Page 44 of Molly
Mom tilted her head, considering. “She makes a good point.”
“Nothing.” The word didn’t taste good in my mouth. What if I did nothing, said nothing, and he decided the best thing for him and Chloe was for me to exit their lives all together? Could I do that? Did I love him and Chloe enough to let them go if that would be the best thing for them?
I guess I’d have to wait and find out.
14
Ben
Night float duty meant I could attend church again. I’d been able to work some sort of service into my hectic schedule, whether that be a prayer meeting, men’s Bible study, or a vespers, but regular attendance to morning services hadn’t been possible since the first days of my internship. Sometimes I could slip into the chapel at the hospital during one of my shifts and hear a sermon or Bible reading followed by a positive thought, but I hadn’t been able to worship with my home church family in quite some time.
I hadn’t realized just how much I’d missed the fellowship until I walked through the front doors. Familiarity greeted me like a warm embrace—sometimes literally, as the case with Miss Edna’s frail hug. Over ninety years old, she still managed to maneuver with the grace of a woman a generation younger.
A rough-hewn wooden cross with purple swaged material hanging reverently over its crossbeams had been erected on the corner of the stage in preparations for Easter in a little over a month. Potted white Easter lilies brought hope of new life in a scene commemorating death. A new season, a time for everything under heaven.
If only the seasons in life were as easy to discern as those in nature. The cold frost of winter gradually gave way to the tentative warmth of spring. Days lengthened, blue skies replaced gray, and flora and fauna alike awoke from their figurative, if not actual, slumber. But when did a person know, for instance, when the time to weep concluded and the time to laugh began? Or the time to mourn gave way to the time to dance? When should a person embrace or refrain from embracing?
God may have promised to make all things beautiful in His time, but life sure would be a lot easier if He’d thought to have given me a watch or timetable orsomething. I would’ve even settled for a sundial or an obelisk.
But I guess that was where faith came in, wasn’t it?
The pastor concluded his sermon by raising his arms and blessing the congregation with the benediction from Numbers 6:24-26. “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” He smiled wide and marched down the platform to the piano postlude.
I rose with the others in the pews, shaking hands and making pleasantries with those around me. Chloe sat with a friend a few rows back, so I shuffled with the stream of people in the aisle until I reached her. She beamed up at me as she stuffed her coloring book and crayons into her little pink backpack.
“Were you good for Miss Suzy?” My hand rested on Chloe’s head.
“She was a dream, as always.” Suzy helped her own daughter, Morgan, put away miniature farm animals into a felt barn. “I’d invite you guys over for lunch, but Brad isn’t feeling well, and I wouldn’t want to share any of his germs.”
“Nothing serious, I hope?” Flu season may officially be over, but the nasty bugs made their rounds all year.
Suzy lifted her purse strap over her shoulder and stood. “A bad cold is all.”
“Tell him I said hi.”
“Will do. He’ll be sorry he missed you.” She reached down and took her daughter’s hand. “Morgan asks for Chloe every time she picks out her church dress. We’d be happy to swing by on our way to church and pick her up the weeks you aren’t able to bring her.”
Suzy waited for my reply, a quiet acceptance in her gaze. Had she made such an offer before? A vague recollection hazed around the corners of my brain. Of her kindness and that of others in the church. People offering condolences and support after Laura had passed. But I hadn’t had the energy to really hear or see them. I’d had a newborn to care for and a breaking heart. Then Choe had been an infant. A toddler. Now a precious little girl.
How many people had offered to walk this road with me, but I’d only been able to see right in front of my feet?
I squeezed Chloe’s hand. “What do you say, Chloe? Would you like to come to church with Miss Suzy and Morgan when Daddy can’t bring you?”
She jumped up and down. “Yes, please.”
Morgan joined in on the jumping.
Suzy shook her head with a smile at their antics. “Okay, my kangaroo. Let’s get home and check on your dad and see how he’s feeling.” She looked back up at me. “It was good to see you, Ben. Hope you won’t be a stranger anymore around here.”
“I’ll try not to.” When she turned and headed down the aisle to the exit, I picked Chloe up and planted her on my hip. She was getting so big. Pretty soon I wouldn’t be able to carry her around like this anymore.
I squeezed her tighter to chase away the sadness that thought brought.
“Ready to head home, bug?”
She placed her palms on my cheeks and turned my head. I forced my eyes to the side, the outline of my nose obscuring my vision as I tried to see where I was walking while having my face wrenched to the left. Someone opened the door for me, and I thanked them, peeling Chloe’s hand from my cheek so I could look forward again before I tripped over something and we both ate the parking lot asphalt.
“You know what you need, Daddy?”
