Page 81 of Is She Really Going Out with Him?
“She bought me this,” Jess says, showing me the moonstone bracelet. “She says it symbolizes feminine energy.”
“Uh-huh.” It’s all I can muster.
Jess fiddles with it as she leans against the kitchen counter. “She made out it was this big moment, but it just feels gross and annoying.”
“It is a bit gross and annoying, but it’s also completely natural.” I pause, watching her, my daughter—still very much a child, yet now something else as well.
A ball of guilt lodges itself in my chest.What was I thinking?Living out some sexual fantasy in the woods, forgetting about my responsibilities here. I hardly thought about the kids all weekend; I should have foreseen this, but I was too preoccupied by Will.I am a terrible mother.
When Ethan comes in from the garden, we all curl up on the sofa together and watchMiss Congeniality, a family favorite. But I can’t focus on Sandra Bullock’s makeover; my mind is still in the woods. I wonder where Will is now. Is he back yet? I fiddle with my phone, tempted to text him. I should let him know everything’s okay. I’m notnotgoing to text him just because we slept together.
“So how did you cope without your phone for two days?” Jess asks, seeing me grasping my phone, plagued by indecision.
“It was easier than I thought it would be.”
“How was Will?” Jess asks.
“Excuse me?” I say, thrown by the question.
“You went with that guy Will from your work, didn’t you?”
“Oh, right, yes, fine. It was fine.” Why are they asking me questions about Will? They never ask me questions about work, or anything in my life that doesn’t directly relate to them. I get up and go to the loo, lock the door, then start composing a message.
All fine here, glad I came back when I did. Thanks for a lovely weekend.Then I erase it and retype.All fine here. Can’t stop thinking about you.No. I can’t say that. That’s too much, it’s supposed to be over. Should I send him a GIF? Something that conveys I’m thinking about him, without being too needy. What if I just said,Miss you already? I tap my phone against my forehead in frustration. What is wrong with me? I feel fifteen again, wondering whether Lance Reynolds will notice me more if my hair is up or down.
“Mum, are you okay? You’ve been in there for ages,” Jess calls from the living room.
“Fine. Just a minute,” I call back. Quickly I type,All fine here. Hope you got home okay, then send it to Will before I can overthink it.
“Can I get an axolotl, Mum?” Ethan asks.
“Show me what they are,” I tell him. We look them up on my phone, and I find photos of a strange, smiling pink amphibian with a crown of feathery gills. “They look high-maintenance.”
“They’re not. They can regenerate their own limbs.” Ethan looks at me hopefully.
“Let me do more research, I promise I’ll think about it,” I tell him, leaning over to kiss his head. “Also, I need another date suggestion, if either of you have any ideas.”
“Why can’t you date Will?” Jess asks, and the question makes me tense.Does she know something?
“No, I can’t date Will,” I say as casually as possible. “He’s a colleague.”
“Kenny at school says his grandad keeps a goat as a pet and it lives in his house. It chews all his shoes,” Ethan says.
“That makes him eligible, does it? How old is he?”
“The goat?” Ethan asks.
“No! Kenny’s grandad. You know what, no, veto. No one from school or connected to school, and no one’s grandad.” Ethan’s face falls, as though I’ve quashed his dream of meeting that goat. “Why not ask Kenny if you can go meet his grandad’s goat one day after school?” Ethan looks thrilled by this suggestion.
“Are you going to see Michael again?” Jess asks.
“Michael was lovely, we’re going to stay in touch, he was a great suggestion. But I need a fresh lead.”
“Why do you keep checking your phone?” Jess asks me.
“I’m not,” I say, pushing it down the side of the sofa.
“Wouldn’t it be great if you could have a playdate with loads of people at the same time and then work out who you wanted to be friends with?” Ethan says.
