Page 40 of Ordered Home for the Holidays
Nell was caught, in time, in wanting to see him again and knowing he was only one door away. But also in knowing that he had duties and was likely tiring of their association. He’d not come to see her since he’d escorted her to the Westin’s for their ball that night, and that had been two weeks ago.
She didn’t know what she did, and the garden had no answers, since it was just as empty as her heart. She’d been wrong, wrong to allow the feelings in when she should have only been concerned about the city and getting the people the medicine that they needed.
Nell swapped her gown for her dress and her warm coat and left the townhouse under the stars. The night was moonless, and that was good; it would hide her from anyone that might seek her.
And it was nearly Christmas, with only a week and a bit left to go. It was a horrible time for her to be so sad. But sad she was and there was no getting away from it.
Nell crept out the back gate, only to hear a squeal from behind her. She pulled the knife from her belt and spun, striking out with it only to find Nick staring agape at her, having dodged her strike but only barely.
“Nell?” There was something wrong with him, but it was so dark in the alley that she couldn’t tell what it was.
“Your Grace,” she was careful to be as formal as possible. “Would you be so kind as to excuse me? I have an appointment.”
“It’s the middle of the night,” he sounded confused. “Nell, would you—”
“I have to go, Your Grace.” She turned away from him, willing the tears back and down. “The tide waits for no one.”
“Will you let me come and see you later, Nell?”
“I’m certain there’s no reason for that.” She said, raising her head to look at the stars. “I’m certain Papa will rescind his permission should you ask it of him.”
She fled, trying not to look as though she were fleeing. Fled from the reach that he sent after her and the hopeless look in his eyes.
Something had been so off, but she didn’t know what it was, and she didn’t have the time to try to think it through. She had to get to the docks to pick up the medicine and deliver it to the temples before daylight.
She made it home with the rising dawn, back through the gates and to the back door of the house, where she was met by her father and the very last person she expected to see.
“Papa?” She kept her eyes very firmly away from Duke Graves.
“Did you do what you set out to do, Nellie?” He asked, tapping the ribbon on his chest.
“Of course,” she was nearly offended. “Everything has been delivered, and there was nothing that could point to us in the offing.”
“Well done,” her papa reached to press a hand to her cheek. “Now, come and sit and we’ll hash this out between the three of us.”
“What do you mean, Papa?” Nell had never been so confused. “Why is Duke Graves here?”
“He and I had a conversation, Nellie, but the final decision rests with you.” Her papa winked at her, and Nell felt her gut drop into her shoes.
“I’m certain that his Grace can do whatever he pleases.” Nell flicked a look at Nick, who just looked lost, more so than she had ever seen him. And he was completely dressed in black, from his collar to his cravat, and even the studs on his sleeves were the kind of ebony that one only sees in one specific time.
“Your father?” She asked and saw him nod. “I’m so sorry.”
“His heart failed,” Nick said quietly. “Mother has retired from the season to mourn, and I wanted to ask if you would come and visit with her.”
“No one—” Nell stuttered. “I thought only family was welcome in deep mourning?”
“Family and the fiancee’s of the family.” He took a small box from his pocket and gave her a fragile, sincere smile. “It’s why I came to talk to your father.”
“Nick, I don’t know what you’re thinking.” She said, looking from the tiny box to him and back again. “You’re in mourning and—”
“And that doesn’t change my feelings, Nell,” he said softly. “I know I haven’t been here; I was called to the estate to see to father’s burial, but I swear to you, I’ve had this box since well before that.”
She couldn’t be mad at that, couldn’t be hurt that the only reason he’d gone was to see to his family. It didn’t change the way she felt, but she couldn’t let him see that.
“I should have written,” he said, sorrow on his face. “Nell, I swear it, I’ve thought of nothing but this and the funeral for weeks. It was the only thing that kept my head above water. The thought of coming back and asking you to marry me.”
Nell hadn’t ever fainted in her life, not when she’d helped in the temples during the war, holding guts in and limbs in place while the healers worked. She hadn’t ever been a fainting lady, but the world was going strange and distant, and there was a ringing in her ears that was drowning everything else out.
