Page 10 of Gift of You
She waved me off. “You know what I mean. Didn’t you make the same assumption about your friend Jonathan? He was married to a woman and you just officiated his wedding to aman.” She leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms in smug satisfaction. Unfortunately, she wasn’t wrong. Ihadmade that assumption.
“It’s really a moot point because I’m only here until the second and then I’m heading back to the city.”
“So? You don’t have to marry the guy. And what are you going to do for the next week anyway? Stare at the walls? You’re a raging extrovert. You’ll go nuts if you don’t talk to anyone.”
She had a point there. While I valued time to myself a lot more than I used to, I did have a tendency to go stir crazy if I went too long without human interaction. Still, I was pretty sure Matthew was the opposite. If anything, he’d probably prefer as little interaction as possible.
I was saved from further response by a loud shriek coming from the bundle in Natalie’s arms. It was amazing how much sound such a little body could produce. “Shit, I’m sorry to cut it short, Lou. She’s due for a feeding and a change. Mom, you stay here and talk to Lou. Merry Christmas, big brother!”
“Merry Christmas,” I said as she rose to take care of her daughter. Mom’s eyes trailed them as Natalie exited out of the frame. “It’s okay, Mom. You don’t have to stick around. I know you’re dying to go help.”
Her eyes softened as she returned her gaze back to mine. “She’s got Charlie. I’m pretty sure she only lets me help to humor me.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
“Pssh. Are you sure you’re okay there by yourself?”
“Yeah, Mom. I miss you guys, of course, but I just... I needed to do my own thing this year.”
“Oh, honey. You’ll be celebrating the holidays with a family of your own soon. I really do believe that.”
“I don’t know. I’m forty-two. I’m starting to think that ship has sailed.”
“It’s never too late for love. Don’t give up.”
I flashed a weak smile. “Okay, Mom. I’m gonna let you go. I love you. Merry Christmas.”
“I love you too, honey. Merry Christmas!”
I disconnected the call, plunging the apartment into silence.
I’d never felt so alone.
10
MATTHEW
The feelof hot water coursing over my aching muscles was heaven, and I let out a groan, not unlike the one I’d emitted during my jerk-off session last night. My cock gave a hopeful twitch at the reminder, but I resolutely ignored it. I’d slept better last night than I could remember sleeping for a long time, and yet I’d awoken with a restless energy that I wasn’t sure what to do with. I’d thought sweeping the half inch of new snow off the balcony would help, but I still couldn’t shake that feeling.
I’d gotten off to a gay sex scene last night. There was no denying it had turned me on. I’d tried to convince myself it was the act itself that had gotten me hot and not the fact that it was between two guys, but that explanation rang hollow. Which led me to my next question... Why did it bother me? Was I carrying around some sort of latent, internalized homophobia? I didn’t think so. I thought it was more likely a question of how it could be possible to not know this about myself. I’d never thought about a guy in that way before. Had never thought about another man’s cock. I certainly hadn’t thought about what it would feel like to have one in my mouth.
I’d known Ally was it for me from the first time I’d seen her in my second period science class sophomore year. Once I’d seen her, I hadn’t seen anyone else. If I’d played the field a little more, would I have figured it out? Would I have allowed myself to explore the possibility of being attracted to someone other than a woman? I supposed I’d never know, and I certainly couldn’t regret what Ally and I had shared.
But Jesus, what would Ally think? She’d probably... love it, actually. She’d always been a big believer in the beauty of love in all its forms. She’d probably get a kick out of my predicament and tell me to stop taking myself so seriously. Enjoy the orgasm, no matter what had inspired it.
God, I missed her.
I finished up my shower and dressed in jeans and a flannel, and was just combing my fingers through my hair when a knock sounded at my door. A sigh escaped, my gut telling me who I’d likely find there. And it turned out my gut had been right, as I opened my door to find Louis standing on my doorstep, quite literally wringing his hands. He was wearing a fitted black sweater with the sleeves pushed up over his forearms and fitted jeans that hugged his thighs. He was more muscular than I’d expected. I frowned at the thought. Where had that come from?
“I’m sorry to bother you. I told myself I was going to stop bugging you, but I just got off a call with my family, and while I told myself I wanted to be alone this Christmas, I’m having second thoughts about that.” His words were coming out fast, and I struggled to keep up. “I don’t know what your plans are today, and maybe you have family somewhere, but I saw you sweeping the walkway this morning—thank you for that, by the way—and I thought maybe you might possibly want to have Christmas dinner with me. It’s totally okay if not. You barely know me, and I know I annoy you... You know what? Never mind. This was a terrible idea. I’m sorry I bothered you.”
“You’re apologizing again,” I said as he turned to go.
“What?”
“You’re apologizing again.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
