Page 3 of Literally For Keeps
Needless to say, I was shocked. It’s not every day your husband tells you he’s gay. We divorced quietly, but when news spread of his struggle, the thing he was afraid of happened. Friends and family—the church—shunned him. Maybe things would have worked out differently if that hadn’t been the case, but we’ll never know.
The church turned its back on Parker, so Parker turned his back on the church.
I pulled a string of Twizzler away from the rest, folded it, and popped it into my mouth. The sweet and tart cherry flavor put a better taste in my mouth than the one that had been developing. “Let me ask you something,” I said. “When was the last time you talked to him?”
“Parker? Hmmm…let me see.” She grew quiet. “Wow. It’s been a while.”
“And you really think it’s a good idea that the first time you contact him in a long time is to ask him to pretend to be straight?”
Her sigh caused static on the line. “Yeah, I see your point.”
Finally. “So Noah is just going to have to man up and tell his dad I’m divorced. It isn’t a mortal sin, you know.”
“No, it isn’t, but Ashleigh…I know!” She brightened like she’d been hit with a flash of brilliance.
I think I’d rather have been hit by a bolt of lightning.
“Why can’t you find someone else to pretend to be your husband? It’s only five days. No big deal. Sell it as a free getaway. The Abrams have a vacation cottage on Whidbey Island that we’re all staying at to get to know each other better. It’s the perfect solution.”
I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation. “I’m sorry, but I don’t particularly have a desire to hire a male escort and reenact The Wedding Date.”
Claire made a strangling noise. “I didn’t mean a gigolo. I meant a friend.”
“Oh yes, and who should I chose? Professor Dunkin, who somehow always manages to get the bottom of his shirt tucked out of his zipper?”
“That reminds me. Have you found a bra that fits yet? If not, you could be the First Couple of Wardrobe Malfunction.”
I looked down and poked on the top of my right breast. It was slightly…umm…larger than the left, and since they don’t make bras with two different cup sizes, I inevitably ended up with bras that fit only one side—which meant sometimes there was…umm…overflow on the right. I crossed my arms. “Shut up.”
Claire laughed with glee.
“Insulting my lopsided bosom is not the best method to get me to do you a favor.”
“Right. Sorry.” She coughed back the rest of her giggle. “So, does that mean you’ll do it? For me? Pretty please with a cherry on top.”
Someone get me a straitjacket, because I must be going crazy.
