Page 106 of Is She Really Going Out with Him?
“What? Are you okay?” I ask, reaching out to support her arm.
“Fine, she’s just kicked me.”
“I still can’t believe my little sister is going to have a baby.”
“I wanted to ask you something actually,” she says, biting her lip. “How would you feel about being my birthing partner?”
“Me? What about Seb?” I ask.
“He’s squeamish about blood. He can’t cope with seeing people in pain, least of all me. I think he might be more hindrance than help. I’d like it to be you, if that’s not too weird.”
“It’s not too weird, but—” I pause.
“What?”
“You know me, I’m not really an ‘imagine your cervix opening like a lotus’ type of person.”
“No, you’re not,” Lottie laughs. “You’re the kind of person who will advocate loudly for me, who will insist on the most experienced anesthetist there is.” She grins at me. “I want you to do itbecauseyou’re you. I trust you.”
As I pull her into a hug, my eyes start to well up. When she sees my face, she gives me a skeptical look.
“What? Why are you crying?”
“Nothing.” I wipe away the tear. “It’s just, it’s nice to know you still need me.”
“What do you mean? Of course I need you. You’re my sister.”
“I know. It’s just…this is going to sound silly.” I drop my eyes to the floor. “This last year, I worried you’d lost a bit of respect for me, when you realized I didn’t have life all figured out.”
“Lost respect? Anna, I havemorerespect for you. The way you’ve handled everything, always putting the kids first—you’re incredible. I feel closer to you than ever.”
“Really?” I say, surprised to hear her say this. “But we’ve always been close.”
“Sure, but sometimes it felt like you were infallible. Honestly, a little impenetrable. You didn’t even tell me you were having marital problems until Dan had moved out.”
“So, I’m more relatable now that I’m a screwup?” I say with a smile.
“You’re more relatable now that you let me in.”
She pulls me in for another hug and then pinches my bum to make me laugh. When she finally lets me go, I say, “There is something I wanted to getyourhelp with. The living room. I’ve got the rest of the house feeling like mine, but in there, I just don’t know where to start.”
“Yes! I thought you’d never ask,” Lottie yells. “What were you thinking?”
So, I talk her through some of the ideas I had: stripping the carpet out, sanding the floorboards, maybe wallpapering a feature wall. She has plenty of great ideas too and says she’ll bring Seb and a floor sander around next weekend to get started.
Back in the garage, I look around the room at my eclectic bunch of friends. I wouldn’t have gotten to know any of these people if it weren’t for the column. Something good has come out of it, even if it wasn’t love. This is what I have missed, hosting friends, bringing people together, the sound of laughter filling a room. The house no longer feels haunted.
Now that I’m freelance, I won’t be so wedded to an office. I will have time to get out more, to say yes, to try new things. I don’t know which hobbies I will choose in the drop-down box of life, but whatever they are, I’m excited to find out. I’ve already signed up for a weekly sculpture course. I know I want to travel more, to go to galleries, take day trips to London. Who knows, maybe I’ll even try cycling again.
—
On Sunday, Itake a bus to the climbing wall and look down at the ampersand on my arm, the symbol of a new chapter. I had meant to book an appointment to have it removed, but now I’ve decided to keep it. A bit like my divorce, it’s not something I would necessarily have chosen, but now that it’s here, I’ve grown to appreciate it.
Andre meets me at the reception holding climbing shoes and a harness. “Have you done any climbing before?” he asks with a flash of his wide Hollywood smile.
“I haven’t, but I’ll try anything once,” I tell him.
“That’s the spirit,” Andre says, clapping his hands and releasing a cloud of chalk dust.
