Page 63 of When He Saved Me
And ithaddeclined. Scans on Sunday had shown no change in her lungs, and in fact, her breathing seemed to be more and more labored. She slept more when I was there, so those times she was awake felt like priceless gifts, and I took advantage of them as much as possible.
It felt like she was slipping away right before my eyes. Each day, hour, moment, she seemed more frail than the last. Gone was the vibrant woman of my youth with an infectious laugh and a smile that drew everyone to her. In her place was someone I barely recognized. Cancer treatments had taken her hair and so much of her weight months ago. The pneumonia was taking the rest, taking every last bit of her vitality until she barely had the energy to open her eyes.
It was unbearable to watch, yet, I couldn’t bring myself to leave her side.
Sunday evening, I walked into my house after spending the day with Mom and couldn’t remember a bit of the drive home. I dropped my keys on the kitchen counter as I passed through and walked into the living room, unsure what I was doing there. I crossed over to the French doors that led to the backyard and stood staring out into the dark.
I hadn’t even realized Finn was home until I felt his arms come around me from behind. He didn’t say a word, simply held me as I continued to stare into the void, not really seeing anything beyond our reflection in the glass of the door. I thought I should cry, or perhaps scream, but I did none of those things. I was numb.
“Did you eat?” Finn asked. I felt the movement of his jaw as he asked his question with his face pressed against the back of my neck.
I shrugged. Had I eaten? I couldn’t remember. It didn’t matter. I wasn’t hungry anyway.
“Baby, you have to eat.” He let go of me only to grab my hand and tug me toward the kitchen. I took a few steps, following behind him, but then stopped, digging my feet into the carpet in protest.
He turned, concern etched into his features, though he didn’t say anything.
“Take me to bed.”
He took a step forward, brushing a stray hair off my cheek. “You need to eat,” he repeated.
I shook my head. “No. I need you.” I turned and pulled him in the other direction toward my bedroom. Really, my temporary bedroom since I’d moved in there when Mom got sick. Had I even shown Finn my real bedroom? The one upstairs that I grew up in with pictures and posters and perfect attendance certificates hanging on the walls? I couldn’t remember.
We crossed the threshold, and I was hit with a wave of contradictory feelings. I wanted to hate this room. It served as a reminder of Mom’s illness. But these walls also bore witness to the love Finn and I had professed for each other, both with our words and our bodies.
I wanted that again. I wanted to feel him. I wanted to feel anything besides this numb desolation.
“Make love to me, Finn. Please,” I said as I took off my shirt.
“Jamie…”
I felt a flash of anger at his hesitation.
“Dammit, Finn. I need this. Make me forget.” I pulled him into me, drawing our hands against my bare chest. “Please.”
He let go of whatever resistance he’d been holding on to, nodding once before stepping back and removing his shirt, followed by his sweats and briefs. I watched, unmoving, as he revealed each new sliver of skin, my cock lengthening at the sight of his body bared in front of me.
He stepped back toward me, reaching for the waistband of my joggers and drawing them down to the floor, where I stepped out of them, kicking them aside. As I stood, he palmed my erection through the fabric of my briefs, eliciting a groan from me.
He turned his face toward me, his lips millimeters away from mine, and said, “Tell me what you need, Jamie. You want it fast? Slow? Top? Bottom? Tell me.”
I closed my eyes. “I don’t know, Finn. Just…I just need to not think. Can you…?”
“Shh,” he whispered against my lips. “I’ve got you.”
Without warning, he shoved me roughly down on the bed. He yanked my briefs down, my cock slapping against my belly, red and aching. He climbed up to straddle me, roughly pressing his pelvis into mine. I hissed at the feel of his dick sliding against mine and thrust my hips up involuntarily in response.
He leaned forward and took my mouth in a bruising kiss as we rutted against each other. Relief rippled through me as I gave myself over to him. This was what I hadn’t even known I wanted. I didn’t want to think, only to feel. My hands reached around to his ass, grabbing a handful and pulling him into me, trying to control the rhythm and pace of our thrusting, but Finn wasn’t having it. He yanked himself out of my hands and off my body.
I was instantly cold, the heat of his body taken from me, and I sat up, trying to reach for him. “No,” he said, his voice firm. “You gave control over to me.” My blood surged, white-hot in my veins at his display of dominance, heating my skin that had been cold only moments before. “Roll over, ass up,” he said, his voice sharp and commanding. I hurried to comply.
The bed shifted, and I heard the sound of the drawer opening next to the bed as he pulled out the lube. We’d dispensed with condoms a couple of weeks ago after our tests came back negative. I heard the telltale click of the lube and pressed my ass up in anticipation.
His hands grasped my hips, pulling me toward him, and anticipating the press of his cockhead or his fingers, I was surprised to feel his hot breath against my hole moments before he licked a stripe up my crack from taint to tailbone. “Fuck,” I ground out, arching my back as sensations rippled through my body. “You liked that, didn’t you?” he asked. “The pretty boy likes it dirty, doesn’t he?”
I couldn’t even form words to respond before he went at me again, this time focusing his attention exclusively on my hole. “Again,” I demanded. “Fuck, do that again!”
His tongue lapped at my entrance, wet and hot against my sensitive skin as he deftly ate my asshole like a fucking four-course meal. I writhed beneath him, tearing the bedding from the mattress and biting the pillow as every point of my being was centered on that one spot on my body. With one hand gripping my ass, the other reached under me to roll my balls between his fingers, and I nearly came on the spot.
