Page 61 of Switch
Who even could?
Those cards, the mysteriously appearing greeting cards that are still living in the drawer with the takeout menus, flash into my head.It couldn’t be the same person, could it?
Of course it could.You know who did this.
I don’t, though.I don’t know at all.It has all the markers of the sort of twisted mind games Marina’s brother would have played.An old memory floats up about a time that Marina called me, sobbing and furious, because she’d found out her brother had cameras in her bedroom.
He’d posted the videos on a revenge porn site.
Fuck.
The icicles in my body dig deeper, and I’m dimly aware of Bruiser licking happily at his treat, which is good because I don’t have the bandwidth to play with him anymore.Not… No.I can’t even think clearly.
Has someone seen me with PJ?With Marina?Tossing and turning alone at night, enjoying my pain?
“I don’t know what to say.”Because it’s the one thing I know for sure right now.
I wish PJ were here.He always seems to know what I need.
“It’s understandable,” Everett says carefully.“This is some invasive shit.Like I said, I’ll see what I can find out.The good news is your new system is up and running.”
Oh right.Good news, bad news.I almost laugh.
He slides a piece of paper across the kitchen counter.“This has all the information you need.The app to download, how to access the new doorbell camera, and the motion sensor cameras that I put around the outside of the house.I installed contact sensors on the windows, so if anybody opens one, you’ll get an alert.”He clears his throat and scrawls some more information on the paper.“I also took the liberty of installing a couple of my own cameras in your bedroom facing the hall and one over by the TV, in case whoever planted the original ones gets in again somehow.”He nods to the glass of water.
“Thank you.Just tell me what I owe you.”
He nods, writing more on the paper.“Sure.Full disclosure, I have the video feed going to a cloud server I have access to, but I’m putting the information down here so you can reset the password.I won’t be able to look at anything unless you call me and tell me you want me to, at which point you’ll need to give me the password and security PIN.So you know, I will never call you to ask for that information.But if something does come up and you want my help looking into it, let me know.Lotta corruption in the local PD, but I’ve got a contact I trust, as well as the FBI.”
“FBI?”My lips and tongue feel thick.It’s as if I’m stuck in quicksand, and it’s too hard to move.
“Comes in handy more often than you might think.I’ll be in touch.”He packs up his stuff into what appears to be one of those coolers people take food to the beach in, and then he leaves.
I wander the house in stunned silence.Who in God’s name has been watching me?And why?I’m sure I should be upset, angry, violated even, but I can’t seem to feel anything.Everything’s hazy and cold, the way I felt after I got the news about Marina.
I can’t handle this.I don’t want to let the numbness return.It took me months to climb out from under it before.
My hand is shaking as I pull out my phone.I’m making a mistake.I know I am.I can’t help it.
I send the text anyway.
Fallon: Can you please come over?I need you.
I’m stunned when, what seems like only seconds later, there’s a knock on the door.Before I can even process how he got here so quickly, PJ is in my arms.
“Were you following me again?”
He shrugs as he kicks the door shut behind him.“I couldn’t stay away.”There’s a sort of apologetic smile on his face, but then it turns serious.“Hey, what’s wrong?”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.I can’t.I can’t get into this all right now.It’s too real, too fucked up, and I don’t even know where to begin.
“I’m cold,” I tell him instead.Because I am.It’s the month of August, it’s Florida, and I’m fucking frozen.
He doesn’t quite seem to understand, but he approaches me anyway.Chafes his hands up and down my arms.Like always, my body responds.The adrenaline recedes.Maybe he can bring feeling back to me after all.
“What happened?What can I do?”
“I need…” I squeeze my eyes shut, searching.I don’t know what exactly I’m asking for.“I need to not feel the way I feel right now.”
