Page 26 of Something Good
His breath came out in a huff, but he dropped it. “Well, anyway, I just don’t want to spend the rest of my summer living half an existence. Constantly afraid of being found out. I just want it out there, and if people are assholes, then I’ll deal with it, but at least I won’t be hiding.”
A warmth spread through my chest. I was oddly proud of him. I’d never really had a coming out. I’d dated a little here and there and had a couple of short-term boyfriends. I’d never said the L-word. Hadn’t even come close to contemplating those kinds of feelings. Really, the couple of boyfriends I’d had were more about convenience than anything else.
None of them had met my family, though Jimmy knew I was into guys. I hadn’t ever had to tell him though. He just…knew.I had no idea if Mom knew, and honestly, I didn’t really care. But for a kid like Will, my golden boy, it would matter. He had people who cared about him and people he depended on. He had friends and family. He had people who mattered, so what they thought would matter to him.
“Good for you, man. Seriously. That’s awesome.” I squeezed his hand.
“Thanks.” He paused a moment, but I could sense there was something else he wanted to say. Something he was working his way up to. “I, um, miss this. With you.”
“Yeah.” I gulped. “Me too.”
“Do you think we can be friends?” God, he was so fucking earnest. And sweet. Andgood. I didn’t want to tarnish him, but maybe I could use a little good in my life. I didn’t know how I would keep those pieces of myself, but I didn’t think I could say no either.
“Yeah, Will. We can be friends.”
I spentanother thirty minutes with Will at our spot before deciding to head home and deal with the moving situation.
Will offered to give me a ride, but I declined. Unsure of what I’d come home to, I didn’t want him to bear witness until I knew exactly what I was dealing with. The house was dark as I approached, not a single light on, and with Jimmy spending the night at a friend’s, I figured Mom and Carlyle must have left. Good. I didn’t want to deal with them anyway.
I walked into a nearly empty house. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought we’d been robbed. The living room was completely empty, except for an old chair with the fabric almost completely worn through. None of us ever sat in the lumpy oldthing, so I wasn’t surprised they’d left it behind. There were divots in the dingy carpet where the couch and side table had sat, and there was a worn spot in the carpet from years of feet resting there while sitting.
I moved through to the kitchen and noted that several cabinets were hanging open, the shelves left bare. No dishes. No silverware or pots and pans. There was a half-gallon of expired milk in the fridge and the freezer held what I thought was frozen hamburger, but it was so freezer-burned, I couldn’t be sure.
I opened the pantry, which was just as bare as all the rest, except for the trash bin they’d been generous enough to leave overflowing with old food containers and god-knew-what else. It was already starting to smell. So kind of them to leave that for us to deal with. Like, why’d they leave old milk in the fridge but clean everything else out so it could rot in the trash?
I moved through the rest of the house, all in mostly the same barren condition, except the room I shared with Jimmy. Amazingly, they’d left it untouched. Jimmy’s books still sat on his shelf. Our clothes still hung in the closet. My bed was still unmade from this morning.
There wasn’t a note. Mom hadn’t texted. She was just…gone.
I walked through the house, all eight hundred and sixty-five square feet, with a sense of numb detachment. Mom had been little more than a roommate to me for a long time. I supposed there’d probably been some love between us at some point, but that had died a long time ago when she’d chosen booze, drugs, and men over us too many times to count. Still, she’d always come back. This time, I didn’t think that was the case. She’d abandoned us without so much as a goodbye.
I lay on my bed, pulling one of the pillows into my chest. It smelled like Will.
I inhaled his scent, remembering what it felt like to hold him this morning. He’d thought I was asleep when he’d first gottenout of bed, but I wasn’t. I’d lain awake for hours before dawn, wondering what it’d be like if circumstances were different. If I’d been born to a different sort of life. If he’d never left Astaire. Would we be together?
None of it mattered. I couldn’t change history. I couldn’t change my own origin story. Or his. And I had too many things going on in my life right now to be worried about something that would likely end in disaster anyway.
But for a moment, I allowed myself the freedom to imagine it. To imagine what it would be like to be loved by Will Hartley.
Turns out, it wasn’t being yelled at by Carlyle, the threat of losing my home, or even being abandoned by my own mother that broke me.
It was the knowledge that Will would never be mine.
12
WILL
The air hungheavy and thick as I stepped into the trees after my lifeguarding shift on Thursday. Sweat trickled down my spine as I moved down the path, and I wasn’t sure if it was due to the temperature and humidity or my nerves.
I hadn’t seen Sammy since last week when he’d texted me to come to our spot. I couldn’t forget the sound of his voice, the smallness of it as he clung to my hand in the dark. I’d wanted to pull him into my arms and hold him, to somehow reassure him that everything was okay. I’d settled for the promise of friendship, hoping that could be enough for now.
Since then, we’d texted back and forth a few times, but it’d all been inane bullshit that really didn’t mean anything. When I’d asked about Greasy Hulk, he’d been evasive, changing the subject or simply leaving me on read. I was worried about what he wasn’t telling me, but Sammy was stubborn, and I knew pushing him wouldn’t do any good.
I came around the bend, and when I spotted him standing atop the rock with his back to me, shirt tucked into the waistband of his shorts, back muscles glistening in the dappled light, my pulse sped up, and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling.
He must have heard me coming because he turned, looking down at me with one corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk. “You gonna stand there admiring the view, or are you gonna get your ass up here?”
I flipped him off but did as he suggested, climbing up the backside of the rock until I was standing in front of him. “Hey there, golden boy.”
