Page 43 of Freedom's Kiss
“Eileen.”
David Arroyo’s strong voice shook with defeat, effectively cutting off the gushing reassurances but replacing it with a shiver Olivia could feel running down her mom’s spine. The paper rattled as he extended it to her, his face as white as the parchment the results had been printed on.
“What?” Her mom turned her body so that Olivia stood more at her side than clutched to her chest. “What is it, David? You’re scaring me.”
He nodded toward the proffered paper, and Eileen’s hand shook as she reached for it. Tears filled her eyes as she scanned the graphs and printed summary of results. She covered her mouth with her other hand.
Olivia watched as the truth of revelation seeped all the joy and happiness from her parents’ eyes. Only moments before they’d been laughing and celebrating. Now her mother cried, and her father stared in front of him like he was in shock.
She’d done this. She’d ripped the Band-Aid off and caused an old, hidden wound to seep and bleed.
She wished she could distance herself. Shut down the emotions swinging at her like a prize fighter in a boxing ring, but she couldn’t even lift her hands in front of her face to defend herself. She felt guilty for bringing her parents pain, but also a little justified. If they’d told her sooner…if she’d grown up knowing all along…
“Honey…” Her mom looked at her, pleading with her to understand, her expression a mirror of pain. Olivia had seen her mom wear this look before as she’d held a crying Olivia with tears streaming down her own cheeks. Olivia remembered asking her mom why she was crying, and her mom had said that when Olivia hurt, she hurt. That was how motherhood worked.
Olivia stepped back and hugged her arms around her middle. She wanted her parents to hold her, but at the same time she needed some distance. Her throat felt dry, and she licked her lips before asking the one question that hadn’t ceased to pound against her skull since she’d first laid sight to those results.
“Why? Why didn’t you tell me I was adopted? Why did you keep it a secret and lie to me all these years?”
Her dad pulled a stool out from under the island tabletop and slumped into it. Anchoring an elbow to the speckled Formica, he let his head be supported by a rounded fist. “You’ve got to believe it was never our intention to lie to you,mija.”
“Then what? Did you just forget that some other woman’s womb was my incubator for nine months? Did you forget that it wasn’t you and Mom who gave me life?”
He lifted his head, looking older than he had a moment before. “In a way…” His shoulders rose and fell, as if the small action could fill the space instead of words. Instead of an explanation.
Olivia flattened her lips and turned to her mom. Surely she’d have something more to say. Olivia had no idea what their journey had been up to the point of deciding to adopt. Maybe they’d tried to have their own biological kids for a long time and couldn’t. A woman wouldn’t forget the long, painful journey and disappointments pitted in that road. She wouldn’t forget the heartache or the emptiness of her arms when a child didn’t come.
Or maybe they’d decided to adopt all along. Olivia didn’t know. She’d theorized and speculated the last few days, but the truth was, she didn’t know. Because her parents had never talked to her about it. She blinked back her own tears, determined to get through this conversation without crying.
Her mom closed the distance and ran a hand over Olivia’s hair. “What your father is trying to say is that you are ours and we are your parents. From the moment you were placed in our arms, we became a family. There were no distinctions of biological or adoptive. We became Mom and Dad. Period. So yes, after a time we did forget that you were adopted, because to us, you’ve always been our daughter.”
Olivia blinked. “So you’d never planned to tell me? You were just going to keep it a secret and lie to me all my life?”
Her dad rotated on his stool, and his knee brushed hers. She felt hemmed in but couldn’t make herself move. “We had planned to tell you.”
A humorless laugh exploded from her chest. “When? When I got married? Had kids of my own? When a doctor needed family medical history for some reason and yours wouldn’t suffice?”
He dragged a hand down his face. “At first you were so young. Only a baby. Then you were crawling. Then walking. Then running. You grew up so fast. Your mom and I didn’t want to hurt you. Ever. We’d say we would tell you next year, but the next year would roll around and an opportunity never presented itself, so we’d say we’d tell you the next month, then the next week, then the next day.” He reached for her hands. “I amso sorrythat you feel like we’ve been lying to you all this time.” He let one of her hands go and extended his toward Eileen. She threaded her fingers with his, connecting them all together. “Your mother and I never meant to hurt you, sweetheart.”
Olivia nodded and averted her gaze. Pressure from her emotions pushed down on her ribs and clogged her throat. She didn’t know what to think. How to process. But she still had questions, so she stared up at the ceiling and blinked, hoping the sting in her eyes would subside and she could gather enough courage to press on.
Knowing her next question was bound to cause them pain, she worked hard to keep any accusation from her voice. “Did you know her? My birth mother? Do you know…do you know where I come from?”
Her mom shook her head sadly. “It was a closed adoption. I’m sorry. We don’t know much.”
“Is that something you want to pursue?” Her dad cleared his throat. “Would you like us to try and find her for you?”
Did she? Olivia didn’t know. Didn’t know if it was even possible. And if it were possible and they did find her, what if her biological mother didn’t want to see her or have anything to do with her? Olivia wasn’t sure she could take it. “I don’t know.” Her legs trembled, exhaustion pulling her down.
Seeing her weariness, her dad pulled out the stool beside him and guided her to it.
“I don’t know what I want to do. It’s all so sudden, and I’m still trying to wrap my mind around it.”
Eileen moved to stand behind her, placed her hands on Olivia’s shoulders, and kissed the top of her head. “I know you must be confused, but I want you to remember one thing and hold on to it as a guiding truth. Your dad and I love you, and love is what makes a family. More than blood. More than DNA. I grew you in my heart instead of the womb, and you are the greatest gift we have ever received.” She kissed Olivia’s crown again and sniffed. “You’ll always be our baby.”
* * *
Olivia:In desperate need of ice cream therapy. Meet me for fro-yo in 20?
Summer:See you there!
Lily:Just finishing up at the lab. Might be a little late, but on my way.
