Page 23 of Wrapped Up In You
“You want me to get in the shower with you?”
“The hot water in this place doesn’t last very long. I don’t want to talk to you through this curtain, and I don’t want the water to run cold while I stand here hashing this out.”
I stood and stripped out of the rest of my clothes as quickly as I could with my injured hand. I pulled back the curtain and carefully climbed into the tub. It was a tight space for the two of us, but I didn’t mind. It gave me an excuse to touch him, which I found I suddenly needed desperately, in a way I’d never needed from anyone else.
Hayden pulled me into him, hugging me close, and I closed my eyes, savoring the feel of him wrapped around me. “Why are you hugging me? Aren’t you mad?” I asked against his shoulder.
“Do you want me to let you go?”
“No! Please don’t.” My voice held a needy quality I didn’t think I’d ever felt before. Hayden was bringing out all sorts of new things in me. It was confusing.
I relaxed into him as he squeezed me even tighter.
“Do you know what people say when I run late all the time?”
“No.”
“They say it’s rude. That I’m selfish for keeping other people waiting or that I just want the attention. When, in fact, I feel terrible every single time. And like a failure because, once again, I’ve fucked up.
“Do you know what people say about the fact that I’m a server?” He didn’t wait for my response. “I have no direction. No ambition. I’m too lazy to get a ‘real’ job and use my degree. I’m an ungrateful asshole because my parents paid for my education and I don’t even use it.
“My room is messy, so I’m a slob. My bills are overdue. My car runs out of gas. I lock myself out of my apartment. I leave my laundry in the washer for three days without moving it to the dryer. I’m irresponsible. Forgetful. Lazy. Careless.”
I ran my hands up and down his back as he got more and more agitated. We’d started out with him holding me, but I was pretty sure I was the one holding him now.
“Do you know how many times my father has said all those things to me? How many times he’s accused me of not understanding the consequences of my actions?”
Ah. I was beginning to see where I’d fucked up. I didn’t interrupt, though, wanting to hear Hayden out completely.
“Do you know how frustrating it is to have a messy brain? To be an adult and still feel like you don’t have a handle on your own life, no matter how hard you try? To never be taken seriously because everyone around you assumes you don’t take your own life seriously? I take meds, and they help a little, but it seems like no matter how hard I try, I’m letting someone down or causing someone inconvenience, and everyone else makes assumptions about all the reasons why.”
I pulled back and looked at him, running my thumbs along his cheeks, catching the tears as they fell while the shower continued to run behind him. “That must be very frustrating.”
He choked on a sob. “My brain is broken, Jonathan.” How quickly I’d gotten used to him calling me Lucy. I didn’t like him calling me Jonathan. Jonathan was the guy the rest of the world saw. Lucy was just for him.
“Your brain isn’t broken. It’s brilliant.” I brushed a wet strand of hair back off his forehead. I hated that my words had hurt him so much.Iwas the thoughtless one. “I’m amazed by you. That you can deal with all of that and still be such a light in the world. You have a beautiful spirit.”
“How do you know? You barely know me.”
“You don’t think I never noticed how you always light up the room? Every holiday, you’re surrounded by people hanging on every one of your words. Smiles and laughter abound when you’re around. I was always a little jealous that everyone seemed to adore you, whereas I always got barely more than a polite hello. There’s a light inside you that shines on everyone in your presence.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“What would I have said? ‘I’m jealous that people like you more than me?’” Uncomfortable, I shrugged. “Besides, in some ways, it was a relief. I’m not great at small talk. I know I come off as cold and arrogant. With everyone’s attention on you, I could sit quietly off to the side and stay out of the fray. It was best for everyone that way.”
He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against mine. “We’re quite the pair, aren’t we, Lucy?”
There it was. Lucy. His Lucy. Thank god.
“I think we’re both a little bruised and maybe a little scarred, but I think maybe we can also help each other move past it. I didn’t even know I was carrying half this shit around until this weekend.” I placed a kiss on his forehead and then pulled back to look into his eyes. “I’m sorry I upset you. You have such a sunny disposition. It just seems like you don’t let anything get to you. I shouldn’t have assumed that meant you didn’t have things that worried you. I admire that you’re able to keep such a positive outlook despite the challenges in your life.”
“I just don’t see any reason to mope about things you can’t change. I hate that my brain works the way it does, but I’m not willing to spend the rest of my life resenting something I can’t change. So I do my best to not let it get to me. But that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that my actions have consequences and that I don’t feel terrible when something I do or fail to do causes a problem for someone else. No one is more aware of any of it than me.”
I caressed the side of his cheek. “I know that. I think you’re amazing. And I’m so sorry I hurt you. Forgive me?”
At his nod, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his in a kiss I hoped conveyed the depth of my feelings. Of how sorry I truly was and how much I admired him for his strength. Of how I thought I was starting to fall for him and how fucking terrified I was that this would be over in just a couple of days and that no one else would ever make me feel like this ever again.
The water began to cool, but neither of us moved, lips locked in a kiss for the ages. I ran my hands down Hayden’s back to the globes of his ass and pulled him into me, gasping as our hardening cocks brushed against each other, sending sparks shooting through my groin.
