Page 23 of When He Saved Me
“That’s Asher. He’s my best friend.”
“Best friend? Looks like more than that here.”
“Yeah, we dated for most of our senior year in high school, but we’ve been friends longer than that. Since first grade, I think.”
He pulled his hand free of mine, putting both hands in his pockets as he stared at the picture, a little crease forming between his eyes. “So you dated in high school but were friends before that, and you still…what? What is he to you now?”
“He’s still my best friend.” I put my hands in my pockets, mirroring his pose. “We broke up when we went off to college. He went to Mizzou and I went to KU, and neither of us wanted to do the long-distance thing—"
“Wait. You go to KU? I guess I assumed you went to UMKC…” His eyebrows drew up in confusion.
“I do now. I transferred at the beginning of the semester so I could move home to help take care of Mom.”
He was quiet for a moment. Most people didn’t know what to say when I mentioned Mom’s cancer. Eventually, he turned back to the photo, returning us to the original line of questioning. “So you said this Asher guy is still your best friend?”
I chuckled at the way he’d said “This Asher guy.” I thought maybe he was a little jealous, and I kind of liked it. “Yeah, it was hard to be apart from him when we first left for school, but we worked at staying friends, and both of us have dated other people since. He’s engaged, actually. Just happened over the weekend.” I paused to gauge his reaction, but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He continued to stare at the picture, his face unreadable. As much as I liked the thought of Finn being jealous, I worried this would be an issue between us. “Is this going to be a problem? My friendship with Asher is important to me.”
Finally, he turned to look at me. “What am I doing here, Jamie?”
“What do you mean?”
“Am I just some guy to replace your old flame? He gets engaged, and you’re feeling a little lonely, so you ask the sad barista to Thanksgiving to fill the void?”
“Is that really what you think?”
He shrugged. “I mean, why else would you invite someone you barely know to your family’s Thanksgiving? People don’t just invite random strangers to family meals.”
“One, I want you here. Just you, for no other reason than that I like you. I told you weeks ago that I want to know you. I still do, now maybe more than ever. There’s no other motive here. I’m not into playing games.
“Two, Asher has been a huge part of my life for almost as long as I can remember. He was there when my dad died, he was my teammate in both swimming and track, and yeah, he was my first love. But we broke up over three years ago, and neither one of us has regrets about that. I’m not holding out some hope we’ll get back together, nor am I resentful that he’s found happiness.” I reached up and placed my hand gently on the side of his face, turning him to look at me so he could see the sincerity in my eyes. “You’re the one I want, only you, okay?”
I held my breath while I waited for his response. I didn’t want to argue over Asher, but he was important to me, and I hoped Finn could understand that. I wanted him to see that they could both fit into my life, just in different ways. His eyes searched mine as if assessing the veracity of my claim, and I refused to look away, returning his gaze with the hope that he could see the truth of my words.
Finally, he tore his eyes away from mine, pulling away from my touch, his voice small as he responded, “I’m not very good at this. I told you I don’t do relationships.” He scratched at the back of his neck. “The thing is, I never have, so I don’t really know how. I don’t know how to trust anyone’s motives. How do I know you won’t hurt me, Jamie?”
My shoulders sagged and I let my breath out in a whoosh as the tension left my body. I suddenly understood that he hadn’t meant any of this as an accusation but as a way to try to make sense of my actions. It was a defense mechanism to protect himself. At its simplest, he was scared, just like George had been all those years ago.
I reached out, tipping his chin up, forcing him to look at me. “You don’t. And I can’t guarantee that I won’t. Because sometimes people hurt each other. But I can promise you that I’ll do my best not to. And you’ll always have honesty from me. I meant it when I said I don’t play games.”
“But why me? No one has ever pursued me even half as relentlessly as you have. It’s weird, and I don’t understand it. I’m not anything special. My life isn’t anything extraordinary. I’m a simple guy living a simple existence. You could have anyone. Why me?”
God, he twisted my feelings into knots. I hated that he thought so little of his own worth. It made me even more determined to break through all those layers and show him how much he had to offer the world.
“I said honesty, right? I don’t know what sparked that initial attraction besides the fact you’re obviously hot. You know that, right?” His cheeks flushed and the corner of his lips turned up in a small smile. “And maybe I’m stubborn and like a challenge, but I don’t know…there was something in the way you poured your soul out on paper that afternoon I came in when you were writing. And in the way you turned me down flat and called me out for being a rich pretty boy. It made me want to know why that bothered you. The more you push me, the more I want to understand why.”
He shook his head but still held that little smile as if he couldn’t understand me but was willing to humor me nonetheless. I hoped that was the case.
“I’m hard to know. My best friend Carmen knows me better than anyone, and she’d tell you I’m a pain in the ass. But…” He took a deep breath as if in resolution. “But I think I don’t want to be alone anymore. I’m scared, and I’ll probably be a dick to you more often than not, but since you seem so damn determined to ‘know me,’ as you put it, then I guess I’m willing to give it a try.”
I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “I’m not proposing marriage, you know…I just want a couple of dates. We can keep it as simple as you need it to be. One step at a time.”
“Yeah, um, I think that would help.”
I smiled broadly. “Can we start with a hug? I’d really fucking like to hug you.”
He returned my smile, though it was a little softer than mine. “Yeah, I think I’d like that.”
I pulled him into me, wrapping my arms around him, enveloping him in my warmth. I wasn’t a huge guy, but I was a little taller and a little broader than him, and he fit perfectly, molded against me. He seemed unsure where to place his head, so I tucked it against my shoulder, leaning mine against his. His arms came around me, and at length, I felt him begin to relax. I don’t know how long we stood like that, heart beating against heart, breathing in the scent of him, but I do know it was the best hug I’d had in a long, long time.
