Page 76 of The Good Part
‘I am me,’ I say, then more lightly, ‘besides, it’s interesting. You’re interesting.’
‘You haven’t been out here in over a year,’ he says.
‘Haven’t I?’
‘Lack of time rather than lack of interest,’ he says quickly.
‘Well, I could listen to you play all day.’ I start to open the door, but now he’s standing behind me, reaching out his hand to cover mine on the doorknob, pushing the door closed, his broad, hot body pressed against mine. My body pulses with longing as he leans in to kiss my neck.
‘I thought you had to work,’ I say, my voice breathy.
‘I thought you did too.’
Then he turns me around and looks right into my eyes and I feel him looking at me.Me. Not whoever I am in the future, or who I might have been before, but who I am in this moment, in this room.
We make love right there against the door, and I know then, whatever plane of the space-time continuum I am living in, right now, there is nowhere else I want to be.
That evening Sam goes out to teach a tai chi class. The kids are in bed, and Faye comes over to have a drink with me.
‘You know he teaches tai chi to residents at the nursing home? Isn’t that the cutest thing,’ I tell Faye. ‘I bet all the little old ladies love him.’
‘Yes, the little old ladies,’ Faye says, with a smirk.
‘Have you heard him compose? He can come up with these arrangements off the top of his head,’ I say, pouring us both a glass of wine. ‘It’s incredible, he’s so talented.’
‘Yes, very talented,’ Faye says, smirking again.
‘He’s so sweet with the kids—’
‘You know what’s happening here, don’t you?’ Faye says, laughing now.
‘What?’
‘You’re falling in love with him.’
‘What?’
‘This is exactly what you were like when you fell in love with him the first time. All I heard for months was, “He’s so talented, he’s so kind, he’s so funny.” You had this permanent Sam-induced grin on your face, it was sickening. But also, kind of cute and adorable.’
‘That’s not what this is,’ I say, shifting back into the sofa, feeling my cheeks burn.
‘It is! You don’t remember that you love him, so you’re falling in love with him all over again.’ Faye sighs. ‘It’s great, I’m jealous. I would love to fall in love with Alex again, that’s the best part.’
‘Maybe you’re right,’ I say. ‘But it’s confusing. He’s often telling me he loves me, but does he loveme, or does he love old me, Future Me, me who remembers?’
‘I wouldn’t overthink it,’ says Faye. ‘He’s always loved you. He loved you before he met you, the promise of you, remember.’
‘The song?’ I ask, and Faye nods. ‘Was I sure from the start, when I met him?’
‘Lucy, you were so sure. That night we met him in the karaoke bar – I remember you saying in the cab home, “I’m going to marry that man.”’
‘I’m sure I was joking, or drunk.’
‘You were, both.’ Faye shrugs. ‘But you’d never said anything like that before. Enjoy it, you deserve to have something good.’
‘Do I though? Sometimes I feel guilty, just being handed all this.’ I wave an arm to indicate the beautiful space we’re sitting in.
‘Lucy, you didn’t get handed anything. Trust me, I was there, I saw how hard you worked.’ She sighs, shaking her head. ‘You took weekend jobs, there were periods where you hardly had time to see any of us. As for Sam, believe me, you put your time in with some frogs before you met your prince.’ She pauses. ‘When you lived in New York, you were in love with this guy Toby who completely broke your heart. I didn’t think you’d ever trust anyone again after that.’
