Page 69 of When He Saved Me
I stood on the doorstep for a long moment, pondering what I’d even say to her. Technically, I didn’t need to knock, but I hadn’t really lived here for months, and it seemed weird to just barge in. Eventually, not knowing where else to go, I raised my hand and rapped on the door.
Carmen answered, her thick ebony hair pulled into a messy bun, wearing leggings and an old Royals T-shirt. Her brows immediately rose in concern.
“Finn? What happened?”
Without a word, I walked past her into the apartment and sat on the couch. She followed me, sat beside me, crowded into my space, and pulled me into her arms.
“He kicked me out,” I finally said, hating how the words felt on my tongue. They were bitter and nasty. They fucking hurt.
“Who? Jamie?” Carmen asked, confusion evident in her voice.
“Yeah. He said he needed space.”
“Carmen? Who’s here? Did I hear the d—?” Isa glided into the room, somehow looking graceful, despite being dressed in an oversized T-shirt and an old pair of sweats. “Oh. Hi, Finn,” she said, taking notice of my pathetic self sitting on the couch next to Carmen.
“I didn’t realize Isa was here this weekend,” I said, not wanting to unload my tragedy onto them when they should be enjoying their time with each other. “You don’t need me bringing you down.” I made a move to stand, but Carmen shoved me back down.
“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not going anywhere.”
“What’s going on?” Isa asked, perching on the arm of the couch next to me and taking my hand in hers. Her face showed nothing but concern, and I was struck by how lucky Carmen was to finally have found someone worthy of her. Her previous girlfriends would have been pissed that someone was taking her attention away fromthem, but Isa only showed concern aboutme. I was important to Carmen, so, therefore, I had become important to her. We’d only met a handful of times, and each time had been pleasant, but at this moment, I knew she was the one Carmen had been waiting for. I was happy for her, even though my own life felt like it’d been decimated.
I let out a sigh, then spilled the whole story. Of how Jamie’s behavior had been more and more erratic lately. How he’d snapped at me after my run this morning, his abrupt decision to move rooms, and the ensuing argument about how I hadn’t given him any space.
The words poured out of me in choppy, stilted phrases. Reliving what had happened was brutal and painful, and I wasn’t sure how much of what I was saying made sense, as jumbled up as it was. Hell, it didn’t make much sense to me either.
All I knew was that Jamie had been hurting for a while now, and the poison of not allowing himself to feel and process what had happened had finally been forced to the surface. Had he really meant everything he’d said this morning, or had I merely been the easy target standing in front of him? Was he just transferring his own pain onto me?
I’d take it over and over again if it meant he didn’t have to feel any of it himself.
God, that was unhealthy as fuck, but I loved him. I was helpless to do anything else.
Carmen and Isa listened, mostly without comment, until I finished the whole thing. “What are you going to do?” Isa asked.
“I don’t know. WhatcanI do? He said he needed space. I guess I have to give it to him.” I choked back the tears at the thought of losing him for good. It all felt so hopeless.
“You don’t think you should fight for him?” Carmen asked, ever the romantic. She’d always wanted a hero to swoop in and fight for her.
“Maybe. But not today.” God, Ididwant to fight for him. I wanted to march over there and shake him until he—the Jamie I’d fallen in love with all those months ago—came back to me. “I think he needs time to cool off.”
Carmen, who hadn’t let go of me the entire time, squeezed her arms tight, hugging me to her. “He loves you, Finn. You know that, right? He’s just hurting.”
I pulled away a little so I could look at her. “Yeah, I think I know that. At least, I want to believe it. But it’s taken me a long time to get to a point where I even felt anyone would think I was worth the effort. Hard not to feel like I’m right back to where I started.” I swallowed as my eyes filled with tears. “Only now, I know what I was missing.”
“Oh, sweets. He’ll come around. I’ve seen you two together. No way will he let you go for good.” Her words swept through me, leaving an achy, restless feeling in my soul. Hope was a dangerous thing.
“I want you to be right,” I said, my voice dropping almost to a whisper. “I don’t know what I’ll do without him. He’s my everything.”
CHAPTER34
JAMIE
A coupleof hours after Finn left, I lay on my bed in my old room, staring at the ceiling of my childhood, the cloak of righteous indignation wrapped around me like a blanket. When I closed my eyes, I could still see the look of pain and hurt on his face as he walked out the door.
I pulled that cloak a little higher, choking off any feelings of guilt that threatened to seep in.
It had been nearly a month since Mom had passed, and Finn had been there every single day. His constant presence was a weight on my existence, demanding I continue moving forward when all I really wanted was to be left alone to drown in my grief.
He was worried about you.
