Page 13 of Is She Really Going Out with Him?
“Right, sure. No, he did, I forgot,” I bluff, then turn to Ethan and ask, “How do you feel about her living there?”
He shrugs. “She was there most of the time anyway.”
I can’t believe Dan moved someone in without telling me.The thought of him “moving on” so completely, of him cohabiting with someone, makes me feel nauseous. It shouldn’t be worse than him sleeping with half of Bath, but somehow it is.
“On that note, I think it’s bedtime,” Lottie says, reaching outto squeeze my hand beneath the kitchen island. I force a smile as I hug Jess and Ethan good night, then Lottie herds them both upstairs. Alone, I close my eyes and chastise myself for being so sensitive. It’s been eighteen months since he moved out, a year since the divorce was finalized. I should be over it. When Lottie comes back downstairs, she gives me a sympathetic look.
“It’s natural to be upset, you know,” she says, watching me closely.
I shake my head, not sure I can cope with more sympathy. “I’m fine, honestly.”
After saying good-bye to Lottie, I tidy up the kitchen, then head up to bed. Katniss follows me. She’s not supposed to come upstairs, but tonight I let her curl up on the end of my duvet, her low purr a welcome sound in the too-quiet room. Lying in bed, I look across at my cluttered bedside table, all the creams I keep forgetting to use. The table on the other side sits empty, wiped clean, a reminder that no one sleeps there anymore. I’ve always loved this bedroom, with its vaulted ceiling and large dormer window, but Dan’s presence, or rather his absence, still feels so evident. There are clothes drawers he emptied that I have not filled, his coffee stain on the carpet that never completely came out. The bed is king-sized, but I still sleep right over on the left. Does anyone sleep in the middle of a bed this big?
Lying in bed, scrolling Instagram, I click onto Dan’s account. There’s a new photo of him lifting weights at the gym. He would never have posted something like that when we were together. He looks so different now; his whole body has changed shape. He used to be an oblong and now he’s a triangle. Next, I look up @sylvielovenfitness. I’ve looked at her account before, so I know what she looks like—a young, Swedish Gwyneth Paltrow with a white-blond bob. She is more active on social media than Dan and has tagged him in a bunch of photos. There’s one of them out running together, ugh. One of her doing a headstand at thefoot of her bed. Double ugh. Then one of her holding a door key, kissing a half-obscured Dan on the cheek. So naff. So cheesy.So unacceptable he didn’t think to tell me this.
This isn’t healthy, I need to unfollow him.Closing the app, I open Ethan’s class WhatsApp group and try to enlarge the photo of Tilly Bradshaw’s dad. He’s not unattractive, though the photo is too grainy to see his features clearly. I’ve never noticed him at drop-off, so he can’t be that hot.
What am I doing?
I’m not going on a date with Tilly Bradshaw’s dad just because he’s single and he hates bikes.Whydoes he hate bikes, though? Did his ex-wife become obsessed with cycling too? Does he have bike-related childhood trauma like me? Why does this small nugget of information immediately make him more interesting to me? Before putting my phone away, I mindlessly click onto Will Havers’s WhatsApp photo, curious to see what he’s chosen. It’s of a distant figure, presumably him, on a steep ski slope. It’s black and white. Of course it is. What a knob. “Look at me, I’m really good at skiing, as well as everything else.” Then I quickly delete my own WhatsApp picture, the one of me cuddling Katniss, in case anyone should make such mean judgments about my choice of photo.
Google searches:
Sylvie Nilsson
Sylvie Nilsson boobs fake?
Teach yourself how to do a headstand
How many series of Outlander are there?
Chapter 5
The next morning, on mywalk to work, I call Dan.
“Hey,” he says. “Everything okay? I’m getting on a train in five minutos.”
“I’ll be quick,” I say, bristling at his use of the word “minutos.” “Please don’t get angry with Ethan if he wets the bed. That will only make things worse.”
Dan sighs with a familiar combination of irritation and impatience. “He’s nearly eight, Anna. You baby him.”
“Getting frustrated with him won’t help. I’ll send you an article about it.”
Dan goes quiet on the line. It’s a new technique he’s developed when we disagree; he just stops talking and hopes I’ll move on. In this instance, it works.
“Also…” I pause, bracing myself. “I hear from the kids that you have a new living arrangement.”
“Oh, right. Did I not mention that? I’m sure I did,” Dan says, clearing his throat.
“No, I definitely would have remembered. That’s a big step, Dan. I haven’t even met this woman, and now she’s living withmy kids?” I clear my throat. “They don’t need any more disruption. It’s not fair on them if she’ll be gone in a few months—”
“She’s not going anywhere, Anna,” he says irritably. “I’m in love with her.”
“Right, good. Well, a heads-up would have been nice,” I say, feeling the words dry in my mouth and a rush of blood heat my cheeks.Why do I feel embarrassed? What have I got to be embarrassed about?
“Like you gave me a heads-up before cutting up my credit cards?”
Classic Dan, countering a reasonable request with an entirely separate grievance from two years ago.
