Page 25 of Something Good
There was a rustling in the dark before the weight of a blanket landed over my lap. Grateful that he’d thought to bring one, I pulled my half up to my chin, and he readjusted it so it covered both of us.
“Carlyle—that guy you met earlier—is my mom’s boyfriend of the moment. He’s talked her into moving us into the city. I got into it with them because I told them we weren’t going.”
“We being you and Jimmy?”
“Yeah. He’s so fucking smart, Will. But you’ve seen his anxiety. He’d have to start a new school in the fall, and I don’tknow what that would do to him. Not that I think this thing with Carlyle will last anyway. I’m not going to let them uproot Jimmy’s whole life only for Mom and Carlyle to break up two months from now, and then we’ve got nothing.”
“What about you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You just said a bunch of stuff about how this affects Jimmy, but what about you?”
“What I want doesn’t matter. If it wasn’t for Jimmy, I’d have been out of here after graduation.” I combed my hand through my messy curls. “I don’t know. We could probably crash with my friend Tony in the city. Jimmy’d still have to go to a new school, but at least he’d be away from that asshole and our shitty excuse for a mother.”
“You matter to me.” The words were soft, a whisper in the darkness, but I heard them as clearly as if he’d shouted them. And even as I wanted to deny them, they burrowed themselves into the cracks and crevices of my heart. I didn’t understand how he could say such a thing to me, how he could say it and mean it.
I’d been a dick to him from the moment we’d crossed paths right on this very rock a month ago. I’d lashed out and pushed him away, and he was still here. I didn’t deserve his kindness. I didn’t.
“Why?” My voice cracked on the question.
“Why did you bring me home last night?” he countered. “You could have dumped my sloppy ass on Jason. He tried to convince you to. But you insisted on being the one to take me.”
I shrugged. “I don’t trust that guy.”
He laughed. “Jason’s a big teddy bear. He wouldn’t hurt a fly, and I’m betting you know it.”
I knew the answer. I knew exactly why I’d insisted on taking him with me last night. Because I knew in my soul that no one would look after him like I would. Yeah, Will was right aboutJason. He was a good dude. But that didn’t matter. I didn’t trust him. I didn’t trust anyone with my golden boy.
I said none of that. Just let the silence hang between us.
There was movement under the blanket and then his fingers found mine, the tips tickling my palm before he laced our fingers together fully. His hand was warm against mine, and as our hands pressed together palm to palm, I felt something inside me shift.
God, I felt like a teenage girl writing poetry in her diary or some shit, but it was like my soul recognized his in some fundamental way. As if the separation of distance and time over the last seven years disintegrated, and we were right back to the eleven-year-old boys we’d once been.
And maybe that’s why I’d pushed him away when he returned. He was my person. He had the potential to be my everything. And what if I allowed that? What if I trusted him with all the bruised and battered pieces of me? Would he take them with him when he left? Because hewouldleave. I had no doubt about that.
Like Jimmy, Will was destined for bigger things. He was college-bound and had an amazing future ahead of him. I was destined to scrape out a living in some shitty job in this shitty town. He’d leave and take those pieces with him, and I’d have nothing left.
So while I clung to his hand like a lifeline, I let the silence stretch between us. I didn’t know what to say. How did you tell someone they were your everything without losing yourself in the process?
Will broke the silence first. “I told Jason about me this morning. That I’m gay.” His grip on my hand tightened as if he were drawing strength from our connection. “He’d already figured it out. Apparently, some of the other guys at the pool have too.” His chuckle was self-deprecating. “I’d built this up inmy mind like coming out was going to be this really big deal, and it was basically a nonevent.”
I was shocked at his admission, though I wasn’t surprised people had figured it out. For as small a town as Astaire was, and despite being in a red state, people here were pretty progressive in their views. Every so often, you encountered a bigoted asshole like Carlyle, but for the most part, people were pretty chill about that sort of thing. Still, his admission was a complete one-eighty from what he’d said last night, and I hadn’t seen this coming at all.
“So why’d you do it? You were freaking out last night when you thought people might figure it out. What changed?”
“It just sort of burst out of me. I think I’m just tired of trying to hide who I am. We’re heading to college in the fall and?—”
“You’reheading to college.”
“You’re not?”
I scoffed. “What about me screams ‘college-bound’ to you?”
“You could totally go to college. You’re smart and?—”
“Besides the fact that college costs money I don’t have, it’s just not for me. Not everyone is like you, golden boy.”
