Page 46 of Wrapped Up In You
To my surprise, Jonathan chimed in. “It’s alright, Suzanne. Dad’s always been oblivious to other people’s feelings.”
Suzanne gasped, and I winced, but before anyone could say anything more, Jon set his fork down with a clack and turned his heated gaze toward Jonathan. “What the hell are you talking about ‘feelings?’ I gave you everything you needed.Feelingsdon’t pay the bills. They don’t pay a mortgage. They don’t pay tuition.”
Lucy dropped his fork, the two of them squaring off with full heads of steam while Mom and I gaped at them, our meals entirely forgotten.
“Sure, you provided me a house, but it never felt like a home. You paid for my schooling, but you offered little support when I needed help with my homework. Clothes, a car, school supplies, sports fees…you never failed to support me financially. You even attended awards ceremonies and baseball games. I’m sure you felt that was enough. And it’s more than some kids get, but, Dad…I needed more.”
There was a lump in my throat and an ache in my heart. Jon hadn’t been a bad father. He’d raised Jonathan by himself, which I was sure had been hard as hell. But every kid needs to know they’re loved, and Jon had forgotten that part. Now, Jonathan was laying it out there, and I wanted so badly to reach out and offer comfort. Hold his hand. An arm around his shoulder. Something to let him know I had his back. But they didn’t know about us, and now didn’t seem like the time to shove it in their faces.
“More? I worked my ass off to provide for you. I rearranged my work schedule to get to your games. Called on neighbors to help with transportation. I was a single parent for most of your life. What more did you want from me?”
“Love, Dad. I needed your love. I appreciate all those things you did for me, and I’m sure it wasn’t easy, but you never told me you loved me. That you were proud of me. That I’d done a good job.” A single tear trailed down Lucy’s face, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I tossed my napkin next to my plate and rose from the table, walking around to stand behind him with my hand on his shoulder. I was so fucking proud of him, but it tore me apart to see him like this. This had to be so hard for him. But here he was, speaking his truth. It had been a long time coming.
“What are you talking about? Of course I love you. I’m your father.” Jon was leaning back in his seat, arms crossed in a defensive posture.
“You never once told me. Not once.” Lucy’s voice shook with emotion. “I’ve spent my entire life trying to gain your approval. To make you proud. And not once did you ever tell me how you felt.” He scoffed. “Unless it was to tell me how I’d disappointed you. You sure as shit had no problem vocalizing that.”
“That’s enough. Enough of the antics. Maybe I was tough on you growing up, but that’s a father’s job. To make sure his son grows up to be a contributing member of society. To keep you in line and on the right path. You didn’t need all that lovey-dovey bullshit. You needed guidance and discipline.”
“Jesus, Dad. Do you hear yourself? It’s not the 1950s, and I’m not a robot. Humans need love. Yoursonneeded…needs love.” He turned to address my mom. “Suzanne, it was a lovely meal, and I do apologize, but I need to leave. I can’t…I just can’t be here right now.”
I stepped back, dropping my hand from his shoulder and giving him space to stand. He turned toward me, our eyes locking for a moment, and I thought he might say something, but he backed away, disconnecting, and walked through the kitchen. My heart was in my stomach as I watched him go, and I startled when I felt my mom come up behind me, resting her hand on my shoulder, just as I’d done with Jonathan.
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
I didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
“You can tell us how it happened later. Right now, I think he needs you.”
“What about…?” I glanced toward Jon, but his seat was empty. I hadn’t even heard him exit.
“Don’t worry about him. I’ll talk to him. He loves Jonathan. Both of you, actually.” I wasn’t really sure what to do with that. I’d always had an impersonal relationship with Jon because I’d been in high school when they’d gotten married. I’d really only lived with him for a couple of years before going off to college. Mom continued, “He’s just never been very good at expressing it.”
I turned and hugged her tight, so grateful to have her as my mom. I’d never doubted her love for me. “Love you, Mom.”
“Love you too, baby. Now go. We’ll talk more later.”
25
JONATHAN
Iswirled the bourbon in my glass, watching the amber liquid wash over the oversized ice cube, coating the inside of the glass before sliding back down to pool at the bottom.
A week ago, almost exactly to the hour, I’d been contemplating a similar glass of bourbon. Amazing what a difference a week could make.
This time, however, I wasn’t drunk when the door burst open and Hayden walked back into my life once again. I hadn’t been in love with him a week ago. Had barely even scratched the surface of him. And here I was, one week later, totally gone for him, and yet…
And yet.
He’d said he was having second thoughts. But he’d also stood behind me in support, in front of our parents, when I’d unleashed thirty-two years of emotional neglect on my dad in one of the hardest conversations of my life. There were so many mixed signals. I had to think there was more to the story. If I’d learned anything this week, it was to stop jumping to conclusions.
I sipped my bourbon as Hayden approached, vowing to hear him out. The fact that he’d come here had to be a good sign, right?
“My mom knows about us.” My eyebrows climbed my forehead as he sunk onto the couch beside me. Those were not the words I’d expected to come out of his mouth. “Right after you left, she asked me if I was in love with you.”
I swallowed hard, my heart climbing up into my throat. “What did you say?”
He turned toward me, running his hand through my beard, then cupping the back of my neck. I fucking loved it when he did that.
