Page 63 of Something Good
“I’d rather not.”
“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath. “If we’re going to do this, I’m having a beer. You want?”
He didn’t wait for my response, walking to the kitchen and leaving me to follow. Recognizing that she was in a kitchen, Goldie immediately sat like a good girl, hoping for a treat. I’d clearly snuck her bits of food too many times while cooking.
He pulled out a couple of bottles of beer, holding one out to me, which I begrudgingly took. He then crossed over to the island, putting some space between us as he took his first sip and eyed me thoughtfully.
“The day after he broke up with you, I went to his house. You’d been shattered when you’d come to my house the nightbefore and had ended up spending the night because you weren’t ready to rehash it with your mom.”
“I remember, J. I was there.”
“Right. Well, anyway, after you left the next morning, I was pissed. I’d had a feeling from the start that he would fuck you up, but you didn’t want to hear it, so all I could do was just try to be there when it came crashing down. Only when it did, you were even more messed up than I thought you’d be. I felt helpless, man.” He looked at me, eyes pleading for understanding. At my nod, he continued, “So I went over there. I don’t know if I wanted to beat the shit out of him or yell at him until I was hoarse, but I had to see him.”
Goldie gave up waiting for scraps and walked over to lay at my feet. I continued to sip my beer, waiting for Jason to continue.
“He was a mess, Will. He answered the door in the same clothes he’d had on the night before. His hair was a disaster and he had circles under his eyes. He looked…broken.”
My heart flipped over with a thud. In all my memories of that night, I only remembered the way he’d shut down. Closed himself off from me. I’d told him I loved him, and he’d gone into his house without a word. He hadn’t even looked back. In all the years since, I’d never imagined he might have felt anything other than regret over being with me in the first place.
I crossed to the island and pulled out a stool to sit. Jason set his empty beer bottle aside and leaned forward with his elbows resting on the countertop. “I asked him why he did it, why he pushed you away when he was so clearly fucked up over it and…” My gut clenched when he hesitated. “He really didn’t tell you any of this?”
“We didn’t get this far. Just tell me.”
“You really should hear it from him.”
“Dammit, J!” Beer foamed out of the mouth of the bottle after I slammed it down on the counter in frustration. “I’ve spent ten years thinking I was something he regretted. I deserve to fucking know.”
“Then ask him.” Jason grabbed a couple of paper towels and wiped up my mess. “I’m not going to tell you what he said to me that day because, honestly, it should come from him.” He held his hand up to stop me before I could interrupt. “And for what it’s worth, I don’t think he handled any of it the way he should have. I was still pissed when I walked out of there that day. But I also felt bad for the guy. The only furniture in his entire house was in his bedroom. Beyond being fucked up about your breakup, he was clearly struggling financially. No one deserves to live that way.”
He tossed the paper towels in the trash. “I didn’t go looking for a job for him, but a couple of days later, when Rafi mentioned his dad was looking to hire someone at his shop, I went over and talked to Julio myself. I explained Sammy’s situation, or at least what little I knew, and Julio handled the rest.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” My voice was a weary whisper. I’d spent nearly a decade wonderingwhy, and the last week had just stirred up more questions than answers. I was tired of not knowing. Of the doubt. Of feeling like a failure. Like I wasn’t enough.
“How would you have taken the news? You’d already left for college by this point. You were still angry and hurting and raw. I didn’t want to rub salt in those wounds.” He altered his tone, becoming sarcastic. “Hey, Will. Heads-up. I got your ex-boyfriend—you know, the one who broke your heart?—I got him a job through a connection with another one of our friends. You’re totally cool with that, right?”
So many times, when I allowed myself to think back to that summer, my memories were focused onthatnight. On that lastbonfire and making love in the moonlight, and then having my heart ripped apart by the boy I’d been in love with. But now, I thought back farther to the way Sammy had struggled to make ends meet and his constant worry that he wouldn’t be able to do right by Jimmy. His empty house, the trips to the food pantry, and the night he’d lost it over a couple of tacos in the middle of a thunderstorm.
His life had fallen apart, and he’d still found a way to make time for me. To make me feel special and loved, even if he’d never said it. Which I think was why I’d taken the breakup so hard. I hadn’t seen it coming. It hadn’t made sense in my mind that he’d made love to me so tenderly one moment only to tell me he regretted me the next.
Jason was right. This was a conversation I needed to have with Sammy. I needed to hear it inhiswords straight fromhismouth. But Jason was also correct in his assertion that I wouldn’t have received it well at the time. So lost in grief over losing him, I wouldn’t have been able to separate Jason’s kindness toward Sammy from his friendship with me. I would have seen it as disloyal and likely would have shut Jason out of my life for good. I would have lost my best friend. A friend who was the type of man who’d seen someone in need and had found a way to help him, even when he was angry with him.
“You’re right. I would have been pissed at you. I was on a self-destructive path, and that would have only further fueled my anger.” I tipped my beer back, finishing the bottle and setting it back on the counter more calmly this time. “I need to process all of this. Tonight has been…a lot.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I really thought it was the right call at the time.”
I let out a weary breath. “It was. And you don’t have to be sorry. We’re cool. But right now, I need to go home. I need to absorb all of this.” As I headed back toward the door, Goldiehopped up to follow, with Jason right behind. At the door, I turned and looked at him. “You’re a good man, J. What you did for Sammy… I guess, I don’t know all the details yet, but I think you changed the course of his life.”
He shook his head. “I just connected him with an opportunity. He’s the one who made something out of it.”
“Maybe. But not everyone would have done something like that. You could have just kicked his ass that day like you wanted to.” I smirked at him, trying to add some levity.
“If it makes you feel any better, I really, really wanted to.”
I laughed but then turned serious. “I’m glad you didn’t.”
36
SAMMY
