Page 103 of Is She Really Going Out with Him?
“Will’s going, I’m staying.”
“Oh, I thought you two…” He gives me a long look, but I shake my head. He pats the arm of his chair. “Drink?”
I nod. “What will you do?” I ask him.
“Retire. My house in Italy needs refurbishing. I’ve been wanting to spend more time out there.”
“That sounds lovely,” I say, then pause, noting his forlorn expression. “You don’t look happy about it.”
“I am heartbroken, darling. I love this place as one might love a spouse, and you are all family to me. But no one can say I didn’t try. If my family blame me, I will be able to look them in the eye. I will grab them by the lapels with both hands and cry, ‘I tried, by God, I tried!’ ”
“You did,” I say, surprised to see Jonathan so animated. He hands me a tumbler of whiskey.
“I shall be sad to leave this spot especially,” he says, turning to me with a sly smile. “My father always told me the upstairs floor was haunted. Some poor soul with unfinished business, roaming the halls. I didn’t think I believed in such things, but of late, I’ll swear I’ve heard some poltergeist haunting the archive, having a rather lovely time by the sound of things.” I must flush scarlet, because he pats me on the hand. “I wouldn’t let that slip away if I were you.”
“Some things are too difficult,” I say, quietly mortified.
“Can you honestly tell me you tried, you tried with everything you had?” He regards me over the lip of his whiskey, then swigs it down. “Don’t let life make you hard, Anna. It’s the soft, gooey middle that makes it all so delightful.”
“I will drink to that,” I say, raising my glass again.
“Though you’d better not have gotten any gooey middle all over my archive magazines.”
“Jonathan, please, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, suppressing a smile. “Maybe you’ll find your gooey middle in Italy?”
“I’m sure I shall. Italian men can’t resist me.”
—
At home, allI want to do is get into my pajamas, hole up with the children, and forget all about Will Havers. It’s done now, he’s going. I was infatuated with him, that is all. It was ridiculous of him to use the L word. I might have liked him a lot, but I don’t believe in instalove. It was only a few weeks; getting over him will be easy compared to getting over a marriage. I just need to focus on the children, on work. I should put more energy into socializing, try to nurture meaningful friendships rather than looking for romantic love.
When Jess gets home from school, she grunts hello and goes straight up to her room. I hear her bedroom door shut and “Believer” by Imagine Dragons start to play. I know something is up with her, more than just Penny, but she’s chosen not to tell me. Then I remember what Lottie said about making time, giving her enough space to unload. So I go upstairs and knock gently on her door, then peer around it.
“Will you come into the garden with me?” I ask.
“Why?” she asks, rolling over on her bed.
“It’s a warm evening, the sky is this amazing pink color, I want you to see it.”
“Mum,” she groans, but I wait, and she sighs, then rolls off her bed.
Outside, the sun is low in the sky, the dying light of the day, red and pink bleeding into dusk—a beautiful, calming scene. It would be even more beautiful if this huge fucking hedge weren’t in the way.
“Isn’t it pretty?” I say to Jess, handing her a cup of milk, then cradling my own mug of tea.
“Yes, very sky-ey,” she says, indulging me, and we grin at each other.
“I’m sorry life is so busy, that we don’t get a lot of time to hang out, just the two of us,” I say tentatively. Jess shrugs. “I want you to be able to talk to me, about anything.”
“Can I get a nose piercing?” she asks hopefully.
“Hmm, no. Ask again when you’re sixteen,” I say, and she sinks down further in the wicker garden chair. “Are you really ready to say good-bye to your Sylvanian Families?” I ask gently.
“I’m not a little kid anymore, Mum.”
“I know, but I thought you loved making those little stop-motion animations.” Jess shrugs again, and I force myself to sit in the silence.Come on, Jess, talk to me.
“They’re lame,” she says, rocking her head back. We sit in silence again, for what feels like an eternity, then finally she says, “Penny found one of my videos online. She wrote mean comments underneath.” Jess tugs at her hair.
