Page 30 of Something Good
I walked over and sat next to him on the floor. He scooted over, making a point to leave a couple of inches between us, which I ignored. With my voice as soothing as I could muster, I said, “I was at the creek with Will. I just needed to get out of my head for a while.”
“I told you to leave me a note when you go somewhere. I woke up, and you were just gone. I can’t…I don’t know…” Tears started to fall as he clutched his chest, his breaths coming in short gasps. I straightened his legs out and took his hands, trying to get him to sit up a little more to give his lungs some space to take in air.
“Look at me, Jimmy. Remember the breathing Will taught you?” He nodded frantically, and I began counting, my eyes steady on his as we breathed in and out together. After a bit, the grip he had on my hands began to ease and his breathing seemed to be freer, though the tears still flowed unchecked down his cheeks.
“I’m sorry I didn’t leave a note. I won’t forget again.” He sniffled, swiping at his tear-stained cheeks. “I’m not going anywhere. You hear that, Jimmy? I’m not gonna leave you. Ever. I promise.”
He nodded, and I moved back to sit next to him again. This time, he allowed me to wrap my arm around him and pull him into my side. Eventually, he slid down and put his head in my lap, and I stroked his hair like I’d done when he was little. When he finally crashed, soft snores falling from his lips, I let my own tears fall.
14
WILL
I sipped my Coke,wishing it was a beer, as I watched what must be half the town gathered at the edge of the lake to celebrate the Fourth of July. Most of the property surrounding the lake was for public use, but a small portion was private, with houses and docks lining about a quarter mile of shoreline. My family had been invited to the mayor’s house on account of his relationship with my stepfather. We’d swam in the lake, eaten a potluck-style meal, played cornhole, and shot each other with water guns, and now we were awaiting the start of the fireworks display that would be seen for miles around the community.
Despite being surrounded by people all day, the weight of loneliness sat heavily on my shoulders. I liked being around people, and I’d certainly laughed and joked around with friends, but through it all, my thoughts had been with Sammy.
A hand holding a red cup appeared in front of my nose, and I took it gratefully, noting that my mom was some distance away, talking and laughing with one of the other ladies from the dental office. I took the offering and gave Jason a grateful smile before taking a healthy gulp. “Thanks, man,” I said as he sat on the rock next to me.
We were about twenty yards away from the rest of the revelers. Hoots of laughter carried across the sand on the breeze, but we were unable to hear individual conversations.
“What are you doing sitting out here by yourself?” he asked, sipping his beer.
I shrugged. “I just needed a break.”
“I hear that.” He tapped his cup against mine, then was silent for a moment as we looked out across the water. It was almost completely dark now, but we could see the lights from other houses across the cove and from the boats gliding through the lake, moving into position for prime viewing of the firework display that would begin in about fifteen minutes.
“Where’s your boy tonight?”
I shot him a look. “He’s working. And he’s not my boy.”
He raised his eyebrow. “You want him to be.”
I shrugged noncommittally. “He’s got a lot going on.”
“You said that a couple of weeks ago.”
“Yeah, well, it’s gotten even worse since.” I sipped my beer, debating how much I wanted to tell him. I knew Sammy wouldn’t want me getting into his personal shit, but it’d be awfully nice to talk to someone about how twisted up I was about all of it. I opted for an edited version. “We started talking again that night after I stayed at his house. He’s… I’m not going to get into the details, but he’s going through some shit. He needs a friend.”
“Just a friend?” he prodded.
“Man, what do you want from me?” I knew I was being defensive, but he was poking at me like he was trying to make a point, and I just wanted him to come out with it.
He set his beer aside and turned to look at me, face suddenly serious. “I just want to make sure you’re being honest with yourself. You and I are friends, but this thing with Sammy is…different from that. It’s more. At least it is on your end, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Something in his words tripped me up, realization squeezing around my throat. “Are you jealous? Is that what this is about?”
His face went comically blank, and then he burst out with laughter. “Fuck no. I told you, I’ve never been attracted to anyone. Not even you.”
My cheeks heated with embarrassment at my assumption, and I buried my face in my cup while he attempted to pull himself together. “Jesus. It’s notthatfunny,” I muttered.
He picked up his cup and drained it. “I’m sorry. Objectively, you’re hot, dude. No question. But I just don’t get fired up like that. Not with anyone.” He put his arm around my shoulder and squeezed. “You’re like a brother to me, and like I said, I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I can’t stop it, J. The way I feel about him… It’s like a freight train barreling down the tracks, and I can’t do anything to stop it.” I looked at him, my eyes begging him to understand. “You’re probably right. I’m probably going to get my heart ripped out. But he needs me, and I can’t walk away.”
“Damn, dude. You really are gone for the guy, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, I guess I am.”
