Page 80 of Switch
I’ve been drowning in the ocean of PJ’s eyes.While he looks into mine.
It hits me as he smiles down at me after that I can see a future with both of us in it.I want to.Part of my brain argues it hasn’t been long enough.We need to get further down the road, at least through the end of the semester, before we decide that sort of thing.
Part of me keeps insisting we should hold back.I need to know him better.I need to be sure.
Part of me doesn’t care.He fits so well.He’s as tender with me as he is rough.He wants to protect me even though I don’t need protecting.
I could keep going.
There’s one thing I can’t let go of, even though it’s terrible timing.
“You never answered me,” I tell him quietly as he’s cleaning me up and helping me dress.“About having kids.”
His eyes go wide.He glances around, probably thinking something like,are we really doing this here?
Yes, we are.For me, the question can’t wait.I’m in deep enough as it is.
He spends an uncomfortable amount of time studying the place where our fingers are now threaded together.Meanwhile, I’m studying his face.
“I’ve never thought much about it.I had a shit childhood, so I’m not convinced I’d be a good dad.”He laughs a little.“I’m still in college.”
Which makes me laugh a little too.He’s right.I’m jumping the gun here.
“Not right now, for sure.If we make it the next semester, or maybe the next year, I’m willing to talk about it.For you.Is that enough?”
I press my lips against his.“For now, Keeper.”
PJ squeezes my fingers.“You know I’ll say yes to almost anything when you call me that.”
I do know.I plan on it.
We make our way around the perimeter of the room, heading for the door.I’m grateful that most of the members are giving us space.I’d rather not tempt things, though.We’re nearly to the exit when Daniel approaches.
“I see you’ve cast off your widow’s weeds.”
I look down at my navy suit, and then at PJ.“I guess I have.”
PJ looks confused.I whisper in his ear that I’ll explain later.
“You two looked good up there,” Daniel says.
“Thank you.”I hope he knows I’m thanking him for so much more than the compliment.Daniel was fairly new to town when Marina passed, which is probably why our friendship was never fraught with the same history as the rest who had been in our circle.Whatever the reason, I’m grateful for his friendship now.
His expression suggests he understands.
Daniel turns to PJ.“I’d like to extend a formal invitation for membership.A thank-you gift from me, for what you’ve done for my friend here.”
My eyes burn a little.PJ may not know what a huge deal that is, but I do.I’ve noticed Daniel likes to give gifts to his friends, but a year’s membership at Shadow would cover a year of tuition at Belle Argo University.Doubly surprising given that he and PJ have only just met.
PJ cuts a glance at me.“It’s a nice offer, but Fallon said all members have to get a background check.I doubt I’d pass.”
Daniel seems to wave him off.“Please.It’s not the sort of background check you might think.Besides, we also run one for guests.”His eyes spark with humor.“I promise, we already know everything.”
“Everything?”I manage.
“Everything,” Daniel repeats.
I think about the night we found out Eric was alive, the night PJ and I both nearly died, and the confessions made quietly under the spray of lukewarm water.Is Daniel suggesting he somehow knows about those things?
