Page 16 of When He Saved Me
I was midway through my second loop when a runner up ahead caught my eye. Dressed in a blue hoodie and black joggers that hugged his ass, my stomach clenched in recognition at the sight of Jamie on the path ahead of me. I stayed a safe distance behind him, though keeping pace, allowing myself a moment to admire the grace and athleticism of his movement.
How would that translate in the bedroom? Was he a top or bottom? I was vers, though I had a feeling being topped by him would be an experience that might break me.
I pulled to a stop, my aching cock making it difficult to run, and stepped off the running path to adjust myself under the cover of a stand of trees. I continued to watch him covertly as he faded into the distance, feeling relieved that I hadn’t been seen. After days of not seeing him, yet thinking about him nonstop, I’d suddenly hoped he wouldn’t notice me.
It was at that moment I realized all the anger and rage was something else entirely.
It was fear.
CHAPTER8
JAMIE
I waseighteen when I realized I was gay.
I was in my senior year of high school, and while I’d enjoyed dating girls and spending time with them, I’d never really pursued anything sexually. I’d kissed the girls I’d dated, of course. I’d even done some clumsy groping. I hadn’t exactly hated any of it, and I even thought it could be nice having that intimacy with someone, but I had never felt the urge to take it any further. I knew guys who’d had sex, but I also knew plenty who hadn’t, and I figured most guys exaggerated their experience, anyway. I wasn’t particularly bothered by my lack of sex drive. I just figured it would happen when I found the right person.
On a Thursday in November, I found myself hanging out with my best friend, Asher. This was fairly common for the two of us—we’d come a long way since that almost-fight in first grade and were fairly inseparable. Most days could find one of us hanging out at the other’s house when we weren’t hanging out with our other friends or at whichever sports practice we were participating in that season.
On this particular Thursday, we had just come off our swim season and weren’t playing any other sports until we started winter conditioning in January in preparation for the track season. Hanging out on the couch playing video games, I could tell something was on Asher’s mind, but I figured he would bring it up when he was ready.
Eventually, he put his controller down and turned his body toward me, though he wouldn’t quite look at me. Following his lead, I set my controller down and turned to face him, waiting until he was ready to tell me whatever was on his mind.
Seeming to steel himself, he took a deep breath and said, “I’m gay.”
My entire world tilted on its axis and then, just as quickly, righted itself again. I suddenly suspected a question had been answered for me that I hadn’t even realized I should have been asking. But this moment wasn’t about me.
“Okay,” I said, waiting for him to continue.
His eyes flashed to mine. “Okay? That’s all you have to say?”
I shrugged. “I mean, yeah. What else should I say?”
“Aren’t you surprised? Or mad? Or, I don’t know…” He looked down at his lap before whispering, “Disgusted?”
I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “Dude, I don’t care who you love or who you’re attracted to. I can’t say I saw it coming, but it doesn’t change anything.”
His glossy eyes met mine. “I was so scared you’d hate me.”
“Man, I’m kind of offended you’d think that of me. I mean, I get this is hard, I guess, but it’s me. When have I ever given you a reason to think I was homophobic?”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. It’s just…I don’t want to lose you.” A tear fell, followed by another, and I did the only thing I could think of in the moment. I pulled him toward me, wrapping my arms around him as he fell apart.
“You could never lose me,” I said at length.
He pulled back, swiping at his eyes. “I know.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“I do know. I just…once I figured out how I felt, who I am, my brain went to every worst-case scenario, and I panicked.”
Asher had always been an overthinker. I suspected it was partly due to the trauma he had endured in his earliest years before he was adopted, but it was also how he was wired. He thought long and hard before making a decision, and he worried endlessly about every angle of a situation. I was sure he had been stewing on this for quite some time.
Feeling like the situation warranted some honesty on my part as well, I took a breath and confessed my own realization. “I think I may have some suspicions about myself as well.”
“What?” His eyebrows raised in confusion.
“Um. I think I might be gay too.”
