toppings for the biscuits on different tables that Brent had helped her set up the day before, a heavy sigh escaped her lungs.There was one thing she regretted about her time with Max, and that was her not telling him exactly how she felt.He had given her so much, but she had been unable to give him a vocal expression of her love in return.He was leaving, so she hadn’t seen the point, and while he tried to talk about coming back to England, maybe trying to make things work between them, she couldn’t handle another disappointment this year.She thought it was better to keep their time together as some magical occurrence, much like the one her mother had with her father, but she was wrong.
From the moment she watched Max hop into the back of Brent’s van and head off toward the train station, his eyes holding a hopeful look despite the fact they were most likely seeing each other for the last time, Lucy wished she could’ve run after him and told him how much their time together had meant to her, how much she had wanted that time to never end, and just how very much she loved him.Perhaps she could have called Brent back or chased Max to the train station where she would make some grand declaration on the platform in front of dozens of strangers, but something held her back.
Lucy knew more than anyone life was short, you should leave nothing unsaid to those you adored, yet she had.Maybe she had needed him to say it first, but more than that, she needed to know he was going to stay.Max had healed her heart in ways she hadn’t thought possible, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t still fragile, still capable of being bruised should he not return her feelings or not want to be with her forever.
The way they had made love that last morning indicated he did, but without him voicing it and with no solid plan for them to move forward as a couple, she couldn’t be sure.It had been so much sweeter, so much more emotional than the other times they had slept together.Max had explored her body slowly, his hands lightly caressing her skin as if they were mapping it, memorizing each dip and curve as he went.When she had all but begged him to end his ministrations and come to her, he entered her slowly, staring into her eyes the whole time.
