Page 28 of Something Good
“What do you mean, ‘moved out?’”
“When I got home Sunday night after we talked, the house was empty. They cleared out everything except the stuff in the bedroom Jimmy and I share.” He turned and looked at me. “I have nothing, Will. They didn’t even leave us a loaf of bread.”
The words he’d uttered were tragic, but it was his desolate expression that gutted me. “What are you going to do?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve been wracking my brain for days, and I honestly don’t know. I have that job at Walmart that pays absolute shit, but I don’t have a car, so I’m limited on options. I’m not nineteen for a few more months, so I’m not legally an adult. I don’t even know if I can get guardianship of Jimmy, and I’m too afraid to ask someone because I’m afraid the state would get wind of our situation and take him.” He’d said all of this with a cold impassivity, but at that last point, he finally broke. His eyes filled with tears, the change happening so swiftlythat it took my breath away. “They can’t take him, Will. They can’t take Jimmy. It’ll break him. He won’t survive it.”
I reached for him then, and he came willingly into my arms, sobbing on my shoulder as I held him. His fingers dug into my shoulders, and he clung to me as if I was the only thing anchoring him. I thought he’d probably been holding himself together by sheer force of will for days.
“We’ll figure it out,” I whispered into his curls as his sobs began to subside.
“No, Will. There’s nowe.” He shoved out of my arms, sniffling as he sloshed through the water toward the bank of the creek. Bending, he picked up his clothes and started pulling them on, his movements jerky and agitated. “You don’t fucking get it. There can’t ever be awe.”
“Help me understand, then.”
“No.” He sat in the grass, yanking on his socks.
“No?” I moved toward him, trying to figure out what to say, what to do to calm him down, to get him to see that I was there for him. That I wanted to help him. That he didn’t have to be alone.
He finally looked at me, red-rimmed eyes flashing in anger. “I don’t have to explain anything to you.”
I sank to my knees in front of him, disregarding the dirt and grass sticking to my wet skin, desperate to get him to talk to me. If I let him shut me out, it felt like I might never get him back. Like this time, I’d lose him for good.
“Please, Sammy,” I said softly. “I feel like I just got you back.”
“That’s the problem, golden boy. You’re so damn innocent and pure. The shit I’ve got going on…you shouldn’t be anywhere near it. You’ve got Jason and his preppy friends, bonfire parties and lifeguarding and ice cream at Sherry’s. The picture-perfect summer before you head off to college. Go live that life.” Hetugged on his shoes, not bothering to tie them, and stood. “I’m the last thing you need.”
He turned to go, but I lunged to my feet, shoving in front of him and standing in his path. “You’re wrong. I do need you. Please don’t go.” My voice hitched. “We don’t have to be anything more than friends, but please…don’t push me away.”
“I’m not strong enough, Will. I don’t think I can be just friends. And I don’t think you can either. I want you too damn bad.”
I took a chance, heart racing, and stepped closer, clasping his face in my hand, forcing him to meet my gaze. I held my breath, expecting him to pull away, but he didn’t. A tear fell, and then another, landing on my thumb. “We can’t be together, Will. I’ll ruin you.”
“You won’t.” I pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
“I will.”
“No.” Another kiss. “Let me be something good in your life, Sammy. When everything feels like it’s going to shit, let me be the one good thing.”
I felt the shift in him. The softening of his posture. The opening of his lips beneath mine, and I dove in, capturing his mouth, tongues tangling as need washed over us. He kissed me as if his life depended on it, and I returned with equal fervor, hoping that, somehow, he’d understand what he meant to me.
It was different kissing him this way. When it wasn’t fueled by anger, petty revenge, or some sort of need to gain the upper hand. It was feeling and emotion and vulnerability, washing over us in wave after wave like I was drowning in him.
I didn’t ever want to come up for air.
“Why are you being so good to me? I’ve been nothing but a dick to you since you got back.”
“Because you’re my Sammy.”
And it really was as simple as that. No matter the years and miles between us, he would always be the boy I loved.
He’d always be mine.
13
SAMMY
We layon our backs on the creek bank, letting the late June sun dry our clothes and our bodies. Will’s pinky was linked with mine, the simple connection somehow more intimate than when he’d slept in my bed a week ago.
