Page 42 of Something Good
I opened my mouth to say something, but the words wouldn’t come. She reached across and placed her hand, small and warm, on my knee. “I want to pay it forward. That two hundred dollars was enough to get me started, to give me a little breathing roomuntil I could figure out what to do. I want to do the same for you and Jimmy.”
“This is…this is amazing. But Will told you we’re dating, right?” She nodded. “I flipped out on him last night when he tried to buy me tacos, and now you’re giving me a grand? It’s too much, and it complicates things with me and Will, and I don’t know. It’s a lot to process.”
“Look, I can see why you think this complicates things with you and Will, but this is just between you and me. I’d do this for you whether you were dating my son or not. I just want to help.”
“Can I think about it?” My knee bounced and the need to flee was even more intense than when I’d walked out here this morning. I was overwhelmed and needed space to think.
“Sure, honey.” Her gaze was kind and sympathetic as I popped up to stand.
“I have to go. Will you just tell Will…tell him I’ll be back? And Jimmy? Tell them both that I’ll be back later.”
22
WILL
I watchedthrough the storm door as Sammy practically ran away from the house and turned down the street in the direction of the trail. I itched to follow, but after the argument we had last night, I wasn’t sure I’d be welcome. And if truth be told, I was struggling to process everything I’d overheard. My chest squeezed and a lump settled at the base of my throat as I thought back over what my mom had told him.
Mom flicked a glance in my direction as I stepped onto the porch, but her lack of surprise told me she’d probably known I was listening.
I settled into the seat Sammy had just vacated, and we both stared across the yard in silence. Temperatures were cooler this morning after last night’s storm, and with the sun shining and birds chirping, it was a pleasant morning to sit outside enjoying a cup of coffee. Or at least it would be pleasant if I wasn’t in the middle of processing the bombs that had been dropped on me this morning.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” My words were spoken softly, laced with hurt and betrayal. But mostly hurt. It had been my mom and me against the world for the first ten years of my life.Why hadn’t she told me? Why did Sammy get to know pieces of my history before I did?
“Would it have mattered? Would it have changed anything about your life as you know it now?”
I thought about it, turned it over in my mind. Would it have changed anything? Knowing that my mom had struggled as much as she had? That she’d had to take charity from a stranger? That she’d been in foster care? I’d already known my dad had left us. She’d never shared the details, but I hadn’t needed them to know he was a piece of shit. Had I really needed any of those other details too?
“I suppose it wouldn’t have made a difference. But it feels like you hid things from me.”
She snorted a laugh, which had me stiffening defensively. “Of course I hid things from you. There are some things a mother doesn’t need to share with her child. What good would it have done you to know we were on food stamps for the first six years of your life? Or that the rent we paid came at a deeply discounted price? We went without electricity for a week when you were two because I was late paying the bill for the third month in a row. I worked two, sometimes three jobs until you were school-aged, and depended on the generosity of Mrs. McGee and a couple of other single moms who arranged babysitting swaps so we could all afford childcare while we tried to work enough to keep ourselves afloat.
“I never wanted any of that to touch you. I wanted my happy little boy to never feel the effects of any of that. I wanted you safe, healthy, and loved. So, yes, I hid some things from you. And I don’t regret any of it.”
My eyes flooded with tears at the thought of all she’d sacrificed for me. All my memories of my childhood had been happy. Our house had been small, but I only ever remembered it being filled with warmth and happiness. I’d always thought shewas an amazing mom, but now, looking back on it, I realized just how much she’d done to give me a sense of normalcy. How she’d made up for the lack of a father, made sure I’d been able to play sports and do all the normal things a kid did. She was fucking amazing, and I was being a selfish asshole.
“I’m sorry,” I said, looking at her as a tear fell down my cheek.
“Oh, honey.” She softened her tone. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’d do all of it over again in a heartbeat. Having you as my son has been one of the greatest joys of my life.”
“Thank you for everything you did for me.”
“There’s no need to thank me either. I did my best with the cards I was dealt. That’s all any of us can do.”
I nodded, accepting that as I swiped away the tears. I wanted to ask about her time in foster care, but I figured maybe that was a story for another time.
“Do you think Sammy will accept the money?”
“I honestly don’t know. It’s hard to swallow your pride in that situation, but if he feels like he doesn’t have a choice, he might. That’s what ultimately led me to take Mrs. McGee’s offer.” She took a sip of her coffee, then arched a brow. “He’syourboyfriend. What do you think?”
God, that was weird, hearing my mom refer to him—anyone really—as my boyfriend and being so nonchalant about it. “I don’t know. He can be so stubborn sometimes. But the way he fell apart last night—Mom, I’ve never seen him like that. He got upset a little earlier in the summer when his mom first left, but last night, he just…lost it. I didn’t know how to help him.”
“I know it’s hard, honey, but this isn’t something you can fix for him. The best you can do is be there for him. Support him. Be a soft place for him to land when everything else in his life feels so hard.” She paused a moment as if considering her words.“Have you thought about how this is going to work with you and Sammy when you leave in a couple of weeks?”
I swallowed hard. I hated thinking about it. I wanted to try to make it work between us. I wanted to try the long-distance thing. But I knew he didn’t think it would work, that he felt like he’d just be holding me back. A part of me wanted to stay here. To help him get on his feet. There was a community college about thirty minutes away, but they didn’t have my degree program, so I’d still have to transfer to Lincoln at some point or change my degree.
It would also mean giving up scholarships and losing deposits and admission fees. And after learning what my mom had sacrificed for me to get to where I am now, that felt like it would be a slap in her face. I just had to hope I could convince Sammy to give the distance thing a try.
“He doesn’t think it will work. And I don’t know if I can convince him.” Her silence was telling. “I think I love him.” My voice was soft. Vulnerable.
