Page 88 of The Good Part
‘No, you, Lucy.’ And when I turn to look at her, she winks at me. Then she rolls up the top of her paper bag and stows it in a pocket of her waistcoat. ‘So, do you want to go back?’
‘Can I? I don’t know how all this works.’
‘If youreallywant to,’ she says, tapping the machine, ‘then you can go back.’
‘And will everything play out like I’ve seen? Will I meet Sam and have Felix, Chloe and Amy? Will I still get to be a part of this family?’
The old lady presses her fingers together and her face grows serious. ‘Nothing is guaranteed. No one’s path is set in stone.’
‘Would I go back knowing all this, knowing what the future holds?’
‘No, duckie. Knowledge changes the path, even if you don’t want it to. You wouldn’t be able to meet the love of your life, knowing their significance, without it affecting your behaviour.’
‘What about Zoya, Chloe? Can I stop them from dying?’
‘Like I said, nothing is set in stone.’ The old lady turns around and pulls up a stool from behind the till, her forehead creasing in sympathy. ‘But even if you could go back knowing, no one likes to be told they’re going to die, duckie.’
Something inside me crumples, as though I’ve been hollowed out from the inside with an ice-cream scoop. I sink to the floor, my back against the wishing machine. She is right – it would be miserable to know what lay ahead.
‘So, what choice do I have?’ I ask her.
‘You can stay here, your memories will no doubt return in time – the gaps filled in – or you can go back, forget all of this.’
‘But I might not end up here, with the life I’ve got now?’
She holds my gaze, her eyes glistening. ‘Our paths are not predestined.’
Finally, I understand what she’s telling me: stay and remember or go back and forget. If I go back, my life might end up in an entirely different place. It’s likeSophie’s Choice(not that I’ve ever seen it, but people always seem to mention it when there’s an impossible decision to be made). When all this began, I so desperately hoped for the wishing machine to be real, wanted to believe I had skipped forward, because that might mean I could go back. But now, I have fallen in love with the people in this life. I know I could be happy here if I stayed, especially if my memories returned.
‘I’ve been remembering things, from the in-between. What does that mean?’
‘When you choose a path, your brain will catch up. If you’re remembering things, you’re beginning to choose.’
Shifting my body towards the machine, I ask, ‘So, what is this thing? How does it work? Is it you that’s magic?’
The old lady reaches forward and clasps my hands in hers. ‘“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”’
‘Are you Shakespeare?’ I ask with a smile, and her eyes light up in amusement.
She drops my hand and holds out her palm. ‘Are you ready? Do you have a coin?’
‘What, I need to do it now? Don’t I get to say goodbye to people first?’
‘No time like the present. Well, no time like the future.’ She smiles and hands me two coins.
‘Could I come back tomorrow, or maybe next week? Just have a few more days here... I need to say goodbye to Sam, to hug the children...’
‘Lucy, it doesn’t sound like your mind is made up at all.’
‘Oh no, it is, I have to go back. I want my life, I need to see Zoya.’
‘Then you won’t remember this anyway. What good are forgotten goodbyes?’
She’s right. If I’m going, there’s no point in dragging out my departure. Before I can overthink it, I slot the coins into the machine, close my eyes, and wish to go back to my old life, to be twenty-six again, to have all this ahead of me. But when I open my eyes, the lights of the machine are still dull, it sits stubbornly silent.
‘Oh dear,’ she says.
‘What do you mean “oh dear”? Why isn’t it working?’
